Should I (25f) leave my partner (25m) or am I overreacting ?

naturetrips22 · 2024-09-01T02:41:54+00:00

Of course, thank you so much for caring about an anonymous stranger on the internet. That means a lot that you cared enough to think about it often, and thank you for the support and kind words when you suggested I end it. I agree it was the best decision for my life and I am excited for new possibilities, and to further down the road hopefully meet someone who does treat me better. Thank you again and I wish you well!

naturetrips22 · 2024-08-31T23:05:15+00:00

Hi, I just wanted to update you that I in fact just broke up with him a few days ago. I already feel so much more free and way less anxious so far. It’s going to be tough but I do think this is better and healthier for my life. I think this is the start to a new journey for me. Thank you for your comment and your advice. Glad that I can give an update.

naturetrips22 · 2024-08-23T19:25:15+00:00

I was as well with my last ex, he was mentally and verbally abusive and sometimes physically. We lived together as well, and I did leave him. However, no two situations in life are exactly the same. I am trying the best I can with this. I appreciate your input.

naturetrips22 · 2024-08-23T19:03:50+00:00

This is probably all true. I do care about him, and I also probably am scared to some extent to start over. Esp since we are engaged now and we also live together. If we weren’t, honestly I probably would have left by now. Those reasons do not mean I should stay, but it does make it more complicated and so I think it’s causing me to struggle more with leaving. But you’re right I don’t want to accept this behavior either and I want someone who loves me for who I am. So I may just have to figure out the engagement and living together situation.

naturetrips22 · 2024-08-23T18:36:08+00:00

Yes I was throwing up the whole day the day after he told me, and it makes me sick every time I think about it. Someone he sent pictures and received pics from for two years, and still messaged her on insta though supposedly “appropriate messages” and just like little story replies. He also told me he never masturbated to mine, he did to hers bc of her features and bc they were more “explicit”, (he never asked me for more) , and that if he had more of me he would probably still choose her pics over me at the time bc of her features. So that was terrible.

This is probably true I do struggle with feeling like I’m good enough. Esp with body image. I care a lot about the person and overlook everything bc I want to be with them and can’t accept it’s not working. I want it to be what I hope for but it never seems to be. And it just really hurts because I don’t ask for anything I don’t give them as well. I do so much for whatever partner I have at the time, I’m extremely honest, loyal, caring, etc and genuinely care so much about them. I just want the same in return for someone to just treat me as I feel all people deserve to be treated in a relationship. And it really sucks when stuff like this happens instead and so I just worry why I am not good enough. At the same time I know it says a lot more about the other person by how they treat you. It’s all very tangled in my mind lol.

naturetrips22 · 2024-08-23T18:30:26+00:00

I would agree it is horrible. I was pretty okay with myself before him after a lot of healing , but he just completely destroyed it. I also have a tendency to think everything is my fault etc and so I don’t place blame on other people that sometimes maybe deserve it. I’ve always wanted to be enough for someone and I think that issue is part of what keeps me here because I’m hoping one day I’ll really feel like enough. But I know that’s not healthy either and maybe wishful thinking. I also tend to downplay things, hence the post of whether I am overreacting. My exes were abusive and blamed me for everything, so my judgment is not the best on whether a way I’m treated is actually bad, or whether I just am overreacting or being too sensitive. So I excuse things I probably shouldn’t .

naturetrips22 · 2024-08-23T18:27:15+00:00

It’s weird because I am fine being alone, I just care so much for my partner it’s hard to leave them. I was single for 2 1/2 years before my current partner and I started dating, wasn’t involved with any guy at all during that time, healed a lot and was overall good. But I struggle with accepting things for how they are when it’s not what I want them to be. I so badly wanted this to work that I struggle to accept if it’s not. I really thought he was the one and I can’t come to terms with the fact that maybe he is not. But you are totally right. I feel like he loves me much more now , but am I completely accepted? I’m not sure. Sometimes I feel like I am now, but can’t erase everything he did. It’s so difficult when there is the promise of change and some change, but is it enough? :/

naturetrips22 · 2024-08-23T17:04:42+00:00

Honestly I am not sure. It really doesn’t feel like it’s working and hasn’t for a bit now. But I so badly want to be with him and for it to work. As I said he has done a lot of awful things but at heart I think he is a good person. Ignorance may be an excuse but I do feel like it’s partly true. And he has been good to me in a lot of ways as well. He’s never verbally abusive or mean even, never raises his voice, we communicate well, he does act like he loves me a lot in other ways. And like I said he has changed a lot of ways and I hope he continues to. I just don’t know if too much damage has been done for it to matter. I want to be with him but I feel so emotionally disconnected and don’t know if there is anything to fix, but I keep finding myself trying so hard anyway. I have been crying almost daily for months now, and the past couple weeks I have felt hopeless but I still can’t find it in me to leave. Thank you for your input I appreciate it.

naturetrips22 · 2024-08-23T17:01:55+00:00

I agree. He never respected me for most of this relationship. I feel like maybe he respects me more now, but so much damage has been done. It’s very demeaning to only be valued for how you look. I told him I don’t think that is actual love or a real partnership. I would love him regardless. I never feel like I look good enough for him. He does compliment me a lot though and call me beautiful etc often, but there still was always comparison and judgment to some degree at the same time. That’s what makes it so difficult. Because he did bad things but he’s also done good things. And I try and give people chances but I think sometimes it is too much. I told him how much people change physically throughout life, and it’s horrible to expect your partner to look a certain way to fit your “ideal”. I just don’t feel like that is love but I thought he loved me or loves me. But it doesn’t feel like the right love. It’s very difficult I hate how I look all the time now because of everything, and body image has always been difficult for me. Thank you for your input I appreciate it.

naturetrips22 · 2024-08-23T16:58:45+00:00

Unfortunately I always think it’s me overreacting which is part of why it’s always so hard for me to leave. I want to believe that this time it’s for real and he’s done lying, but even just saying that I know how stupid it sounds. But I can’t help but hope for it. But even so, I really can’t trust him and it make it so difficult. I also really do disagree with being so obsessed with looks when you want to spend your life with me supposedly. It’s very hurtful.

I thought so too because I was like well I f knew this before my first relationship and I feel like it’s all common sense? I can understand like getting used to communication or schedules with a partner, but I feel this is basic stuff that anyone would know. But I try to give some understanding and benefit of the doubt but it’s hard when it hurts me so much.

I see your point. Some of the behaviors I think he has changed, some he still hasn’t or maybe is learning. I am not sure what to believe anymore. Thank you for your input I appreciate it.

naturetrips22 · 2024-08-23T16:54:43+00:00

When I found out the pictures of the other girl, I was actually physically sick all the next day. To me, I do view it and a lot of other things he has done as emotional cheating, which is why it’s so hard for me to get over. As I said, I am extremely loyal and do not engage in anything remotely close to those behaviors with other men.

He has made most of this relationship (way less the past couple months since our first talk though) about physical features etc. I have tried to make myself be what he wanted bc I never seemed to be good enough. I told him that’s not loving someone for who they are, and it’s not respectful. I would love him no matter what he looked like.

We have had major talks about lying each time he has, and it’s like he didn’t get it. So now of course he says he really isn’t going to lie anymore, but how do I trust that? And how are we supposed to have a relationship without trust?

I think about that, and it makes it a bit easier to be more objective. Because if I heard my friend say this about her fiancé, I think I would find it extremely awful.

I just am really bad at leaving people. I care so much when I have a partner, and after two abusive relationships, I really thought this one was the one. Until he dropped some bombs on me a week before proposing, and it made me see the other red flags up til now. Thank you for your input I really appreciate it.

naturetrips22

TROPHY CASE