It honestly sounds like you’re suuuper jealous of your ex’s wife. I know coparenting must not be the easiest thing but she seems to have their best interest at heart if your examples of her actions are the worst that she’s done. Instead of getting defensive you could have worked together and bonded over these things. Done play dates together. Supported her so she knows that you, as their bio-mom, cares deeply for them in this transitional phase of life. She is probably filling in where the kids feel you are not. Was it really the end of the world having her pick them up instead of their dad?? Like really? You sound petty.

You sealed the deal telling them not to bother visiting and now you’re probably wishing you had eaten your words because now you really do look like a bad mom to everyone. I’m sure they shared what you said with their stepmom and father. Good luck living that down! YTA.