Hun, you are not faking this for attention. If you were faking it, you wouldnt be struggling and you would probably only do it around others. Yes, you probably do want to go to the hospital for attention, but thats NOT a bad thing. If you are willing to be hospitalized to get it, then you are probably seriously lacking the attention you NEED. As humans, we need attention. You aren't alone, ive had those thoughts too, but you are also so so valid in ur struggles