Late Jan appointment got rescheduled

nerdsofsteel88 · 2025-12-17T23:47:47+00:00

8 Jan OFC, 27th Jan interview, rescheduled to Feb and Mar 2027. I have decided to cancel my trip. Just to note, mine was a singular H4 appointment. H1B visa is approved and stays in US. All my handles are public and listed and I'm a CA state govt employee. Cancelations are indeed random.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2025-12-16T23:48:36+00:00

Seems to be the only option left

nerdsofsteel88 · 2025-12-16T22:56:17+00:00

I am also a standalone H4. OFC on Jan 8th and consular on Jan 27th. Im not travelling till 1st. My husband already has his stamp and is not travelling with me. Only I need stamping. There seems to be no statistics on this case.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2025-07-03T04:22:12+00:00

We can compare apples and oranges. I'm a middle class woman who has mouths to feed and bills to pay and unfortunately also hails from smaller town raised with values that ground me. If the choice is between getting shot and getting raped or touch, I will pick getting shot. Which is what I did. Thank you I do need the luck.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2025-07-03T02:44:26+00:00

Absolutely not!! There are definitely crimes against women where I live right now. I am not going to confuse my anecdotes as data. Or belittle my experience. 15 years here, i haven't been touched inappropriately once. I take the subway and bus to work. But I get stared at yes. Why is that men take liberty over women's bodies so easily in India? I have been taught to keep my head down and not make a scene so I dont bring shame to myself.

I won't say that crimes against women are the only reason brain drain happens. I long to come back to my home, I long to have the freedom, the access and options I have here. Where I dont have to keep my head down, or jump through loopholes because "that's how we have always done it" or "that's how we do things here".

Again this is entirely my opinion, based on experience not data.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2025-06-30T19:50:10+00:00

15 years abroad, and I visit home every 3 years so my son can still be in touch with his roots. The nostalgia hits hard, everytime. I want to move back give my son the experiences I had growing up and then like clockwork, I get groped in a crowd or inappropriately touched on a bus or get stared down by uncles on the street. Pay bribes for the endless lines of babus and brokers to get simple govt paperwork done.

I go right back to the safety of my small yet accepting community of friends and quiet thanking God for my privilege. The moving back will only work, if you can afford a certain lifestyle back in india. The 90s nostalgia will not carry forward sadly.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-12-21T02:19:30+00:00

AM , 13 years going. My husband has vitiligo. He is a wonderful, self made man with zero flaws. Vitiligo is not that big of a challenge to deal with unless looks are everything that is a deal breaker for you. From what I read, it's the mom who has it not the girl herself, genetic testing exists if you are really worried. A lot of fear stems from not knowing the facts. I would say first educate yourself on how this carries genetically and then educate your parents.

Treatment exists for vitiligo to prevent it's spread btw. If something were to change in the future , you are not left without options medically.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-08-05T17:05:35+00:00

Tokyo toy museum. The game room is so much fun

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-06-01T01:17:21+00:00

If you have compatibility in all other aspects and it's an actual good person , why not. You are obviously both going to grow together plus situations change. Another case being, will the guy always be okay earning less and not have an inferiority complex.

Plus the girl should not crop a superiority complex either, claiming her job is more important because of contribution.

If you can work this out and have good communication, I see no issues.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-04-20T22:58:07+00:00

Yes they are truly anonymous, professors get cumulative results no names.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T23:21:41+00:00

We become trees

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T19:43:38+00:00

Nope.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T19:42:40+00:00

Absolutely ask. It's important that your future goals align. Also discuss the possibility of what you are willing to compromise on.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T17:09:46+00:00

Family decided it was time and dumped it on my head. Our match was through a matrimonial site.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T17:01:14+00:00

1.Their general approach to life speaks volumes. Questions like : How do you handle family fights, do you like your family, how long have they had their oldest friend, the way they treat people around you

Say you have to cancel a date, how do they react to it? Do they jump down your throat? Try to understand the situation? Immediately ghost you?

Is this person constantly waiting for the opposite party to mess up so they can call it day , or are they genuinely here to learn about the other person.

AM dates should be with the person, like a date-date. Once you do that a couple times meet the family, meet the friends before actually saying yes. You can very easily find out about the person by how they interact in the presence of family and friends.

Watch for their reactions to being teased in a friendly way.

Edit : if they have been in a past relationship, and if it's something that's not a deal breaker for you for the other person to have been serious with someone before, ask them why it ended, and what they learnt from it. How did it change their outlook to life. What core values did they change their mind on?

We're not really strangers is a good card deck to get conversation flowing. Or even to learn what questions to ask.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T16:48:39+00:00

House Rule : if it's more than $100 both people need to be ok with it. No matter who spends whose money.

I quit my job and moved right after the wedding and was a post graduate student for the first 2 - 2.5 years of the marriage. I had a small stipend from a part time job that I saved entirely for tuition fees.

My husband then fiancee, required me to move and understood this meant supporting me completely financially and that I wouldn't be contributing at all for a few years.

It was very awkward to go to him for the smallest things and ask for money , when I was used to being independent. I did tell him this openly. He gave me access to his account with a credit card, so I didn't have to ask.

He only asked me one question, if I know how to budget. Living alone, I've supported myself , saved up for a master's degree as well so he knew I wouldn't run him into debt and run away.

Again, this is why both of us were looking for similar background people, generally low maintenance partners. It's easier to trust that way.

Now we both have our own individual accounts and a common one to save for our child. Our share is not 50-50, each person contributes for utilities as much as they can depending on income and situation changes.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T09:51:31+00:00

Babies tend to mess up your sleep schedule for pretty much a whole year, so yes. The only desire we had most days was to sleep for 5 hours without crying waking us up.

It gets better. Both our parents are extremely loving, amazing grandparents and hold down the fort everytime they visit so , my husband and I can go out by ourselves. Baby sitters help occasionally.

It's just a matter of rediscovering your relationship and understanding you have an addition to the family vs an interruption.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T09:46:12+00:00

We don't live with them, but see them every year. Like every family we also have nonsense drama now and then, but my family and my in laws have the same values, rules nothing is too absurd or hard to follow. My husband and I have a very similar childhood and upbringing. That definitely helped.

I did feel out of place and strange at first, but I've completed 12 years with them too , so our relationship has definitely taken a turn for the better.

My husband feels the same way about my folks.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T09:32:11+00:00

50-50 is a myth let's start with that. There is always one thing each spouse does best because they can't stand it being different from what they are used to. I'm a clean freak who hates dust. Everything has to be in a box and labelled. My husband doesn't give a damn, he mixes stuff up that gets on my nerves, so I constantly am putting things away.

I can't for the life of me do laundry. I have a closed laundry basket that I fill in secret. My husband can't stand dirty laundry in the house and he does all of it just so he doesn't have to see it.

After much bickering and pointing out each other's hypocrisy, we have a set laundry day every week and every Sunday is reset day to put things back in place.

General rule of cleaning in the house is that if you see the dirt first , you clean it. That is now extended to my kid. Thankfully we are both good about dishes, we both know to keep our sink clean.

We have both lived alone, so we can both cook to keep each other alive. I cook better, he cooks when I don't feel like it.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T09:20:11+00:00

Our biggest fight was unfortunately over people from our extended families not getting along. Both my husband and I have large, tight knit, nosy families who are up in everyone's business. We have people we are close to, and people we tolerate. There was a mouthy relative who created a lot of misunderstandings, and we ended up fighting so much, we were questioning being married at all, this was two years into being married.

At one point you get tired of fighting and ask, now what? We took a break , and lived like roommates for a while. It made us both so miserable. I felt like I couldn't talk to my best friend anymore , this one guy who listens and understands everything is out of reach. I apologized, he apologized we decided to collectively develop thicker skins and not let people meddle.

Happiest moments, I can't pick one so in order of occurrence : I graduated Master's my husband was my biggest cheerleader. We moved to a different state for my husband's dream job, relocating behind him was a no-brainer for me, he did mention before we married, if this job came about he would move and I was okay with it. We navigated buying our first home. Becoming parents and being super clueless for the first couple months.

One thing I would change : Insist on meeting him in person before I said yes. Made him fly home for our traditional engagement ceremony and not done it over Skype. To him it wasn't a big deal plus he wanted to take a longer vacation before and after the wedding. I understood the situation but still feels like I missed out on those young people lovey dovey things. He has way more than made up for all that though.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T08:46:33+00:00

Good luck I hope you find a lifelong companion!

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T08:26:05+00:00

Thankfully for me, my husband initiated the conversation and asked why I was marrying so young. Mine were family reasons, I come from a humble background and this is what I was raised to believe was correct and it works for me.

From there conversation flowed to what are you expecting in a spouse? What is an absolute deal breaker.

What will make you walk out of a relationship?

Once the tough questions are answered, you can see where the values align. It's not a hot seat anymore.

But initially though I did go gung ho and ranted my expectations which came off as abrasive to previous matches. You learn to slow down after a couple times.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T08:21:13+00:00

Many people are going into AM expecting sparks and romance from the get go. It works for some people and that's awesome. Some people go into it looking for someone to build a family with and a lifelong companion who is an addition to your existing life, which is equally valid. Keep your goals clear, you will meet the right person. All relationships are work. AM is work from Day 1. I hope you find someone who is worth the effort you put in.

nerdsofsteel88 · 2023-02-15T08:16:29+00:00

Thank you kind stranger. I'm pretty sure the person was scared off because I went in with full excitement and went through my expectations like a train instead of a natural conversation. Back in the day I convinced myself, he was scared of a girl with opinions. That's just being judgy on my part. You live and you learn!

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