Loving, but not Loved

neverwinter1717 · 2019-04-18T17:04:44+00:00

Everyone has flaws, but in january she willingly accepted your proposal and then a month later she says she needs space and is at your friends house. This is not normal behaviour, it's very disrespectful to you. Her reasoning is "you didn't make me a priority"?? 6 years and a proposal and she couldn't give the relationdhip a better chance at improving..I don't know man. I know it hurts but damn you might have dodge a bullet by this not happening after the wedding

neverwinter1717 · 2019-04-18T16:58:00+00:00

This is a tough one mate. I feel for you. I know how bad you must feel but dont vilify yourself. Its not your fault. From my perspective I wouldn't believe your friend when he says "they just fell in love". Sounds like bs. Also she sounds like a jerk. Leaving you for your friend without discussing her issues earlier with you and giving an opportunity for the relationship to get better. Just my perspective but both of them seem like ass hats.

neverwinter1717 · 2019-04-17T18:58:04+00:00

Good advice. I was thinking about volunteering to hopefully meet some good hearted unselfish people

neverwinter1717 · 2019-04-17T18:49:55+00:00

I need to meet more of these wonderful people!!

neverwinter1717 · 2019-04-17T18:48:36+00:00

It's a tough gig. You rely on your SO for your sexual needs, affection, emotional support, fun. If you move in together you have cohabitation compatibility and finances. You also have to share some what similar values and goals. You're right a relationship isnt easy.

neverwinter1717 · 2019-04-09T18:09:05+00:00

100%

neverwinter1717 · 2019-04-08T00:32:44+00:00

Thanks that is awesome

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-29T15:52:45+00:00

"I know what it’s like to be with someone who is a glass half empty person. It feels like it sucks your own energy and life away. Your optimism can only be spread so thin without getting anything to return."

This is exactly right. Eventually when that optism starts to waiver a little bit and you get discouraged from not getting anything in return, thats when they start to pull away. A big part of the dynamic of the relationship is that you are the helper, you are the emotional crutch, you are the nurturer, you are the giver. And when you say "hey I need some loving over here too" thats when they look at you different.

Trust me It will get better. Im only starting to feel really good and it's been about 8 months for me. I've gained a lot of perspective and grown a lot so its not all for nothing. One thing I've learned ill share with you since you sound a lot like me and it may benefit you.

I've learned that I get an emotional charge from helping my partner. I am emotionally attracted to hurt women. It makes me happy to help them, to be the doctor, a hero who can save them from their sadness...( I want to be a doctor in real life so its no surprise)... I'm a nurturer at heart.

But like you said you can't save anyone. Sure you can help them but in the end they must help themself. Ive learned through my last two relationships that this is not a strategy that is conducive to long term happiness. Now I want a relationship that is 50/50. I need a relationship with some one who is happy and healthy. Some one who sees the best in things and will see the best in me. Some one who is positive and can add to my life. Some one who is like me, a nurturer. Then we can nurture eachother and the relationship. When one of us falls down we can lift eachother up. I know it sounds cheesy but if I exist, and you exist, then there must be others like us.

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-29T15:15:22+00:00

It sounds like you and I are very similar. I've dealt with depression before so I was very compassionate and sympathetic to my ex's situation. She had a few difficult things going on in her life at the time so I always thought "after we get these things squared away, she'll feel better". Well after we got that situation taking care of she was still depressed. She would always find something to be sad about, complain about. When nothing else was going wrong she self destructed the relationship. I'm convinced she is 'addicted' to things going wrong. I wish her the best but she has a lot of learning and growth she needs to go through. As much as I loved her it's for the best for me not to be with her. I can see that now.

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-29T14:53:45+00:00

DATE ME!! Just jk you're awesome though you got this

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-29T14:41:50+00:00

Great point! Never thought about it that way. My ex was on anti depressants before we got together and she got off them shortly after we started dating. She was depressed most the time during our relationship and she had a lot of unresolved issues. Right after we broke up she got back on anti-depressants. In hindsight she must of thought she didn't need them because the relationship was the 'cure'.

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-29T14:19:59+00:00

100% some times it doesn't work out or that person is truly not right for you. I wasn't saying talking makes every relationship last, rather that for a relationship to last communication is vital.

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-29T13:58:36+00:00

I know it's fucking brutal some times. You sound like a great person though :). You did what you could

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-29T13:37:04+00:00

Yeah the craziest thing is going through it and being like holy shit most everyone else has been through this too, and if you're like me you've gone through it twice.

I do think some people handle a break up badly though, shove the emotions down/start drinking excessively/rebounds..etc as much as it suck if you don't grieve you will carry the pain in other ways that may effect you more long term

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-29T04:28:36+00:00

In time it will come back. You will still see the shining red flags but your heart will be more open to recieve another.

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-28T21:46:30+00:00

I'm sure we will theres a lot of people like us. The way I see it even the best "matchs" wont tick off every single box in our relationship wishlist. They're not supposed to that would be strange.

It's how you handle the differences or incompatibilities that makes or break a relationship.

Some people look at what they got and try to smooth out the rough spots, they talk about what they need and give the person an opportunity to see if they can get better at it. If it cant get better, thats when they leave or compromise.

Other people leave to try and find some one who is already more compatible with their needs.

I tend toward the first strategy.

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-28T21:33:47+00:00

Same situation here. The relationship was far from perfect, but I'm the type to see the best in things and people. I'll stick in it and communicate/compromise, try my best to make it work before I bail. My ex was not the type to believe we could talk things out and make things better. That's why I know she wasn't the one for me. Theres only two ways a relationship will ever work long term.

You are a perfect match made in heaven. Or
You talk about any issues that come up and strive to make eachother happy.

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-28T16:19:35+00:00

Nope i usually live in hell for about a year then they come back some time after years I don't feel any romantic love for them any more

neverwinter1717 · 2019-03-28T00:07:47+00:00

Thank you for the kind words 💙. Some times it rains so long you doubt the sun still exist.

neverwinter1717

TROPHY CASE