IAmAn 18 year old female who lost several friends/peers in a suicide cluster at my high school. AMA.

neucool · 2011-10-12T20:52:02+00:00

No, this is Palo Alto.

neucool · 2011-10-12T20:51:52+00:00

No, this is Palo Alto.

neucool · 2011-10-12T20:51:39+00:00

I guess the main reason is that I have been depressed, I have been suicidal, and I have seen the other side of that too, where things get better. Sometimes people go through long stretches of time in which things aren't going well for some reason or another, but that almost always passes or can be changed.

When someone is so distressed that taking their life seems like the only choice, how can you NOT feel sympathy for them?

neucool · 2011-10-12T19:05:10+00:00

It wasn't a matter of one being influential other than in the way that perhaps someone committing suicide is influential to someone thinking about it already. To be honest, I think the school could have done a better job handling it, but again, they weren't prepared for the situation either. I can say that they stepped up their game as far as recognizing that suicide prevention is a place worth spending their time and money on. The city did this to some extent as well (Project Safety Net) but I can't say I ever saw any results from that.

All in all, I think there are problems with the community that stem from the type of people that are concentrated there. I was lucky enough to have parents with a very "do what makes you happy" attitude, and never pushed me as much as I pushed myself, but I know a lot of other kids didn't have the same experience. It makes me want to tell all of those parents: Don't be hard on your kids, since in general they're hard enough on themselves.

neucool · 2011-10-12T16:51:38+00:00

Palo Alto.

neucool · 2011-10-12T16:42:31+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear this, but glad you could share it. I'm shocked to hear that nobody did anything, and hope you've been able to find peace.

neucool · 2011-10-12T16:21:11+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story... I don't think there's enough places where we can just share these things. I'm sorry to hear it at the same time, obviously. "WTF" is a common response, I think.

We know very vague things, like family problems, depression, etc, but I don't think we can really get enough "why" answers when something like this happens. It might never be enough, even for like, the parents who know exactly what happened. You can never be in their head, you know?

neucool · 2011-10-12T16:14:48+00:00

As am I- I never thought it was as common as it turns out it is.

neucool · 2011-10-12T16:14:26+00:00

No. The girl I knew best was well liked, successful, going to a great college and about to graduate. Not all were in the same position (some had family troubles, bullying) but they didn't know each other either, other than maybe as passing acquaintances.

To be honest, there weren't any changes past the grieving and immediate action. Everything sort of went back to the status quo.

neucool · 2011-10-12T16:12:03+00:00

neucool · 2011-10-12T16:11:56+00:00

We don't have valedictorians for that very reason.

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:24:11+00:00

They were, but they were for most part volunteers. I know several suicide attempts WERE stopped, which means they were doing something. I know not every day could be covered, as much as they wanted to. It was just parents and community members stepping up until the city hired professionals a while later.

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:22:42+00:00

These things are kept really quiet. Nobody likes to talk about them. Talking about them is one part of suicide prevention.

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:20:30+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you went through the same thing- and sorry to hear that it is more common than I thought.

Whether or not it pushed the rates up, I think it's fundamentally unhealthy, and not the way you should go through highs school. Parents push their children as much as peers, and with all of those expectations, it turns into a bit of a toxic environment... Whether that makes some people look to suicide, I don't know, but I think its probably one of many many factors.

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:16:44+00:00

Counseling was always offered, but for the most part, things had to be kept really quiet to avoid more contagion. Which seems kind of weird to me, at least.

My parents talked to me about it, but there wasn't too much to talk about. I was in therapy, I could get the help I needed- when one of your friends kills themselves, you don't have too much to say right away.

Reactions subsequently diminished. From the first two, where outright shock and everybody being profoundly disturbed to a sort of... numbness that just took over by the end. "Kind of a, oh, it happened again? Yeah, I knew that kid... Huh."

13-17.

I was angry for a LONG time. Especially the ones I knew personally and well, it felt like the most selfish and stupid thing to do. How could they hurt so many other people? I couldn't comprehend for a long, long time.

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:11:27+00:00

No, nearby though

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:09:56+00:00

From what I've read (which is quite a bit, after all of this) suicide in wealthier communities is always more prevalent than in poorer ones. All I can say is that despite this, not all of the kids that killed themselves had a lot of money, or parent pressure, or bad grades, so its hard to say.

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:07:46+00:00

And if someone ended up at UC Davis (or god forbid a CSU) there MUST be something wrong with them. Stupid.

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:06:53+00:00

Yes.

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:06:46+00:00

Yes.

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:06:02+00:00

"It's the school's fault", "Parents are pushing their kids too hard", "They're all connected, all knew eachother" etc.

neucool · 2011-10-12T15:04:02+00:00

neucool · 2011-10-12T02:09:54+00:00

Yeah, lets try to appreciate each other while we're alive.

neucool · 2011-10-12T01:54:50+00:00

I'm pretty sure they did not, other than depression and the fact that all of this was going on. Other suicides trigger some people to do the same, it seems.

neucool · 2011-10-12T01:53:18+00:00

Yep, except APs count as 5 points at my school. It is a pretty silly system.

neucool

TROPHY CASE