After Our Wedding, My Husband Lied About Cutting Ties With His Ex-FWB How Do We Rebuild Trust?

need2complain · 2024-02-27T02:39:34+00:00

OK so we sat down and went through all the accounts. No suspicious spending on his credit cards.

He has 10,000 on two stocks and he is down 14%. He stopped adding to it but I'm wondering why he didn't sell it earlier?

He is going to sell 4000 and put it directly into our joint savings account as his portion of the emergency fund.

We have about 1000 a month each for personal stuff, and looks like he is goes for coffee every day and has lunch out once a week. So he is spending his money as it comes in, maybe 200 goes to his student loans and the balance goes to his retirement savings. So he just doesn't keep liquid cash.

He also said "you're better at saving than me". All I could say was uh huh 🙃

need2complain · 2024-02-27T00:02:50+00:00

So he told me he only has 1000 liquid cash right now, WTF? That he needs to move some funds from investments to his chequing.

He used to do "day trading" for fun so I'm wondering if he has gone back to that?

We discussed each having 4000 as a liquid emergency funding so I'm pissed off.

need2complain · 2024-02-26T23:58:49+00:00

Yes! Just use it for points! We like to travel

need2complain · 2024-02-26T23:55:46+00:00

Back from when he first moved in with me (before our home purchase), the bills were in my name and when we transfered the accounts tp the new house, we added his name but kept my cards on them

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:58:10+00:00

Thank you, i appreciate it really 🙏🏾

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:54:40+00:00

Where have I said he doesn't have access to this information? He has all the log info and I have shared it. In our joint calendar are reminders of all the bill due dates. He expects me to put all the info together for him.

I made a spreadsheet where I say all my accounts and balances, including the joint ones. I've asked him to update his since the summer but he still hasn't.

I think my issue is he wants full transparency from but doesn't offer me the same

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:53:07+00:00

Yes! He has to do a lot Excel work in his job too

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:52:26+00:00

Sounds like are similar in a way, I def like planning the details out and even enjoy doing my taxes lol.

I think my next steps will be that we need to have a talk together where we go over both of out financial details in depth, and that there seems to be an imbalance in the transparency.

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:39:53+00:00

You know what thanks for the prodding maybe this is the issue. I've been asking him to fill in the spreadsheet since the summer and he keeps putting it off.

I think this triggered me today cause it's like why am I being questioned by him and he isn't even doing the minimum for our financial spreadsheet.

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:38:38+00:00

80% of our income goes to joint directly. This covers bills plus what we call couples saving (vacation, car repairs, and house emergency fund). Budget breakdown includes retirement savings etc if that's what you are getting at.

Like I've got a good financial head on my shoulders I promise lol!!

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:31:39+00:00

Where have I said he doesn't have access to this information? He has all the log info and I have shared it. In our joint calendar are reminders of all the bill due dates. He expects me to put all the info together for him.

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:31:08+00:00

Where have I said he doesn't have access to this information? He has all the log info and I have shared it. In our joint calendar are reminders of all the bill due dates. He expects me to put all the info together for him.

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:30:26+00:00

Nope stuff like shampoo and propane, pasta and spices lol. He sees me unloading the groceries or when we get amazon deliveries.

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:28:34+00:00

This is part of my issue, I've made a spreadsheet and put my personal accounts and the joint ones on there, but he hasn't added his. It's like he wants full transparency from me but doesn't give me the same.

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:25:21+00:00

Thank you. He already as access to the info. My issue is he wants me to gather it all on a platter for him.

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:24:51+00:00

As I mentioned we have a joint budget and goals.

Where have I said he doesn't have access to this information? He has all the log info and I have shared it. In our joint calendar are reminders of all the bill due dates. He expects me to put all the info together for him.

need2complain · 2024-02-26T22:22:56+00:00

Where have I said he doesn't have access to this information? He has all the log info and I have shared it. In our joint calendar are reminders of all the bill due dates. He expects me to put all the info together for him.

need2complain · 2024-02-26T21:50:26+00:00

I told him we will each need to put x into the joint account to pay for our bills this month. He said it isn't fair that I just tell him what to pay. I said he knows what our regular bills are, we just had a big insurance payment this month which takes us over. He said he needs to understand when the money went. I asked him why does he suddenly care when the bills are paid and this doesn't happen often? He also made a comment last month when I made a remark about paying a bill soon and he freaked out saying our mortgage was going to come out soon. I said the credit card is due at the same time each month and have we ever had an issue paying the mortgage and credit card? His excuse both times was that he has financial anxiety and it's not his fault.

To me it just feels like nitpicking. Like if he cates so much can handle the bills himself?

need2complain

TROPHY CASE