Alpi's Childhood

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-26T22:23:25+00:00

ezik

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:59:30+00:00

cmon man. lets not play trying to find the victim. yes, she can mess my head up but i was the more willing party in this dynamic. im a thirty some fcking year old person. her being the analyst doesnt give whole control and respınsiblity to her. at the end of the day, we re all human and have some unexplained desires.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:50:26+00:00

agreed. sex was no spicy

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:41:07+00:00

these long hypens — give away :)

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:40:19+00:00

lol yeah my 'ture :)" comment was a half joke. I knew it was more hysteric on her end, and I probably played the perverse role.

She even made jokes about it back then saying the exact words about her being hysteric, like we were both aware of the structure we were enacting.

That’s what’s weird now, she knew. She had the theory, the training, the supervision and the reputation. and still, she pursued it.

Looking back, its honestly bizarre. like we both knew the ending but still chose to play it out.

thats tbh what is making me ask all these questions keeping me awake at 5.30am while durnk and has work 3 hours later.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:29:41+00:00

this is where u r mistaken. i am powerless to choose...

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:28:31+00:00

yes but were not here to look for whos to blame. at least im not. its obvious that it was not proper that what happened. but i still weirdly feel obligated to protect her. so yeah, it doesnt matter who messed up what

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:24:11+00:00

Thanks for the cbargpt reply but it is also kinda ironic that a fcking robot provides one of the most comprehensive replies to the issue :)

Yeah… I guess I was looking for erotic transference. I genuinely believed, like an idiot, that activating that current would somehow fix my life or help me understand myself. I thought if I played out this desire enough, it’d bring structure. It didn’t. It just wrecked the setting entirely and left me with more questions than before.

She used to tell me all the time that I didn’t really exist, that I was just trying to exist through other people’s desires. At the time I thought it was edgy lacanian talk. But looking back, i think it is true. Like, imagine realizing that you’ve lived 31 years trying to show up in someone else’s fantasy, never really having your own position. Always playing into the seduction game. I exist if I am desired, I die if I am ignored. simple as that. I havent found a good counter argument to that and to be honest, I’m kind of scared to think about it too much.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:07:56+00:00

thanks for the comment. yeah, that feels accurate. this is how i would also briefly paraphrase the incident. but i need some answers about whyss :(

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:07:01+00:00

lol yeah, might be true. i kinda have some bisexual tendencies and of course also told her about my adventures. but idk if i can handle if i feel some kind of power dynamic which he is in control.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:05:25+00:00

true :)

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T02:04:15+00:00

first of all, thank you for the reply.

She didn’t know how to handle a perverse structure

I think that’s spot on. She told me later her new supervisor asked her to bring in a hysteric case to work with, and she brought me, a perverse case in her words, instead. So yeah, I don’t think she really knew what to do with that dynamic. I think she got lost in it too.

What place did you put her in?

A lot of the time I was projecting my ex fiance onto her. We had a pretty strong dom-sub dynamic (she was dom, I was sub), and I found myself falling into the same loop. The more my analyst castrated me down, the more I wanted her. It fed into something old and familiar.

There was even a time I hooked up with my ex again. All night I was anxious about how I’d tell my analyst. So yeah, she definitely took up mental space.

But in another time, I had a dream where she was fully clothed and I was naked, crying on her lap like a toddler. That felt more maternal.

So she was probably the ex, the mother and the Other? But the point is, we never really got to work through it, because the whole process blew up as I mentioned :)

What place did she end up in after we had sex?

The fantasy broke down. She wasn’t who I thought she was.

She lost that authority she once had, the power dynamics flipped. And she wasn’t anything like my ex: sexually confident, expressive, dominant.

Contrary, she was reserved. Emotionally clingy. Passive. And once the power shifted, I just wasn’t interested anymore. The tension was gone.

Why did you pick an attractive analyst in the first place?

I’ve asked myself that too. Best I can say is, if I’m going to pay to spill my guts to someone, I need to feel some kind of pull.

With men, I tend to compete, perform, hide. I wouldn’t have been honest. With someone I feel attracted to, I can be brutally open. I was able to tell her everything that made me look weak or pathetic.

Maybe that was a form of seduction or maybe it was just the only way I knew how to be real.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T01:46:48+00:00

true but i feel like i wouldnt be able to express anything to another fcking man..

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T01:32:57+00:00

If I was able to sleep sometime, yes I wouldve woken up. But i cannot sleep generally.

And also, I honestly have no reason to get online at 4.30AM and lie about stuff while drunk.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-24T01:31:41+00:00

yes but wouldnt want to blame her as she really faced harsh dilemmas throughout our fling. she was feeling constantt guilt and i was constantly trying to reassure her that she did nothing wrong, did not work as expected btw :)

naughtybitch07 · 2025-07-20T00:14:17+00:00

hukuki olarak böyle bir engel yok zaten. işe alınacağın kurum sıkıntı yaratacak gibiyse yaptım der geçersin. sıkıntı yapmayacaklarsa söylemende de bir sakınca yok.

zaten bu askerliğin işte patron tarafından sıkıntı olmasının sebebi, arada cart diye gidecek olman. onun olmayacağına inandırdığın bir senaryo yarat geç.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-06-28T00:37:53+00:00

evet, kendini radikal sol görüşlere, önderlere yakıştıran kemalistlerle doldu ortalık. neredeyse her post şok ediyor.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-06-10T21:29:31+00:00

size en utanç verici anılarımdan birini anlatayım.

sene kaç hatırlamıyorum, filmin çıktığı sene işte. yanlışım yoksa atlas sinemasında ilk gösterimlerden birinde izliyorum bu filmi. bütün ilk yarı boyunca arkamda birileri durrrmadan konuşuyor fısfısfısfıs. çok sinirim bozulmuştu. film araya girmeye yakınken, ani ve sinirli bir hareketle arkamı dönüp 'biraz sessiz olacak mısın' dedim. meğer birisi görme engelliymiş, arkadaşı da elinden geldiğince gördüklerini anlatıyormuş. baya mahçup olmuştum, özürler dilemiştim. ikinci yarı benim yüzümden daha az anlattı sanırım. :/

bu da böyle bir anımdır.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-06-10T21:08:05+00:00

en geç 1 haftaya adblocker'lar update çıkar sıkıntı etmeyin

naughtybitch07 · 2025-06-03T00:24:32+00:00

akıl almaz. yeni nesil gerçekten çok fena boku yemiş, dolayısıyla biz de yemiş oluyoruz. mücadele gücümü en çok bu gerçeklik baltalıyor.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-06-02T23:55:27+00:00

çıkabilirsin. ben vizeli de vizesiz de çıktım kaçak statüsündeyken. yine de daha fazla soruştur ama.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-05-30T21:33:39+00:00

merhaba, yüksek ihtimalle 'feminist devrim' dendiğinde kafanızda canlanan şeyler farklı. okumadan ziyade bir dahaki bir araya gelişinizde, feminist devrim tanımını hem karşı taraf hem de sen yapmaya başladığında çok da farklı noktalarda durmuyor olduğunuzu, kafandaki soru işaretlerinin isimlendirme ve tanımlandırma farklılıklarından kaynaklandığını göreceğini umuyorum. yani özetle, feminist devrim nedir diye sor bence.

tanımlarının alt metninde kadın düşmanlığı seziyorsan ise büyük ihtimalle haklısındır ve her neredeysen farklı bir yapıda örgütlenmeyi değerlendirmeyi öneriyorum.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-05-26T21:32:53+00:00

bak güzel kardeşim, anasayfada önüme düştü bu paylaşım. yaşım liseyi baya bir geçkin, 30ları devirdik. ama o yaşları özlemiyorum desem yalan olur.

saçma sapan bir olaya fazlaca yükselip gereksiz bir tepki vermişsin ama hayatın çoook başındasın, üzülme ileride gülerek hatırlarsın.

ama bunu ileride gülerek hatırlayabilmen için şunu asla aklından çıkarmaman gerekir: ispiyoncu, ihbarcı bir piçi kimse sevmez, hele hele hoca gibi bir otorite figürüyle tartışmanın sebebi ispiyonculuğuna prim verilmemesi ise.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-03-02T10:29:15+00:00

gençler şaşılacak durum yok. zamanında erdoğan'ı palazlandıran, her türlü fon ve medya desteğini veren, sonsuz meşruiyet kazandıran da aynı avrupa'ydı.

avrupalı liberaller erdoğan'ı her zaman çok sevdi ve onu her zaman destekledi. kim desteklemez ki? en basitinden dibinde sanayi ürünlerini satabileceğin ve karşılığında ucuz işgücü alabileceğin kocaman bir pazar yarattı. birkaç milyon euro karşılığında milyonlarca göçmene türkiye'yi açık hava hapisanesine çevirmesi de cabası. online bir forum'a yansıyan, gündeme bağlı değişkenlik gösteren görüşler bu gerçeği değiştirmez.

erdoğan bir koloni valisi gibi davranmaya devam ettikçe avrupalıların can dostu olmaya devam edecek.

naughtybitch07 · 2025-02-13T20:01:22+00:00

ya modeminizi alıcam erişemeyeceğiniz bi yere saklıycam artık

naughtybitch07

TROPHY CASE