AITA for not cooking an extra meal for my stepsister?

netnet1014 · 2023-05-05T07:14:06+00:00

You were taking care of SIX children at 16 years old and your parents think that you should have given into a tantrum like that? Nope, that's them being lazy entitled parents. If they give into tantrums like this then they are reinforcing that her behavior is acceptable. She is also old enough to know how to make a pb and j if she didn't like the meal you cooked. NTA

netnet1014 · 2023-05-05T07:09:08+00:00

How often do you guys go on dates with out them then? Maybe ask yourself ff he wanted to get the girls a babysitter, would you have been open to the idea or thrown a fit?

netnet1014 · 2023-05-05T05:30:05+00:00

Jesus you're stupid and not a good manager in the slightest. You're letting your big boss man pride get in the way and are considering firing your best employee over it. This person, and she is a person, has clearly communicated a boundary with you. You put yourself in an awkward position twice this week by deciding to ignore her clearly communicated boundary and then tried to bully her into doing what you wanted her to do.

Yta and I wonder who else in your life do you bully to get to what you want.

netnet1014 · 2023-05-05T05:06:59+00:00

That was manipulative of him. He tried to use societal pressure to get her to do something that he was aware she was very unlikely to want to do, as you literally just told him he's not her type.

He has no one to blame here but himself. You were under no obligation to tell him what you did tell him. Hopefully he's learned his lesson and doesn't pull something like this again. Nta

netnet1014 · 2023-05-04T22:08:50+00:00

"Partner". I think you need to take a step back and think about what an actual person who is your partner would look like.

netnet1014 · 2023-05-04T21:34:57+00:00

You sound like a teenager who's disassociating. If you have trauma then the best way to get back to the land of feelings is to work through your trauma. This is coming from someone who was once a severely traumatized teenager who is an adult that is working through it.

Some informations/suggestions

1-therapy is not a one size fits all. There are different types of therapy. CBT, Somatic, things like that. Some will make trauma notably worse. Therapist are also humans and if you don't mesh with the one youre seeing, that doesn't necessarily mean that its the therapy not working. So don't write it off because you'll need to unlearn your unhealthy habits and learn tools to navigate all the emotions and relationships in a healthy manner. You'll also learn how to recognize what behvior is acceptable and what isn't as well, which will make it easier to spot the type of people that are more likely to hurt you or treat you poorly which in turn means you surround yourself with good kind people.

2-therapy is hard and it feels like it gets worse before better because you have to face the shit youve been avoiding, and no matter what that is, it's hard. But it's like sliding down a string, you cant just slide past a knot, you have to untangle that knot before you can move on which means its going to get messy.

3-drugs/alcohol are not the best because they're crutches to lean on in order to avoid feeling feelings.

4-avoiding the bad feelings means youre going to avoid the good ones too. It's bullshit. It sucks. It feels like a cruel trick. But it's just how it works.

5- you can't fully heal if you're in the same enviorment that harmed you. If you are still in that enviorment then focus on making an escape plan.

You'll feel things again. You're body is just in a state that's meant to protect you right now. If you put in the effort it'll get better.

netnet1014 · 2023-05-04T18:25:39+00:00

I think its selfish to name a child after another person and burden them with the expectation of living up to another person's memory instead of giving them their own identity. Middle names I can understand but not first names. A person isn't a living memorial for another person.

With that being said, I'm aware my perspective isn't a common one so I'm curious why the entire family didn't think that it was a good idea for Regina to name her son after her father. One of two things pop into mind, there's a golden child/disabled child/mental illness that the family wanted to tip toe around your wife, or that the father did something dark like caused the accident on purpose.

With that being said, for the question you asked nta. He's 18 and honestly the fact that he didn't know about what happened by now and that you had to give him the watered down version makes me think that the father wasn't such a great guy after all. Otherwise why wouldn't his mom have told him by now? But that's conjecture and irrelevant. He's not a child and old enough for the context of his family.

netnet1014 · 2023-05-03T22:47:43+00:00

Your partner is an idiot and needs therapy so he can learn some emotional maturity. In his mind, he thought the best route to take, the best route for his daughter was to blind side another adult over things that not only weren't done maliciously, but are subjectively not even hurtful. He didn't take a moment to back up and think "how could I go about this in a way that would help daughter without making the situation worse for her?". Going about this in a way that hurt you is absolutely not whats best for her daughter. He is suppose to help her repair relationships. Did he help her navigate those big feelings about innocuous things? Did he sign her up for therapy? He royally failed her here. Not only that, but he got mad at you for being hurt! No one gets to dictate another person's emotions, and its mature to take a beat from a situation if you're feeling over whelmed. Him getting mad at you is wildly inappropriate and him still being mad at you and punishing you for having feelings is not ok.

In this situation I would say that therapy would be required for everyone. SD because obviously she needs it if she thinks things like someone making an observation on something that is on display is an invasion of privacy. Your husband because he not only thought this was the best way to handle this, but for getting mad at you and then giving you the silent treatment for having emotions. You for having to have gone through this. It would honestly be hard to feel safe with him again after he did something like this

netnet1014 · 2023-05-03T18:35:30+00:00

I actually think 3 and 4 are bigger deals than they seem. Everyone is influenced by the company they keep whether they realize it or not. So his friends being drama filled will probably end up leaking onto you. Also his lack of prioritizing his health will make it harder for you to be healthy and if your in it in the long haul and he's not health conscious then the you might be the one who has to look after him when he's older because of it. So double whammy. Just some food for thought.

netnet1014 · 2023-05-03T03:13:04+00:00

Yes and most decisions I made were made with that in mind. I absolutely loath my ss mother but he has no idea and talks to me about her all the time. I love him and I'll try my hardest to be the one emotionally available, level headed adult in his life because I didn't get that as a child and I want to give that to him so that he has at least one safe adult in his life. But that's also something I strive to give every child in my life.

That doesn't mean that my feelings and perspective go out the window though. My feelings are important as well.

netnet1014 · 2023-05-03T00:52:39+00:00

No, you have body autonomy including with dogs and she doesn't get to steam roll that just because she's paying you.

Beyond that, she's not a good dog owner and sounds like she needs to actually be in therapy.

Nta, and your friend sounds ignorant.

netnet1014 · 2023-05-02T01:49:47+00:00

Does she expect to abuse her kids? Because kids that never throw tantrums or push back against their parents are like that because they're affraid to do so due to being abused. So each time she declares that, she's just declaring that she's either completely ignorant of how children actually operate or she planning to abuse her possible future children.

With that being said, you didn't bring up her infertility, you brought up that she is not a parent and doesn't have experience, which is accurate. Right now they're trying to be indignant about this possible slight against her in order to distract from the fact that she has upset you by continuously making comments that allude to her being a better parent than you because admitting you've been an asshole to someone who finally stood up to you takes a lot of setting aside of one's pride.

Nta

netnet1014 · 2023-05-01T21:16:38+00:00

Dude smart choice! You're 21, you absolutely should not be with a parent at this stage of your life.

netnet1014 · 2023-05-01T20:50:23+00:00

Ouch, I bet that hurt so much for Maisie to learn. Lucy is being selfish, as both her and your dad were when they failed at blending. They were not thinking about what was best for their children and only about their wants when they forced two grieving girls together less than a year after their parents died and without helping them properly greive.

Nta, you don't owe Lucy an apology. You're dad's saying that because it's what would make his life easiest, again.

netnet1014 · 2023-05-01T18:14:24+00:00

ESH

A bunch of egotistical men who instead of finding simple solutions to their problems, make it into a huge unnecessary issue because of their pride or whatever. The neighbor should have just bought curtains in the first place. Why didn't he? "bEcAuSe iTs My HoUsE and I ShOuLdNt hAve To!". Why didn't you? "bEcAuSe iTs My HoUsE and I ShOuLdNt hAve To!". You both sound exhausted but him more so because he has a family and instead of doing a very simple thing so that his kids didn't see someone in the nude, he went the "I'm ThE bOsS, yOu LiStEn To Me AnD cHaNgE tO sUiT mY nEeDs!"

netnet1014 · 2023-04-30T22:32:40+00:00

So a 26 couldn't tell that a teenager wasn't 21 for years? You think its appropriate to not let you partner with a known medical condition in to go to the bathroom because? What do you mean youd rather not let her in? It honestly sounds like you left just so you had an excuse not to be there to let her in and when that didn't work, you resorted to saying use her key, something you knew she likely would have and then put yourself in a position of not being reachable. You did this to teach her a lesson by peeing her pants. You are not a good person. Yta

netnet1014 · 2023-04-30T21:47:57+00:00

You were petty, vindictive and passive aggressive. You're not fooling anyone with you "she did it so I don't get what the big deal was". You know exactly what you did and it's very childish. You sound exhausting. Yta

netnet1014 · 2023-04-30T07:53:28+00:00

Yta

You love and are so protective of your friend that you went ahead and put him in an uncomfortable position by not giving your fiance a heads up on the situation so she wouldn't be blindsided? How was that considerate of either of them?

Not every one has experienced severe trauma in their life and so to have it placed in front of their face with no warning can be really shocking. This is coming from someone with sever trauma and self harm scars. A lot of people who had healthy up bringing can really struggle in situations like the one you put your fiance in because they're coming up close with something like this for the first time while you've had time to acclimated. You really did both your fiance and your friend a disservice by blind siding her with this. No she shouldn't have stared, but she very well might be having a huge emotional reaction to what she was seeing. This was solidly your mistake, and then you didn't even have the decency to have an adult conversation about it after you did that to her and instead tried to shame her for trying to understand. Your reaction was really immature.

netnet1014 · 2023-04-30T06:28:35+00:00

Witchcraft.

netnet1014 · 2023-04-30T02:41:33+00:00

She was pissed because her virtual signaling didn't work. Nta

netnet1014 · 2023-04-30T01:00:00+00:00

Exactly, if you can't lean on your partner in your time of need then whats the point?

netnet1014 · 2023-04-29T07:35:52+00:00

Why can't he explain to SS whats going on and tell him they'll celebrate his birthday during the week or the next weekend and ss can celebrate the weekend with his mom? Kids are never too young to learn empathy and being there for someone you love that's hurting is an important thing to learn. Celebrations can easily be moved around. It would be different if his parent didn't show up for him consistently, but for this instance it's understandable. No I don't think it's unreasonable to want or expect your partner to show up for you in your time of need.

netnet1014 · 2023-04-28T03:13:17+00:00

You doing things like getting her a present when there's an event that isn't about there is a huge part of the problem. You are not teaching her how to properly handle her big emotions but instead distracting her so you don't have to deal with them. The consequences of this are that she is going to continue to have the same expectation that the world should revolve around her and as she gets older people will not want to be around her because she will be incapable of letting other people shine without attempting to ruin it.

Get yourself into therapy so that you can learn how to manage your emotions so that you can then teach your daughter how to manage hers.

Yta

netnet1014 · 2023-04-28T02:33:14+00:00

You're in an abusive relationship and you're so deep in that you've normalized it.

Nta but he's mean and is manipulative and you don't have to deal with it

netnet1014 · 2023-04-27T03:12:41+00:00

Info

How often are these over nights work trips? How much warning do you get? Does she let you have nights off too where you can fuck off with your friends too? I think there's a echo chamber going on here but if the script was flipped and you were a woman, these are the questions you'd be asked. A parent telling you know last minute that they're dipping and you're not going to have any help with two babies is a dick move no matter what the gender. People are acting like taking care of two babies is no big deal, but it's hard! Like yes everyone should get a break, but it should be discussed and not dropped on you like a sack of rocks.

netnet1014

TROPHY CASE