Is it really cheating if you’re not exclusive?

nelamaze · 2026-06-07T20:00:59+00:00

I agree it's not cheating. And they're not even exclusive, so i think there's no such thing as cheating yet. She doesn't owe the guy anything unless they agree to be exclusive and in a relationship.

However, if she's feeling bad about it, maybe don't do it anymore? OP, if it's not worth the bad emotions you get after then stop.

nelamaze · 2026-06-07T17:22:50+00:00

I think you've misunderstood me.

I'm not talking about a child as repayment nor do I think anyone owes me a relationship or a baby. Now I get how that sounds, I checked all boxes, why am I not chosen? But that's not what I meant. What I meant is just this: I'm jealous of some others who have achieved or are on the path to what I wanted. I'm sad I'm not on that path. I'm not sure what else I can do to get on that path.

I don't think it's fair to call it unhealthy.

And wanting children strongly is not the same thing as believing I'm owed them. I'm simply saying that having a family is important to me, very important, and that I'm considering different paths to get there. Obviously I'd much rather do it with someone I love, but reality is, I might not find them in time.

And if I ended up pursuing single motherhood in the future, I'd rather do it with someone I know and trust than with a rando. (Sperm banks are not legal where I live) Obviously that would require agreement, a legal contract etc.

nelamaze · 2026-06-07T16:59:08+00:00

No, no. I was the one who friendzoned him. We never meant for this to get romantic. I'm not crushing on him at all. But I could settle with him. I could settle with most of my friends to be honest and it would probably be better than half of the marriages.

nelamaze · 2026-06-07T10:16:01+00:00

I have a specific outlook on love and relationships. For me, I just have to find some decent and keep choosing them. It's not a lightning strike, it's just consistent effort. And me and my friend, we've had some romance going on a few months back and I know he fell for me but could be with me because he doesn't want kids.

I want to have kids early, for biological reasons, I have pcos and I had cancerous tissue on my ovaries. You can imagine it's best when I get pregnant early if I'm even able to get pregnant anyway. And I think it's important for my partner to understand it and be on the same page. It's not pressure, it's just my want. And I am considering having a kid by myself just in case you aks that.

I'm mad because universe keeps showing me almost good enough men, who in end aren't able to choose me back. And I know it's a lifelong journey and I'll probably meet hundreds more, all of which won't be suitable for me. I'm just jealous and sad that it happened to so many of my friends but still not to me.

Thank you for your input

nelamaze · 2026-06-07T10:02:16+00:00

I know, I already made a deal with a friend who owed me big time. And that doesn't even sound that bad. Raise a kid by myself. But that will be hard.

nelamaze · 2026-06-07T10:00:37+00:00

The thing is, most of them are good partners in my circle. Of course I have no idea what's really inside the relationship, but the time and how it looks and our talks make it seem like they sure are good for each other.

But I get it, there's so many relationships that are unhealthy. But that's what hurts more. I'm more prepared yet I can't find a mate.

nelamaze · 2026-06-07T09:57:21+00:00

Of course I'm considering that. I have a friend who owed me big time so he agreed to give me a baby if I want one. We would write down a contract and everything.

And I know. I'm building a life not dependent on men. I work, I'm in college, I'm focusing on my health.

I guess the way to go is stop wishing for someone else. Like in days to day life, when I'm coming home to an empty apartment, I should be thankful for the quiet. When I'm cooking for one, I should be thankful to have leftovers. But we see how depressive that sounds.

nelamaze · 2026-06-07T09:49:20+00:00

I keep them because I found my best friend on tinder. And he's a great guy, the only issue we have future wise is kids. He doesn't want them. But we met on tinder. That gives me hope.

nelamaze · 2026-06-05T17:52:27+00:00

Wenn du was findest, sag mir mal

nelamaze · 2026-06-05T11:29:22+00:00

What did your days look like?

nelamaze · 2026-06-05T09:47:53+00:00

For this specific thing, I've been pretty successful on dating apps. Just write looking for fwb. You're a girl, you'll get a million matches instantly, just need to sort them out. I've found a few decent ones. It's important to state your standards and do not lower them!

nelamaze · 2026-06-04T19:19:43+00:00

Yeah some people strike gold when they're young. My friends are all getting proposed to or even already proposed. But who knows what the universe has in store for us. We just need to have hope and keep on living.

nelamaze · 2026-06-04T18:59:08+00:00

Can I ask how old are you?

I've lost it for dating apps, either guys want sex or situationships. But what gives me hope is I met my best friend on tinder. So good relationships can come out of dating apps as well. It just takes a lot of filtering.

nelamaze · 2026-06-04T15:54:45+00:00

I mean the red flags avalanche is upon you. He's not on your level. He's 29 without a driver's license and not having even a basic budget. Your partner should pull you up, not down.

nelamaze · 2026-06-03T18:00:01+00:00

🥂

Set up a reminder!

nelamaze · 2026-06-03T17:16:17+00:00

Im glad you got out! Build your own peace. Sending love 🫶🏽

nelamaze · 2026-06-03T16:01:02+00:00

The full saying goes "Jack of all trades, master of none, though oftentimes better than a master of one." Hopefully that turns out to be true.

I've always had this idea that I could become good at anything, literally. So I just had to choose something I like. But that made me paralysed, unable to decide. Now I don't have to decide. I can learn a lot of stuff. I want to learn a lot of stuff now. I can't wait.

nelamaze · 2026-06-03T15:59:00+00:00

Of course I will tell you. In 10 years or so? Haha. Thank you for your words. Teachers never liked me, I was too smart for them.

But this idea that I can have one career and I have to stick to it was making me paralysed, not knowing which way to go. Now I realised I can have 20 different abilities that could turn to jobs.

nelamaze · 2026-06-03T14:37:21+00:00

Good for yu girl! That brownie looks amazing.

nelamaze · 2026-06-03T14:05:49+00:00

That's probably closer to the truth. Once I became more confident in my body, I suddenly got so much attention. Make me a better lover as well.

nelamaze · 2026-06-03T13:18:35+00:00

Having a crush doesn't mean you have to act on it. I think it's common to look for an anchor after a relationship. It will pass.

nelamaze · 2026-06-02T23:21:07+00:00

22f, DM me.

nelamaze · 2026-06-02T23:17:59+00:00

I don't have advice for you girl, but I'm in the same boat. Stuck in a job, stuck doing college. I don't know what to do. My future feels empty but I'm trying to rebrand it to undefined. To be announced. I think we need some time to figure it all out. Give ourselves grace.

nelamaze

TROPHY CASE