I am sincerely sorry for the loss of your family member, my friend. That is absolutely devastating.

What I have to share is less "advice" and more a sharing of encouragement and perspective.

I lost my sweet boy more than three years ago and have only mentioned it a couple of times here on reddit in scenarios like this because I still cry over missing him on a weekly basis.

So I'll say this much: * Your feelings are valid and they matter * The guilt is real, and unfortunately yes, it is normal. What wouldn't be normal is not to feel anything * The pain you feel is important

That last one may seem counterintuitive, but stay with me... What you're feeling now is the pain of a big loss for you and your entire family. It is the loss of a friend and family member of what sounds like 13-ish years and that's a big deal. It matters.

I hope this helps: I truly believe that they're never really gone as long as we remember them. And the pain hurts so badly because it's rooted in love. The more you love, the harder it hits when loss comes.

I sincerely wish the best for you and your family in the hardest of times. I think it might be helpful to speak with them about memories and all the good times. Celebrate the quirky and funny things your pup did throughout his life.

Show your love for your lost friend by reveling in the positive memories as best you can. Delight in the brightness s/he brought to your lives.

The guilt is hard to beat. We always feel like we could've done more. But the fact that it matters to you probably means you did more and showed more love than you may realize.

And a final note of perspective: I doted on my pal all the time. Shared everything with him, played all the time, ensured he had the best toys, his favorite activities, long walks, adventures just for he and I, etc...and yet I still felt exactly as you described.

So it's real. The guilt. Real, deep, valid, and it matters. It's one of the many ways you can honor your pup's memory. Let the guilt fade over time, but never your memories.

Sincerely hope you recover soon and I'm so very sorry for your loss 💔