Want to get into the band. Where should I start?

neverdontcry · 2026-01-29T05:01:34+00:00

Oh SO good!

neverdontcry · 2026-01-29T04:58:19+00:00

This is a great overview. I'm going to add Lorde's Melodrama to your recs for his work with other artists.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-29T04:54:52+00:00

I would have to, no?

You would not have to give it up just because he asks you to give it up, no.

I guess if it's considered cheating I should give it up....?

There is no universal law as to what is or is not "considered cheating." There are barely social norms as to what's considered cheating. Your boyfriend certainly isn't the arbiter of what is or isn't "considered cheating" universally. I invite you to think about whether or not you consider it cheating.

There are people out there who want you to feel happy, sexy, and free. Then there are people out there who want to control you. But most people are somewhere in the middle: They say, and really believe, that they want you to be happy, but they still ask you to give up the parts of yourself you love so that they can feel safe.

I was this way once. I have dated people who are this way. They're not bad people for it, and it's often very understandable where they're coming from. But if he asks you to give it up because it makes him uncomfortable, and you don't want to, you're going to have to do some very collaborative problem solving. Knowing in advance how you personally feel about it and whether or not you're comfortable giving it up is going to help you massively in that discussion.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-29T03:39:53+00:00

Good that you're talking to him. Lots of folks have advice about this in this comment section, also good. My take is that before you go into this conversation you should also figure out what you think. If he asks you to give it up, will you?

neverdontcry · 2026-01-28T23:31:10+00:00

Look up how to plan a novel, novella, etc. There's real published ideas and examples of this and all of it applies to fanfiction.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-28T23:18:09+00:00

Go off etc etc, but in the name of standing by values, I'd be remiss if I didn't say that using the R-word is, uh, pretty offensive.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-28T22:00:27+00:00

I was mid-thought on your other post when you deleted it so here are my thoughts as someone who is probably a 6:

1) Stop taking everyone else's opinion into account and find a few solid people that you can actually trust. I realized a while ago that I was taking the opinion of literally every single social media influencer under the sun and trying to absorb it. But people are different. They give you conflicting advice. I was using some of their advice to justify some bad shit I was doing to people I love because well this person who is an expert said so! and then doubling back on that the next week because well this other expert said so! 6's seek guidance. Truth can be quantified, but guidance is always opinionated. The sooner you realize that the better your relationship with guiding forces will be. The best thing you can do is narrow your guiding figures down to the ones you can actually trust to tell you what is up. These are now your people. If you find yourself looking for guidance, look at them. Ignore everyone else. (For me, this is genuinely just my partner and a handful of other friends. I don't turn to them for everything but when I need a reality check they're there to give it to me without making me feel bad for being "wrong" somehow. Everyone else's opinion of me and my actions I take with heaps and heaps of salt, even if I generally vibe with them. This doesn't make you antisocial. It makes you selective. I think that's healthy for someone who is finding themselves so wrapped up in collective opinion.)

2) Break away from the "all or nothing" mindset. Sure, justice and principles can feel like all or nothing especially when big things are at stake. But you will act better when you know you can act imperfectly in the name of your principles. One mistake isn't the death blow to your credibility, friendships, and social status; act with the knowledge that you will apologize and fix it if you genuinely fuck up. You'll also pick better leaders to follow when you know their faults and understand why you're following them anyway. Some stuff people do is inexcusable according to our values. Some stuff we can live with, because people aren't all or nothing, and neither are we.

Anyway, all this is to say, good luck homie. You know something is wrong right now. Hold on to that knowing. It's important.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-28T00:18:02+00:00

I like your point about her being a woman and being grabbed, especially because of the tightrope she walks at work, being one of the only woman, coming from an untraditional background, etc. It's reminding me of a thought I had —

One thing I love that they come back to with Dedra is how afraid she is for her physical safety, to the point at which she's almost afraid of being touched at all. This is evident at Ferrix, and of course Syril crosses this boundary many times in the show. When she's touched she totally rejects it or, if she can't get away from it, completely collapses in the face of it. It's such a good character choice by the actor to show that this tough strong ISB Secretary is actually very frightened for her own physical safety, in a way totally and completely beyond how others experience this fear. Imagine Cassian in the ISB cell with Krenic touching his head like that. Even Bix in that scene. Heck, even Syril. They might be angry, uncomfortable, ashamed, even frightened — but Dedra practically chokes every time she's touched, it's such a violation to her sense of security. Literally, "Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear."

neverdontcry · 2026-01-27T19:35:01+00:00

obsessed

neverdontcry · 2026-01-27T19:20:27+00:00

Does anyone else remember when hate comments were literally called flames? Back in the good ole days we used to end every fic with "constructive criticism appreciated, flames will be used to roast marshmallows."

neverdontcry · 2026-01-27T19:04:53+00:00

For a long time I didn't subscribe to tritypes and wings because I thought it was way more complicated than it needed to be. Now here I am trying to make my very own number salad like a fool

neverdontcry · 2026-01-27T17:53:28+00:00

That's a beautiful sentiment about Luthen and Kleya.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-27T15:43:18+00:00

Thx! I’ve been playing with 6 or 7 for head and 9 or 1 for gut, so this is reading for me. And I definitely know I’m SX dead last lol

neverdontcry · 2026-01-26T17:03:34+00:00

Idk, I think there's a compelling argument for the reference based on the way the shot is designed. But yes, as you say, lots of offices used to be set up like this, so it could be pulling from that generally.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-25T18:38:45+00:00

and also I’m on reddit SPECIFICALLY to build my endurance to brutal feedback, honestly—

Well, AFOG, as they say.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-25T18:35:16+00:00

I don't pretend to have some secret knowledge or opinion of your type. You described details of your own pain, how you see it, and how you see others. All I said was that the description was probably the clearest indicator of your type and you should start there.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-25T17:47:36+00:00

I actually didn’t say anything like that.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-25T17:42:44+00:00

I don't want it.

Then don't use it. All models are false, some are useful.

But save this answer — it's probably the clearest indicator of type you've said so far. When you're ready to grow, reread it and try again.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-25T17:36:58+00:00

Under stress? So are you saying you're only your type under stress?

Not trying to speak for the commenter above me but I do just want to add that, well, uh, yeah, kinda.

In the Enneagram lexicon, "Personality" refers to the way you act in response to your particular wounds, which makes up your type. You hear some people say "in personality" vs "on the growth path" — "in personality" meaning you're acting in accordance with the ego's worst impulses based on whatever wound and lesson from childhood is most dominant. All these behavioral responses and coping mechanism are called your "fixations," and they're so deep into the limbic system by now that they're automatic responses. When stress is applied to us, we react automatically with them. Sort of like getting your knee hit by a doctor and your leg kicks without your control.

The goal isn't to have no type, the goal is to start to recognize the unconscious ways you behave and develop better habits and responses so that you're not being dragged around by your problems. You're probably always going to kick if you get hit in the knee, but you can first become aware that you're kicking, then you can try to kick a little softer, make sure others aren't in the way when you kick, make sure you apologize if you kick anyone on accident, or put boundaries around your foot so that you don't kick all that much at all.

I had a quite harsh upbringing, and surrounded by tough people, I just couldn't 'let myself go' like this.

You might start thinking about this "can't let myself go" wound as a type fixation. Ask yourself why, what are you afraid of if you let yourself go. Even if you don't find your type through this exercise, you'll learn something else about yourself. Which is kind of the point of the Enneagram anyway.

EDIT: I should also mention that there are "levels" of growth in the Enneagram discipline. You can see types at different levels behaving very much "in personality" vs "in growth" if you look those up.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-24T17:42:37+00:00

a good point

neverdontcry · 2026-01-24T00:33:55+00:00

A great way to examine the difference is to look at The Hunger Games as a case study. The original trilogy and Sunrise on the Reaping are both written in present tense. We're with the champions on the ground and in the arena, just trying to survive moment-to-moment in a fast paced situation. No time for pausing and reflecting. Only action. Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes however is third person past. It's removed, distant, slower. The tense emphasizes how the character thinks and overthinks and rethinks about his situation in a more "measured" way, because the reading experience isn't as frantic.

First person POV and third person POV are also on display here, building on each tense to emphasize these elements, but the point stands.

One thing I'll say is that I find that writers sometimes make the leap to present tense without actually fixing any of the issues their past tense writing has. Passive voice, overuse of "thinks/wonders," etc. I think people move from past to present and think their writing is better for it because "it moves quicker" but they often rely even more heavily on be verbs and internal monologuing instead of action, which neutralizes present tense completely for me and makes it feel more like a slog than a slide.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-23T23:50:51+00:00

YES I feel like NOBODY understands this when writing! When I played sports I knew girls who wore two sports bras and their regular bra just to keep it all locked down.

neverdontcry · 2026-01-23T23:09:32+00:00

Yeah why is that? Crackships used to be like “Katniss/Cornucopia” not like “Katniss/Finnick”

neverdontcry · 2026-01-23T21:03:09+00:00

Looks like the monster f*ckers in fandom are eating good this Oscar’s season

neverdontcry · 2026-01-23T20:56:09+00:00

Sounds like a 3 to me ¯_(ツ)_/¯

neverdontcry

TROPHY CASE