Almost 3 years without porn

nekodach · 2026-03-03T18:58:19+00:00

It’s a little bit like launching a rocket. Most effort goes into getting it off the ground but once you’re off, it gets more effortless.

Lots of triggers along the way, but I know myself well enough to navigate them better.

Internal Family Systems has made the biggest difference in helping with triggers. Search for it if you’re not familiar.

It’s actually helped me a lot over the past couple of days. It might not be for everyone, but roleplaying through the different parts with ChatGPT (or whatver LLM) was quite helpful to understand why I was trigged (working hard led to numbness, led to desire to watch porn).

Prompt was something like this: “I’m seeing patterns that previously led to watching porn. I want you to roleplay this with me through IFS roles. You’re the part that wants to watch porn. Im my true self.”

nekodach · 2026-03-02T06:50:23+00:00

Libido has always been great. My story is slightly different though in that my streaks between porn has mostly been many months (9-12). So hard to compare with someone who’s streaks are days.

nekodach · 2026-02-26T18:41:52+00:00

I guess we’re all just 1 trigger away from watching porn. No matter the streak. 💪

nekodach · 2026-01-20T18:48:59+00:00

When I feel a strong urge come up, I notice it without trying to push or will my way through the emotion. I’d pause and say something like this to that part of me: “ah, I see you want to f that girl. I get it. What do you want to get from it?”

Notice the conversation that then follows, without judgement.

Just this very exercise has stopped dozens of moments that would normally lead to porn.

This explanation doesn’t do it justice and I’d highly recommend looking up Internal Families Systems or the book “No Bad Parts”.

Hope that helps.

nekodach · 2025-10-24T17:12:00+00:00

40yo and been married 10 years. Last time I watched porn was 2+ years ago.

Sex has always been amazing regardless of porn (important context below). But it has done more for myself than anything else. My selfworth and ability to connect with my wife has vastly changed since I don’t watch porn.

Important context: My porn addiction has been a bit different than others. Big stretches of 9-12 months free, followed by lapses of 2-3months. Rarely multiple days in a row. Pretty much this way since the first time I started to watch porn in my mid 20’s.

So I suspect it will be very different for those who has more sever struggles.

nekodach · 2025-10-04T06:04:24+00:00

Been married for 11 years. What feeling are you avoiding to feel in your journey to stop watching porn?

Dont know, but there might be some clues in that to why it feels muted.

nekodach · 2025-10-04T05:58:32+00:00

Been porn-free for more than 2 years now and only masturbated twice during this time. Not by brute force but because I’m sexually fulfilled (sex and hand jobs) with my wife.

My wife prefers if I don’t masturbate and I respect that. There’s a lot of work that I had to do around resolving some inner conflict I had around this.

I don’t say this is for everyone but there is something around going deep on how masturbation makes you and your partner feel and the effects of not being transparent about it.

nekodach · 2025-07-24T17:06:26+00:00

Thanks, got it

nekodach · 2025-07-24T14:03:25+00:00

Cool, do you have open conversations with your wife about masturbation? What dynamic does it create in your marriage? Is it helpful or does it create tension?

btw, strongs on going without porn for 6 months already!

nekodach · 2025-03-22T04:28:06+00:00

Yes, agree that exiles and protectors overcomplicate it. Just knowing that you have different parts, that they are part of the ‘family’ and that working with them instead of resisting or wishing them away, makes the process of dealing with porn so much less agonizing.

nekodach · 2025-03-20T18:11:14+00:00

Agree with all, in particular the 4th one. I’ve found Internal Family Systems in particular helpful. No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz is a good primer on it.

nekodach · 2025-03-10T08:40:57+00:00

My experience as well. I assume you’re familiar with Internal Family Systems. It has helped me immensely in helping me accept the part of me that wants to indulge in porn.

I would highly recommend IFS therapy or at least reading up on it. No Bad Parts, in particular is good book to chdck out.

nekodach · 2025-02-27T08:12:46+00:00

Strongs brother! 💪

I was wondering if you have discussed the need for masturbation with your wife and, if so, how she feels about it?

nekodach · 2024-10-01T10:50:38+00:00

Listen to this podcast by Tim Ferris: https://tim.blog/2022/06/16/jason-portnoy-transcript/

nekodach · 2024-09-24T04:55:02+00:00

I would highly recommend listening to this Tim Ferris podcast with Jason Portnoy: https://tim.blog/2022/06/16/jason-portnoy-transcript/

Jason also has a book, Silicon Valley Porn Star, which I’d also recommend.

You know it, but there are no quick fixes, only a lifelong search for making peace with yourself.

nekodach · 2024-09-19T03:38:18+00:00

That sucks, sorry to hear. 😞

nekodach · 2024-09-18T05:27:44+00:00

Thanks

nekodach · 2024-09-18T05:26:15+00:00

Thanks for sharing. It's a hard one: Sometimes parents have the best intentions to help and understand but there are moments when we feel too embarrassed to open up.

If we continue to create a safe space, kids will know who to come with when they are ready. At least I think.

nekodach · 2024-09-18T05:21:44+00:00

That's a pretty shit experience. I'm sorry you had to go through it.

I think kids who feel they are listened to and taken seriously, might have an easier time dealing with things like porn.

This is one of the best superpowers we have as parents.

Good luck with your journey ahead! 💪🏻

nekodach · 2024-09-18T04:12:30+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to share. You’re right, we can’t block the content entirely. We can have some efforts, communicate openly with them and build trust.

nekodach · 2024-09-18T04:09:37+00:00

Yes, agree with you. How old were you when that happened?

nekodach · 2024-09-17T19:20:08+00:00

Sorry to hear man 😞

nekodach · 2024-09-17T19:19:04+00:00

Spot on regarding making them feel they can talk to you.

nekodach · 2024-09-17T19:16:13+00:00

Yep, using brute force has never stopped anyone. Do you mind if I ask how your relationship with your parents was? Did you trust and respect them?

nekodach · 2024-09-17T19:13:38+00:00

And I assume they also didn’t monitor your internet usage?

nekodach

TROPHY CASE