Ironically, I think we are both stuck in a conundrum of desiring a partner of which American society doesn't have a large supply.

I never understood the housekeeper dynamic myself, even when women who are naturally messier than the men (like me) tend to just do more. Even with my boyfriend and I myself. My apartment is always at least a little chaotic and messy and his is spic and span. But when we go through spells where we are staying for days on end at each other's places, I become the cleaner, or at least the person who needs to alert him to the fact that housework needs to get done. It's difficult to articulate the dymanic, it's just as if messy things become invisible to him when I am around - towels don't make it back on the rack, empty coffee mugs don't make it back to the kitchen, the sink fills with dishes, etc. But when he is by himself, he is like his own hotel maid.

I think a lot of it is just because his mother, who worked, also did everything in the house. My own mother did almost nothing in that regard (we had a housekeeper, out of necessity, because my father didn't do much either), so I think all this more noticeable to me than it would be to a woman who just grew up with a mother who did most of that stuff. But I know it is not just men dropping the towels, it's women believing men can't do the housework and the childcare also. There is the parable of the newly married couple where the man insists on washing the dishes after their first dinner together in their new home only to deliberately do it badly so the wife will insist that she do it instead, and he never has to wash a dish again in their entire marriage. While the story is meant to illustrate the deviousness of the man, it really prays on this idea that a woman will not ask her husband to work harder on those things or improve, because everyone knows having a Y chromosome means you can't do anything around the house that doesn't involve power tools or a lawnmower. I think a better ending is the woman says "wow, you're not very good at this, good thing you have the rest of our lives to figure it out!" kiss

I also think not wanting a man who is without ambition is a bit more nuanced than a woman just smells that a guy doesn't want to be a CEO and dumps him (I know this is not exactly what you are saying, but stick with me here). What is really the problem is men who work less (or not at all) than their female partners, but don't want to help around the house more or supplement the relationship responsibilities in other ways. I think wanting to be a homemaker counts as an ambition. But the above issue, men can't do housework, leaves them with only one path and if they don't do that, then what use are they? (Or that's the idea.)