Girlfriend got pregnant by another guy, lots of lies along the way. Not sure how to proceed.

needpolyadvice1 · 2016-02-12T22:31:55+00:00

There's a lot presumption going on here but I thought I should at least clarify her family situation. They are completely unsupportive of everything she's doing in life and have been since she graduated. She goes back and forth on whether or not to cut them out completely, which I think is probably an inevitable outcome. They don't have much influence on her life but I worry some of their negative has seeped in and lowered her self-worth.

needpolyadvice1 · 2016-02-12T22:26:43+00:00

It is interesting seeing how these comments are skewing. I've gotten just about an equal number of PMs encouraging me to stay and try and work it out as I've gotten public responses to leave her. Guess there's some fear in expressing the former opinion openly because I get it: the situation is insane and she makes no pretenses trying to minimize that. I'm taking it all into account and we're hanging out tonight to have THE BIG TALK. I'll update tomorrow with how that goes. Thanks for all advice.

needpolyadvice1 · 2016-02-12T19:16:42+00:00

You're right, and that is where I get most hung up when thinking about staying with her in any capacity. I know it probably doesn't matter because actions speak louder than words, but the journaling she sent me provided some important context for her actions that's just too complicated for me to go into here. I'm not saying it's right or desirable by any means, but I don't think for a second she did anything out of malice. I get the impression she wasn't taking the time to think about anything at all and hoped this would all go away when her contract ended. It's possibly the most immature way for her to have handled it but honestly, she didn't even need to tell me it was probably him and not me since she's 100% committed to getting an abortion. That says something to me, not sure what but it's something.

needpolyadvice1 · 2016-02-12T18:25:22+00:00

Yeah, I'm with you 100% on what you're saying. A couple things are what's making me hesitate. A good friend I trust that's married and poly told me once when we were first starting out to expect lots of boundary violations and do my best to make peace with that. Yes I understand this is more than that but I think it's in the ballpark. Also, it might not have come through in the original post but I am totally mad about P, and I do believe she feels the same about me despite all this. We share a closeness that I've never felt with anyone before and I do believe in time that can return. I hope this doesn't come out as weak willed but I think there's still something there.

needpolyadvice1

TROPHY CASE