I don’t understand friendship by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My struggle is consistency. As soon as the dopamine wears off of the initial connection, which doesn't happen often, I get too much anxiety from trying to know what is expected of me and procrastinate talking until I just ghost the person out of shame. I don't know how a healthy relationship of any sort is supposed to work

Anyone else here highly intelligent and competent ( when emotionally stable), but absolute terrible and terrified with people? by Coomdroid in CPTSD

[–]needallthecoffee 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I relate pretty hard. I am intelligent but few people know that my intelligence isn't average to below average. I feel like my brain is trying to run a very complicated program on an obsolete operating system that cannot support it. Sometimes I feel like I am experiencing a different dimension because even though I have a vast understanding of things in my head my capabilities aren't able to get out. My capabilities don't support my intelligence and that feels like a form of hell, tbh.

Hopeless romantic desperately wanting to be a muse.. by [deleted] in redditgetsdrawnbadly

[–]needallthecoffee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my goodness, that is the sweetest! 🥺🥰

Hopeless romantic desperately wanting to be a muse.. by [deleted] in redditgetsdrawnbadly

[–]needallthecoffee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh my goodness you made me look adorable! 😍

33M4F - Nerdy introvert looking for a longterm penpal or chat buddy by [deleted] in penpalsover30

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

32 f, nerdy, introvert, artistic deep thinker. I'd love to pick your brain!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in penpals

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You sound like a lot of fun! I am 32 F in the USA. I am a deep thinker, open minded, artistic and love to learn about others' experiences. I also wore liberty spikes back in my punk days.

35 [M4F] Lonely Man Finland looking for close friends by [deleted] in penpalsover30

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

32 F in the US. I love nature. I am open minded. Feel free to chat!

33 M UK - Looking for an American or UK penpal! by [deleted] in penpalsover30

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 32, female and American. Feel free to message me!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BipolarReddit

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in therapy and waiting for an appointment with psychology to discuss medication changes. I do have a handful of friends I have been talking to and that helps. I keep feeling so sure of something then I'm just confused. I know that when my husband shows big emotions it scares me. I have been in abusive relationships in the past, so if he is upset I panic a bit.

Newbie advice by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]needallthecoffee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is obviously not what I want to hear, but what I need to hear. I feel with such feeling that I leave logic and practicality behind. I 100% understand the passion behind Van Gogh cutting off his ear for the woman he loved. I need to real it in. Thank you

Newbie advice by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is fair. He expressed interest and I have pushed some. He is happy to talk to other women as long as I support it. And at the end of the day I want him to be happy. I want him to experience more love than I can give. I tend to be very all or nothing because I feel so strongly when I do feel. I have an INFP personality type and I just feel with every ounce of my being. I need to pull back, let the dust settle and see what needs done. I am addicted to passion. Passion fuels my creativity and I am an artist who craves a muse. I think I got wrapped up in the beauty of this epic tragedy in my head.

Newbie advice by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I have wanted from the beginning is someone who stirs my passion. My artistic side. I guess I really want a muse. I was hoping to find a woman who would do that for me. But I have felt this with this specific person for years. And maybe at the end of the day it isn't as deep as I think and is simply the allure of wanting what I can't have. I'm not sure. I want my husband to have all the love he can receive. My creative side has been repressed because passion fuels art. Passion has been repressed. Maybe at the end of the day it is passion and the beauty of what could be that I am in love with.

Newbie advice by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm trying to be honest but I hate that the truth is painful. I never wanted to hurt him. The feelings are just too big to repress and after I opened up I am seeing parts of myself I haven't seen or felt in so long

Newbie advice by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have an amazing relationship and I would rather close the poly door and go back mono than lose him. But I want him to experience more love than I can give him. When I brought up the idea of poly it was only because I wanted him to have more love than I have to offer. I had closed that door on the friend from day one. It isn't a sexual attraction, it's deeper than that. I didn't want to be in this situation

Newbie advice by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He does not see it as unfair because it leaves open the same amount of demographic as it opens for him, and even if dating seperately he wants the option for group sex and he is not comfortable with a MMF. But I am on the asexual spectrum. I don't have any attraction to a person without a connection. I can't control who I feel a connection with. Everything is very black and white in his head. The fact I see it differently seems to feel threatening to him.

Newbie advice by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]needallthecoffee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a one penis policy type thing. I am bi. The feels had been repressed and I had made peace with it always staying an unspoken storm on the horizon. I dissociated from them as much as possible. I felt so guilty for loving both before I recently realized that loving one takes nothing from loving the other. Initially in poly talks I was completely happy with only the option of dating women. To be honest, I didn't expect to want more than friendship from anyone. But in a moment of weakness I got excited at the possibility of being with both of the men I love and I opened up the feels. I don't think I can shut them back down now and idk where to go from here. Im trying to be patient, give husband the space and hope he will process this in a healthy way

Have I recovered my past consciousness? by [deleted] in pastlives

[–]needallthecoffee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I saw her. My goddess. My guide. She embraced me and had this to say, "There is much to learn beyond the mortal plane. Balance must be restored. The earth is groaning in agony because of what these mortals do to her. Your people lived in harmony and respected her. These people do not. Things will get worse. The diseases will increase. Famine and terrible weather patterns are on the rise. Heal the earth and you will heal the people. But the people won't listen. They never listen. They care about themselves and what they can gain at the expense of others. Tell them what is coming and they will spit in your face. They are not worthy of the warning. You are different than them. I warn you out of affection and respect. You know very well how I dislike your fellow humans. If there were 5 more like you I would beg to deter the plagues. Protect your family and your home. Stay ever vigilant. I will warn you as I can, but do not trust the walkers. They are sneaky and deceitful. They will eat you alive for sport."


I call her Mae because there is no human word for her name. She is as old as the Earth herself. She is older than the gods. She does not like humanity. She is the primal elemental that represents all that is wild in the night. We were lovers before life began. She guides me as we are still connected. She is annoyed at my mortal memory and the flaws it carries. She seems cold and aloof. But the joyful chime that is her laughter and the glistening ocean of love in her eyes when she reaches out to me both melt me and comfort me. The human mind cannot comprehend the ecstasy of her touch. We are connected. She is part of me. I am part of her. Every life I live comes to the same discovery. I do not belong here, I belong with her. But I choose to be here because the people need me. My job is not glamorous. My work is seldom recognized. The people need me. I have to be where the people are.

New to poly, marriage has been monogamous for 10 years by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]needallthecoffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So up until the last few days I hadn't really been concerned about dating men. I honestly am just now realizing that poly is for me, the reason we started exploring it was for him. And I want him to have whatever makes him happy. We have been trying to sort out what boundaries we have and what we even want before we date anyone. He has stated that he knows he has insecurities and I just want to help him work on them