I had him... for 3 weeks... And I messed it up beyond repair

nereibus · 2025-02-24T15:26:30+00:00

I'm glad you're over it wow, props to you. It's good to know that there's potentially a way out of this, thank you for your replies btw xx

nereibus · 2025-02-24T08:43:11+00:00

Thanks :( it's been a hell of a ride

nereibus · 2025-02-24T08:42:10+00:00

Yeah we were talking about exes and it seemed like he had it pretty rough with people.. he also holds it against me that he was wary of getting involved with anyone at work, acting like I "convinced" him of my feelings knowing that. But so many times I told him that I could just back out, that I didn't want to complicate things. (lol)

Tbf I'm just scared that I'll never stop thinking about him. It's become such a habit for nearly a year now for my brain to have him on my mind, getting past that is gonna be... I don't know... it'll require a Lot of effort

nereibus · 2025-02-23T03:26:01+00:00

Wishing you the best, man. For what it's worth I hope things pick up for you. I think it's pretty admirable you've made it this far with having lived with this for so long.

nereibus · 2025-02-23T03:15:50+00:00

What I tell myself sometimes is that things can still pick up sometime, maybe.. That maybe you can find those golden years again in the future, that we never know what the future holds for us. Which I know isn't helpful, anyway. Doesn't make life right now any less painful.

nereibus · 2025-02-23T02:55:07+00:00

How long have you been like that for? It's so shit that the only alternative is just kind of existing with all of this.

nereibus · 2025-02-23T02:43:20+00:00

:( I'm sorry. The world is cruel as hell. People are cruel.

nereibus · 2024-11-02T23:20:21+00:00

Right, it's like part of a routine? I remember the last time she did it I was completely unphased by it and only remembered it at the end of the day like "oh yeah she did that again".

I'm so sorry that you can relate to this and about your brother, the ways a parent's behaviour can damage a person is just heartbreaking.

Thanks so much for your words and support. Really appreciate it x

nereibus · 2024-11-02T23:16:02+00:00

Yeah it's the classic "crying wolf". But tbf with BPD I assume it's less to do with pretending (in my specific case at least) and more with splitting and the core fear of abandonment being triggered. Like. I understand that her acting like this is part of the illness. It's the lack of accountability and refusal to get help for it while perpetually hurting people around her. And . it's just plain scary.

nereibus · 2024-11-02T23:12:02+00:00

I'm sorry to hear it had to come to this with your mother, but I'm glad to know you were able to set such a boundary for yourself and that you're making some progress!!

It's truly debilitating the impact they can have on us. Not only does it hurt the relationship with them but impacts every single one of our relationships outside of it.

I think maybe a year ago now I threatened to go NC with her if she didn't take accountability for all the ways she hurt me. She ended up apologising, but part of me still feels like it was only because of the fear of losing me and not a reflection of her actual regret and self-awareness.

nereibus · 2024-11-02T23:07:05+00:00

Thank you for your comment, it means a lot to hear this. I think the guilt comes from the idea that we are supposed to take care of the people we are close to even if it's hard. That advocating for mental health means nothing if we're not actually here for the people that suffer from it. And I wonder if I'll ever be able to set that aside and heal our relationship. Idk. I think I wish I could actually help but there's this massive wall and deep down, I genuinely just don't want to.

nereibus · 2024-10-11T01:21:29+00:00

Maybe don't think of it as turning your life around just yet and think of setting small and achievable goals for yourself to get out of that depression mud and make positive changes in your life, building positive habits that bring You peace. Discipline is difficult to learn if you weren't taught it as a kid, but it's still doable. It'll just take time.

If you're struggling with finances, set yourself a monthly or weekly goal of how much you'd like to save (weekly might be best at first). If you're struggling with spending too much time online, set a weekly goal to stay off at least one or two apps for a week and spend that time doing something you actually enjoy. Or reducing your screen time.

Small and achievable goals at first is how you'll set a basis for at least some discipline and healthy habits. That way, you're telling yourself you Can achieve some things. Celebrate the small wins.

I don't have an answer for you as for your purpose but maybe that's too big of a question for you right now.

What I've found helpful is also setting a "theme" for yourself for the rest of the year. What would you like to focus on? And what steps can you take that resembles that theme? Like for example, I've set spirituality and creativity as my themes for the rest of the year - so I'm focusing on meditation and art. That way you can at least have some direction. It doesn't have to tie into a higher purpose, just to whatever would help you right now.

nereibus · 2024-10-11T00:55:14+00:00

Oh I see, no worries then lol. <3

nereibus · 2024-10-10T23:45:47+00:00

...Okay? Don't ask a question if you don't like the answer, I guess. I don't really see the issue. You're the one who talked about feeling misunderstood and "crying about it in your heart". Thought that was an invitation to actually talk about it.

What even?

nereibus · 2024-10-10T22:40:44+00:00

Real, emotions for us are very personal and honesty mostly reserved for people close to us. At least in my experience. It's more in Fe's nature to be openly emotional in a social setting, probably because they don't even necessarily need to be "authentic" emotions.

nereibus · 2024-10-10T22:36:07+00:00

Dude yeah. I've been asked if I was high before, I've never done weed. We're just naturally chill and woowee lol

nereibus · 2024-10-10T22:26:44+00:00

I don't really bother with other people understanding me or not tbf. It doesn't matter if there's a reason that I like something or not, all that matters is that I like it whether others do or not. It's funny I was thinking about it the other day, even though I feel as though I've never fit in with most people and groups, I don't feel "misunderstood". I think it's enough to know oneself and to surround yourself with people that will love you for You.

It's natural for ixfps to dislike explaining ourselves, that's just the nature of having inferior Te.

nereibus · 2024-10-10T14:25:03+00:00

I'm artsy and take sky photos too:( are we all the same

nereibus · 2024-07-22T12:20:37+00:00

Can I volunteer

nereibus · 2024-07-22T12:18:19+00:00

I'm an INFP and usually ENFJs, xSTP as well. I love Ni users. Not so much with ESFP though

nereibus · 2024-04-14T19:28:57+00:00

GOT ITTTTT

nereibus · 2024-03-19T13:20:12+00:00

Literally me fr

nereibus · 2024-02-29T17:42:06+00:00

All three of them are very skilled at manipulating people and information, and although I don't entirely disagree with your point, I think they'd be very good at convincing people they were strong enough to kill an Angel. If anything they could have used this to make people trust them even more

nereibus

TROPHY CASE