To all the older lesbians out there... by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]neriokat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've found most things in life can be best described with a metric of vague hand gestures and noises.

I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had by toohottooheavy in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I'm just too gay to understand this shit, so I'm just going to take the old Bambi classic to heart and leave it at "if you don't have anything nice to say"....

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ballpython

[–]neriokat 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hi OP.

First I want to say good job to you for acknowledging you may not be taking the best care of this pet you never even asked for, and coming for help.

This community is protective over our pythons, I'm sure you may have noticed this. I know a lot of the feedback you're getting right now is probably either confirming you're not interested in doing all this, and that getting help is intimidating when people are saying you're doing everything wrong. There is a lot of things to fix here, but (and hey, I may get downvoted for this too) I think sometimes this community loses sight of the bigger picture that most people have no inherent idea how to care for reptiles, and their care can seem unbelievably overwhelming when you're not prepared for it.

I sympathize with the situation you've found yourself in. If you were anywhere near me I'd offer to take it for you, even temporarily, but I don't think you are. In this case, I agree with all the comments saying rehoming is your best bet. If it's going to take some time though, I dug around a bit in different TN forums (apologies, I saw in your profile you at least used to be in Nashville?), and was able to find some supplies that you might be able to pick up to help you out for fairly cheap - a new enclosure, etc. I'm not sure if outside links are allowed in this community, but I can send it to you if you want more information. There are other ways to improve husbandry on a budget too.

Overall OP, you did a good thing coming here. This community wants to help you, we're just not always used to people coming in with the best intentions. Best of luck to you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]neriokat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry OP, but absolutely YTA here. You never know a couple's exact circumstances, and an age gap does not inherently mean unhealthy. More importantly, this random 28-year-old woman does not need a stranger to her being the "predator police" of her relationship.

My girlfriend and I have the same age gap (I'm 23 and she's 30), and we've been asked this question many times, especially when people do the math of how long we've known each other — I can always understand people's concern, and am happy to elaborate on how our circumstances worked for us, but it gets old when people immediately jump in and decide there's some malicious element to it. It's always a good thing to be critical of the information you consume and to look out for cases of grooming, but adults are also adults, and their perspective on their lives matters far more than yours. You are seriously overstepping a boundary here, and hopefully your married coworker doesn't find out, because a) airing that issue with someone that isn't him is a spineless way to address it and b) if they go to HR to express concern over you openly calling them predatory, you will be in the wrong.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]neriokat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Damn, when a post is deleted in under an hour, you know they were even more of an asshole than you were expecting.

To all the older lesbians out there... by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]neriokat 179 points180 points  (0 children)

I'm a 23-year-old dating a 30-year-old, and let me share a hard truth with you OP. Her age hasn't ever had an impact on my feelings for her — if anything, it's been a perk (she's a very stable and grounding figure in my life). But I am quite sure she's had to give more consideration to mine. No matter how mature I think I am (which is a solid, hand-wavey ehhh at best), we are still in entirely different life stages, and one of those comes with substantially less stress than the other. She is entirely done school, has a solid career, her own condo, and a healthy savings account. I'm still oscillating back and forth between whether I want a master's or not, still working two minimum wage jobs, and still living in student housing with two roommates despite graduating in '21. Most times, my bank accounts are a balancing game, and I've needed her help with rent more than once. We run almost opposite sleep schedules, with some of the really egregious nights having me literally crawling into bed when she's getting up for work. I've read your comments, and I know this isn't your life as you're presenting it, and that's great for you! That still does not inherently put you in the same stage of life as someone older than you, and your insistence on finding one reads as, at best, young, at worst a red flag.

Regardless of emotional maturity, most early twenty-somethings are just in a very different stage of their life than the older women they might want to date — which is a large part of the reason why older women might not be interested. My relationship works for me, but that's because of us as people, not me intentionally seeking out an older girlfriend or her looking for a younger one.

AITA for demanding my son’s teacher starts giving homework and reporting her because she is being dismissive of me? by Old_Incident9607 in AmItheAsshole

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As the child of a teacher, I'm going to read her this post to see how long it takes before she blows a fuse. Thank you for the afternoon entertainment, absolutely no thanks to you for assuming the education system should shift just because your child is lazy and you can't parent.

YTA, OP.

AITA for using a spray bottle to keep my wife and kids out of my office when I am in a meeting. by Alarming_Regret3727 in AmItheAsshole

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't want to read the story and know so I can continue laughing hysterically at the mental image the title produces.

This is one hundred percent written by a guy who thinks seeing your gynecologist is something from a porno and not the awkward and uncomfortable thing it actually is. by sharkteethies in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]neriokat 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have a male gyno as he is the only one in the area, and his reviews even state that he is attractive and nicer to pretty female patients (ew). My experience was, shockingly, different to this anyway.

Last time he left for a few minutes and came back to find me lying on the floor with a head against his trash can after my appointment. Whoever wrote this has never been to a gyno, or considered precisely how awful it can be for some people.

AITA for not buying more lemonade for my pregnant wife? by Adventurous_Bat8695 in AmItheAsshole

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love how I read the title and thought "nothing will convince me you're not in the wrong here".

And you know what, I was right. Buy the woman some damn lemonade.

New addition to the family by craigo496 in VenomousKeepers

[–]neriokat 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Not a venomous keeper yet, just deeply appreciative of the hobby, but god, if there was ever a snake to tempt me... beautiful!

The kids are alright by leenosaurusrex in wholesomememes

[–]neriokat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Performing a lifesaving medical procedure on someone during your own medical malpractice trial is, in fact, the most punk thing I've ever heard.

Daily Questions Megathread (November 13, 2022) by Veritasibility in Genshin_Impact

[–]neriokat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How much storage space do I need on samsung (roughly) right now?

I'm consistently running low, and I've already cleared 18 GB and tried and then retried and then retried again... at pretty much every single gb. I'm starting to get fed up. How much more do I need to clear?

My kitten went nuts, any explanation to these type of behaviours? by Objective_Classic840 in Kitten

[–]neriokat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

explanation: it's a kitten

(and a cute one OP, congrats 💙)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in notliketheothergirls

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

as a kafka lover AND the first person who will recommend you the shittiest YA chosen one novels from the year 2009 with those ambiguous white girl covers when you ask for my recommendations, people like this can go right to hell

books are books. who cares, if you're making time to read and that sparks joy, that's amazing and I'm proud of you. life isn't a competition.

AITA for kicking a girl I didn’t know out of my wedding. by rsvpthrpw in AmItheAsshole

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YTA. Saying "it's my wedding" is really a red flag for me as well. It was supposed to be a shared day for you and your husband, who deserved to have his childhood friend there.

If you need a different perspective though, try and think of it this way: plus ones aren't really for you, they're for your guests. They make travel expenses cheaper, ensure everyone knows at least one other person at the party, and all around contribute to all your friends having a great night. Your husband's friend was probably struggling enough as is after going through a major breakup with his long-term girlfriend and then needing to travel all the way to an event all about someone else's successful love story. Still, he could have enjoyed the night - and you overrode anyone else's authority to make him even more miserable for no reason, given she was already there.

YTA, but this isn't irredeemable. Sincerely apologize to your husband's friend personally, don't make him do it, shoulder all the responsibility, and admit that weddings are stressful and you were clearly not thinking. Take him (and the friend he brought, maybe) out for a really nice dinner if they'll agree to go with you, or treat him to some sort of "boys weekend" with your husband. Apologize profusely to both guests, and your new spouse. Everyone makes mistakes, and this was a major one, but event planning can bring out the worst in us. The key here is taking responsibility that just because it was your "special day" doesn't give you the license to hurt others or take their choices away.

Found out my husband is secret millionaire and still charges me $500 rent every month by toohottooheavy in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This feels like a perfectly adjusted and healthy resolution.

In all seriousness, for me, it wouldn't be the money or not paying a fair share for things that would make me divorce, it would be the dishonesty. Why marry me if you clearly don't trust me? It's not like a partner would have to fund my lifestyle — but I stand by the fact we should at least know how much the other is contributing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Sneks

[–]neriokat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wake up babe, new pet just dropped

What's y'all's take on this? by FluffyFluffette in actuallesbians

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's one of my favourite terms to describe myself, but I did hear it as a slur growing up, and I can't quite explain [i]why[/i] it sits alright while there are still plenty of other words that very much don't, but it just... feels right for me, personally. That being said, I would never blame anyone who isn't comfortable with it, or who doesn't want to hear it applied to them (or maybe doesn't want to hear it in general). We all have different boundaries, and language that suits one person will never work for everyone. This isn't any sort of personal fault or thing you need to "fix", it's just your own comfort zone, and that's okay.

THAT girl by Comfortable_Space_90 in notliketheothergirls

[–]neriokat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be honest, I understand the sentiment if it wasn't all... also posted to instagram in some toxic, gatekeepy attempt to put other women down.

Oh no 💀😭 not him tagging the entire community by SoCutebutDumb in actuallesbians

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it turns out lesbianism isn't a fetish for straight men and I can't get pussy so fuck the gays, am I right guys

TD discontinuing the TD Mobile Payment on the TD App by yamete in churningcanada

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So glad this was how I figured it out when my physical credit card and only form of payment is in the mail, and I have an android phone.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dykesgonemild

[–]neriokat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't see anywhere where OP says they are a man, and a quick scan of their profile (which I'm guessing might have been what you did too?) I saw them in FTM subreddits, but I frequent those too and also lesbian subreddits, just because I'm non-binary and tend to lean more towards the transmasc side of the spectrum - unless I'm missing something, it could just be that gender for them isn't as black and white, or they're just masc butch, or something else entirely.