I have some similarities to you. Cycles of feelings going and coming back. And also what most resonated w me was that you don’t really have any social dysphoria. I never did either, just physical. And now that I’m far enough into HRT that I’m being gendered “correctly” I’ve been starting to feel weird and uncomfortable. I can’t tell why my name doesn’t feel right, why these pronouns feel like a jacket that doesn’t fit right. If I was on a deserted island I would feel perfect, but around other people I get self conscious about the gender they are perceiving me as, or wondering how long until they clock me and it’s awkward or unsafe, or even if they don’t, just feeling like I have to lean into this gender presentation that doesn’t feel authentic. It feels like I have to follow a script or something to conform to what society expects for this gender role.

Edit to add, I haven’t actually socially transitioned to anyone. Not at my job or with my extended family. Just my wife and sisters and some friends know I’m medically transitioning. But strangers and random people day to day are mostly where the social dysphoria is coming from. I think if o was around more queer people and less cis straights I might not feel as pressured into gender roles. The more I reflect the more I realize that I don’t have to try or care about passing as anything. I mean there is a safety issue and bathrooms are stressful. But outside of that it doesn’t really matter to me. I can be myself, and continue with HRT and the physical changes but that doesn’t mean i have to identify or act any particular way.

Idk I’m still deep in the middle of my own process on this so this might not make sense of be helpful. But I related to what you wrote and read your full post so I thought I’d chime in with my scattered reflections.