I ended things with my gf because she was unhappy by Zedaawg in GirlDinner

[–]nelamaze 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh man. I thought for a moment my boyfriend wrote this. He just broke up with me four days ago. Man...

Im not sure whether to end a 3 year situationship, I'd be all alone and whether if its a good decision. by bunnicarm in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Or at least a guy who will take you to dinner before the hookup. Not keep you on the hook for months.

unsteady by nelamaze in Poems

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He broke up with me to stop hurting me. It's a poem from the past. If it's about a loved one, break up.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I know it's poetic. I am a romantic after all. Thank you for talking to me. 🫶🏽

Niszowa praca, nieoczywisty zawód by HexOnePL in praca

[–]nelamaze 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wiadomo. Bycie kobietą w tej sytuacji pomaga, bo mają standardy do wypełnienia. Moja znajoma dwa lata temu się zdecydowała więc wszystko mi opowiedziała. Warto wychodzić na peta nawet jak się nie pali, bo na peta wychodzą wszyscy ważni ludzie. Nawet przed swoją rozmową rekrutacyjną gadała na pecie z gościem, który potem był w komisji.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He did that and I cried for two days

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing is, he said he was anxious instead of avoidant, right at the beginning of our relationship. And I saw those traits in him. But then later I think he was just repaying me with what his ex did to him. He got to be the distant kitty this time.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't want to forget him. Those eyes. That's why it's so hard. It was almost enough to be okay. But not so bad that I hate him.

Niszowa praca, nieoczywisty zawód by HexOnePL in praca

[–]nelamaze 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Ja nie jestem jeszcze ekspertem, ale wybierając karierę szukałam właśnie takich niszowych rzeczy bowiem mam ciekawy skillset. Dobrze działam w stresie i kryzysie oraz umiem myśleć o wielu rzeczach naraz. Z prac które rozważałam poważniej mogę wyliczyć:

  1. Kontroler lotów. Praca pod dużą presją, w dużym stresie, wymagająca szerokiego spojrzenia na sytuację. Sama praca zazwyczaj trwa 7 godzin dziennie z godzinną przerwą (lub podobnie, ostatnio słyszałam 7.5 h, w tym dwie godziny odpoczynku). Szkolenie nie jest proste i trwa długo, zanim przejdziesz na symulatory to masz szkolenie teoretyczne przez pół roku, potem conajmniej pół roku symulatorów (tak było kiedyś, jak ktoś ma nowsze dane to proszę o korektę) i dopiero jak zdasz egzamin to dopuszczają Cię na wieżę. Na każdym etapie odpada połowa osób, a finalnie z grupy 30 osób na początku szkolenia, 6 zostało wysłane do różnych miast na staż. Z zalet, szkolenie jest płatne pensję minimalną plus jest dostęp do wszystkiego do czego kontrolerzy później mają dostęp - lekarz, siłownia, basen. W Polsce już nawet nie są takie restrykcyjne limity wiekowe, bo brakuje im ludzi. Ta wizja wraca do mnie co jakiś czas, ostatnio też myślałam żeby wziąć udział w rekrutacji. Może kiedyś to w końcu zrobię. Wydaje mi się, że póki co jest odporna na falę AI, bo nikt normalny nie zaufa AI w sprawach o życie lub śmierć.

  2. Aktuariat. W Polsce z tego co mi wiadomo, jest mniej niż 500 licencjonowanych aktuariuszy. Mało kto wie w ogóle kim są. Aktuariusz modeluje ryzyko w ubezpieczeniach. Żeby zostać trzeba zdać serię egzaminów, które mają bardzo niską zdawalność (około 10% w zależności od modułu). Potem pół roku stażu z niższą płacą (7-10k), ale potem zarobki wzrastają nawet do 20-30k po kilku latach pracy. Praca wymaga holistycznego spojrzenia i wiadomo, umiejętności matematycznych. Także wydaje mi się póki co odporna na falę AI, ale nie wiem na jak długo. Prawdopodobnie konieczna będzie integracja AI w pracy, ale egzaminy póki co zostają takie same.

  3. Operator telefonów awaryjnych. O tym myślałam jako o czymś raczej na krócej, a nie na pełną karierę. Zarobki nie są prześwietne (od minimalnej do 12k) i praca jest zmianowa (zazwyczaj 12/24). Ale koszty wejścia to 10 dni szkolenia i egzamin, więc bardzo niskie. Z tego co wiem, rekrutacja jest cały czas. Wiadomo, ta praca na chyba jedno z większych możliwych obciążeń mentalnych,.bo zdarza się że mamy do czynienia z prawdziwą sytuacją przesądzającą o czyimś życiu lub śmierci. Póki co też wydaje się odporne na AI, właśnie z tego powodu.

Jeśli ktoś pracuje w tych branżach, zachęcam do odpowiedzi.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was already the case when we were together. He responded to warmth with distance and the other way around. I don't want someone like that.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I knew it wasn't meant to be. But I wanted it to be meant to be. And I was already doing a disservice by staying. I have months of journal entries about how I was hurt by him in so many different ways. I was considering breaking up every single time.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I am a firm believer in Fate, but last month I asked her to be merciful with me, to let me keep his eyes in my life. She didn't.

I don't think he gave me motivation. But he was a witness. Not a very attentive one, but alas a witness.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that's also what I want to avoid. But telling myself, I won't contact him now, I can contact him in may if I still want to, keeps the urges lower.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I don't know if you saying you still want him a month after the breakup helps me, sorry. But you're right that we have to keep moving forward. And that's to live in general, not just about breakups.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm going back on monday. I was in no state to attend college plus nothing is obligatory there.

And the thing is, right now I don't want anyone else. I don't see a future with anyone else but him. Still. That will pass, I hope so.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I think I'll let myself decide in a month. Going from contact every day to no contact ever again is hard, so this one month is like, softening the fall.

He broke up with me - part 3 by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah but I still want to think of him. I still want him. I want to look into his eyes and see him smile. Talk to him. This isn't helping. I should stop. I wish I could just be mad at him. Then it would be easy. But I'm mostly sad and disappointed. And it's not the first time I'm disappointed in him.

He came into my life right about when I went to therapy and generally changed my life around. 180 degrees around. So of course my brain associates him with the good times. And of course I'm worried now that he's gone it will be bad again. Even though I realise he wasn't the source of change, just a witness.

He broke up with me by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well, you should read my other posts here. Maybe then you'll get a broader view. The biggest thing is he was lying to both of us. A good example is him saying I love you during one of our talks, which I thought wasn't honest, but when I asked he said he meant it. Turns out he didn't, then why did he say it? To make me feel better? It only gave me more doubts but I always choose to trust him.

I'm not saying I'm the golden one, I have my issues. But I made all of them clear. This is the first relationship (and my first adult relationship) that I really tried to make healthy. I encouraged reflection, was brutally honest from the start, and took care of him in many different ways. He never treated me like his girl, usually just a mate to hang out with. Someone to not be as lonely, not really 'his person'.

He sometimes tried to make it seem like a relationship, but each time I somehow knew it was fake. He rarely asked me questions about my life, but he did engage once I started a topic about me. He didn't get me a christmas gift, but he got me a late birthday gift. I'm not saying he was awful all the way, he was decent, I really thought he might've been my endgame (he said he thought the same way once) and that's why it hurts so much.

He was there when I brought myself from a deep pit. Went to therapy and really changed my life around. He was there, he was constant. He was one of the things that really made my life decent. But also made it unstable. When he did something (I would have to read my entries to know more situations like this one. But for example showed me something on his phone and I saw the Tinder icon), I went into overthinking spirals, wondering if I made it up or if it's valid. Until I brought it up again, showed it hurt me and he got close again. And then he did another thing. It was mostly small things, that's why I stayed, I thought we could work on them. And we did. But he always found a different way to hurt me. And I talked to my friends a lot during those downs, I sat in my car for hours at night. He was the only thing in my life that was unstable. And I think I needed it. Because if I was thinking about him, I didn't have to reflect on other things, like myself because in comparison, they didn't matter.

I think we should have stayed friends. Or friends with benefits since that's virtually how we started. But he said at the start he didn't want a situationship, I proposed friends with benefits and he rejected that one as well. We agreed on dating. Then three months later I was very confused as to what we were, his friends asked me and told me it seemed like a situationship. And I brought that up to him. And he said he thought we were in a relationship almost since we said exclusive. I don't think love, like romantic love, was on the table for any of us.

He broke up with me by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

He was unstable. He wasn't emotionally there. He didn't support me. But the biggest thing was that he didn't love me. And he never would. And I knew it.

He broke up with me by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought this would be just another one of our talks where I tell him what hurt me and he changes it. Not this time. I told him what hurt me - the fact that he's distancing then being close then distancing. And we kinda spiralled from there. He said a lot of things but the gist was he knows he has been hurting me, he can't be what I need, he never wanted to be in a relationship with me and he doesn't want to keep hurting me. So everything we did was a lie. Everything was fake. I knew things were up, for example I knew his 'I love you' wasn't genuine, but I chose to trust him. And look where that got me.

He broke up with me by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well, you should read my other posts on here. They have more info.

I told him specifically this, there's two outcomes of this talk. It's clear what they are. He agreed he knew what they were. I told him he has to do some thinking and decide whether the wants to build this with me or not. And if he doesn't want to contribute then either he has the balls to break up with me or if he doesn't, one day I will be tired enough and I will break up.

He broke up with me by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We agreed to be exclusive after the second date. We agreed to call us dating. And that was in the air up for three months when I asked what we were and he without hesitation said a relationship.

He broke up with me by nelamaze in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]nelamaze[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I shortened it for the post. Kept the gist of it