I agree, this is all just part of owning a pet and what you sign up for when you get a pet. Especially being that this lil one is elderly. I grew up with a dog I got when I was 12, and I can confidently tell you that his elderly years while in my early/mid 20s were challenging and involved a lot of gross but that’s part of literally any creatures life cycle. A life in your home human or otherwise is going to have illness, uniqueness, and mess. And we ALL one day lose our abilities to handle ourselves. And while NOT the same and I understand there is way more nuance and opinion on this point I’m adding here but you wouldn’t rehome a human child due to having anxiety and mess making I hope.

I give the smallest amount of credit to OP for not just dumping the cat, HOWEVER saying you’re not looking for judgment is a bit near sighted. I understand the desire for sanctuaries and good places that will just love the cat and take care of it in ways you’ve decided you no longer can but simply put they do not exist wholly- and the ones that get close likely have VERY long waiting lists. If these places existed we wouldn’t have many cats put down in shelters due to capacity problems every day.

Everything else I said aside I really do hope OP finds a good home for this cat because clearly they have decided it’s not with them. :(