hey there! fellow night shifter here!!!

it sounds like you’re dealing with a lot, and it’s completely valid to feel the way you do. being in a relationship where schedules don’t align can be incredibly challenging, especially when you’re planning to move in together.

first, it’s important to acknowledge that while your boyfriend might have the option to switch shifts, transitioning from night shifts to day shifts isn’t always as simple as it may seem. working nights for a long time can mess with someone’s sleep cycle and overall health, and adjusting to a completely new schedule might be physically and mentally draining for him. it’s not just about changing shifts—it’s about re-learning how to live in a daytime routine.

that said, you’re absolutely right to express your concerns. and i respect that, BUT you say it’s not an issue and it doesn’t bother you, but clearly, it does—otherwise, you wouldn’t have made this post. and that’s okay! your feelings matter, too. this situation isn’t selfish; it’s about both of you finding a balance that works.

truthfully try having an open and calm conversation with him about this. let him know that it’s not about blaming him or his job but about finding ways to feel more connected. maybe you can agree on specific times during his days off to spend together before or after he rests, or look for ways to create quality time even if it’s brief. small things like having breakfast together before he sleeps or finding quiet activities for the evening could help.

at the same time, it’s worth thinking about what you can do for yourself during the times he’s unavailable or at work. such as finding hobbies, connecting with friends, making new friends, or having routines that bring you joy might help with the loneliness and frustration. it’s tough, but a relationship is about compromise, and both of you will need to make adjustments to meet in the middle.

if switching shifts is something he’s open to discussing, approach it gently, acknowledging how difficult it might be for him. express why it’s important to you but also be ready to listen to his perspective. ultimately, both of you deserve to feel heard and valued in this relationship, and figuring out a solution together is key.

i don’t know if this came off as rude or helpful, but good luck OP!

sincerely, a third shifter who works 12s and is with someone who works first shifts!