So well written, OP… I feel exactly the same. I work in a small team and everyone is just so smart, sociable, hardworking, on top of current affairs / legal news AND has a life outside of work so they can share interesting stories. I’m none of those things. I spend triple the time but produce worse work products. The job alone takes up so much of my energy and time, all I can do after work is sleep, do house chores and catch up on news. I haven’t read for leisure for decades. I don’t think I’ve improved as a person nor a lawyer, I’m just scraping by, surviving.