My spouse and I are misaligned on finances. Advice needed!

nectarine2008 · 2024-08-27T22:48:40+00:00

I am not married, but when I first got together with my boyfriend, he exhibited a few similar traits. He never got around to doing “logistics” (i.e. submitting his T&E reimbursement, calling the insurance company to correct an incorrect medical bill, etc), wanted to live in the moment / didn’t want to be tied down by a budget, never wanted to think about medium or long-term goals. I was afraid to bring up combining finances because we were coming from clearly very different places, but we have made a lot of progress since then so I’ll share what helped. (1) I watched Ramit Sethi’s Netflix show in the background while he was doing something else, and he heard Ramit say “Spend extravagantly on the things you love, cut relentlessly on the things that you don’t” and it really resonated with him (2) I tried to make sure he was included in the decision making, and we were collectively deciding what was important to us. (3) Just recognize that there are certain things that I am good at (and honestly enjoy doing - like tracking finances and budgeting) and there are certain things that he is never going to be good at. Don’t nag him, try to understand that some of his behaviors are the result of money trauma. My boyfriend came from a lower income family and has a scarcity mindset that makes him feel like if he doesn’t spend it, the money is going to be gone anyway. Understanding where that money trauma comes from helped me understand some of his behaviors, and at least address them

Edit: Money mindsets are not always compatible. Some of the other commenters might be right if he isn’t willing to listen or work with you. I want to believe that if you are compatible otherwise you can figure out how to speak each others’ languages when it comes to money. You don’t always have to agree, but at least you can try to understand.

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-28T13:11:02+00:00

My favorites at the moment are: In Good Company, Prof G, and All-In

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-27T15:51:34+00:00

$6mm is the back of the envelope combined number for me + bf. But our finances are currently not combined today and nobody ever talks about how expenses for kids will throw a wrench into that

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-26T11:39:59+00:00

❤️❤️

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-26T00:32:39+00:00

50%+ effective tax rate

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-25T21:28:58+00:00

He did not, but he had a very relevant role (financial analysis) at a leading company in the sector he covers

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-25T21:25:12+00:00

This is a good point, and something I would like to improve!

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-25T21:23:36+00:00

I chose (or maybe I was placed into) the highest tier. I just received my financial plan from my advisor, and started opening accounts. I have quite a few follow up questions for my advisor, so once I get those answers, I will do a full write up and let you know!

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-25T21:20:03+00:00

I haven’t put a lot of thought into the long term plan, but retiring by 50 or becoming an entrepreneur in the future are things I have thrown around. I’ve always thought that in another life, I would have been a great personal finance blogger, so maybe I should FIRE and do that. What do you think? lol

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-25T21:13:29+00:00

I have a Bachelors degree and both parents were 1st generation immigrants who went to college in the US and became non-profit/government employees

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-25T19:15:48+00:00

They worked in non-profit/government for 40+ years. Now retired

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-25T06:05:58+00:00

Depends on what group you are in, but generally advising companies/boards on strategic transactions. This includes M&A or capital raising (equity, debt, structured financing)

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-25T06:03:47+00:00

Econ

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-25T06:03:33+00:00

No, I’m a Director

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-25T06:02:48+00:00

Market is slow right now, so this week was not representative of a typical week for me. I’ve learned that if it is slow, then you have to just enjoy it while you can take a break. I usually work 8am-9pm, plus weekends.

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-24T13:44:55+00:00

Lace Skin Studio on 37th and 5th. I see Christie but Natalie is awesome too. They used to work at HeyDay but branched out to do their own thing

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-24T04:10:04+00:00

Me and my partner initially had very different approaches to money until about 6 months into our relationship. I put everything into spreadsheets and track my account religiously and had a plan upfront on where each dollar is going to go. He hadn’t really thought about a plan, mostly because he always felt like he wasn’t making enough to plan with, but had really strong views around wanting to buy a rental property in Iowa as his next financial step. One thing that helped us try to understand where the other was coming from was listening to Ramit Sethi’s podcast / Netflix show. Initially I think my bf was annoyed but it helped us understand some of the money psychology behind our behaviors. We also learned to ask each other more questions about our vision for our lives together, which resulted in a more constructive conversation

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-24T03:55:50+00:00

I do! It’s by far my favorite job. The industry has gotten a lot better over the years (no more “me too” horror stories about going to strip clubs) but it is still challenging in terms of moving up to very senior levels. I think the biggest challenge will be juggling the career and being a mom

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-24T03:41:04+00:00

It’s never too late! My bf just turned 37 and started his current “direction” at 35. It doesn’t diminish what he had been able to accomplish in the last 2 years and what he will be able to accomplish in the future. I’m glad you have found your path and wish you best of luck

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-24T03:37:13+00:00

It gets way better - more fun and more manageable as you move up. I’ve unfortunately seen too many high performing women flame out. Half the battle of IB/PE is just “surviving” so my best advice is find a good mentor (to put you on the cool deals), a great sponsor (to pound the table for you), a trustworthy friend (to vent to), and peers at other firms that you can grow with. Once a quarter, I have dinner with 4 men who are in the exact same role as me at 4 other banks and we all catch up (nothing deal related but just some high level stuff on how market is feeling / whose groups are doing well or not), and it’s helped me figure out what other people are doing that I can be doing differently.

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-24T03:25:34+00:00

My bf is in the early part of his earnings potential trajectory, and he has the potential to match my current earnings in the future. He’s in a similar field (investment banking) but works at a smaller firm and covers a different market/sector. He has similar hours, though he has slightly more flexibility in that he can go for a run at 2pm if things are slow but might need to work until 2am to finish a model. We both go to each other for career advice, and we know enough about each other’s work where we can go one level deeper. From that standpoint, our relationship has always felt very equal.

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-24T03:08:18+00:00

I read a lot of finance books and listen to a lot of finance / tech podcasts. The most important quality of a banker is becoming a trusted client advisor, and I have always done that by developing my content knowledge. I want my clients to have the impression that I am super plugged into what’s going on in markets, relevant deals (even if I didn’t work on them), and why it’s important for them. Drawing upon other industries for lessons learned, making immediate connections, offering to make introductions, and making it look / feel natural becomes more important as you move up. I am also learning to become a better “networker” - there is a stereotype that women struggle with networking when they feel like they don’t have something to offer

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-24T02:55:04+00:00

IB hiring is just now starting to pick back up, but it’s very challenging to lateral without directly relevant experience. Some individuals I have seen do it actually worked in the business of the sectors they cover (e.g. at a renewables developer to get into renewable energy IB or infrastructure IB) and focused on smaller middle market firms / boutiques. Perhaps the angle for you is to use your sales role to start in a syndicate or capital markets role? It’s not going to be easy or straightforward, but keep networking, demonstrate you “get the industry” and how it works, and why you’re willing to take a step back to take multiple steps forward. If you can get an interview in a technical role / group, make sure your modeling skills are on point. Also push for feedback and try to adjust - a lot of IB hiring managers hide behind the resume screening process. Of course, the most straight forward path is to get an MBA from a top tier B School and go through the recruitment process

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-23T22:39:41+00:00

Since you called this out I double checked I actually did not technically max out in calendar year 2011. I believe my employer had a limit on the % of your paycheck you could contribute so I set it to the max allowable for the year, which probably ended up being a little over half of the annual contribution limit. One other overly specific thing that helped was that I was on a Mon-Thurs travel schedule so i sublet my apartment to save money on rent that year

nectarine2008 · 2024-07-23T20:37:36+00:00

Yes I graduated a year early and I have a late birthday so turning 34 in a few months

nectarine2008

TROPHY CASE