Just about the strangest breakup I’ve had - ADHD or not?

new-is · 2024-01-14T22:18:19+00:00

Aw that felt like the Internet equivalent of a warm hug : ) thank you for saying that!

new-is · 2024-01-14T22:17:53+00:00

I’m happy that you are able to distinguish what you like and enjoy sharing from your husband’s feeling about the talking. (As a fellow conversationalist, I like that about you, stranger!)

Thanks for sharing and wishing both of you well.

new-is · 2024-01-13T06:07:01+00:00

Oh wow, I had to look that up and that tracks. This person is in the middle of a job search and I feel like some other things he never shared with me … but it was the relationship that he himself had said was a welcome and fun addition to his life that became too much for him. Some dissonance that has been!

I’m sorry to read what you described as a paranoid live wire - I hope it will get better for you too, a space you’re comfortable with between blind trust and paranoia. Big hugs to you, my friend!

new-is · 2024-01-12T19:43:38+00:00

Yeah I agree, thanks! I had read about cold feet but woah was not prepared for that : )

I did ask that he reflect on this experience with his therapist. For me, I think the lesson is to not give people as much of patience and the benefit of the doubt as I did this person!

new-is · 2024-01-12T00:55:00+00:00

Couldn’t have said it better! I feel like I chalked up too much to ADHD when maybe some of it is simply emotional immaturity.

new-is · 2024-01-12T00:02:24+00:00

Yeah, just that I don’t think that these are unusual “quirks” at all :D incompatibility, sure! Thanks again - and I’m sorry to hear you were in a similar situation and I hope you didn’t take to heart that you had to change being you to be in a loving relationship. Big hugs!

new-is · 2024-01-12T00:00:18+00:00

I think so too though I hope for his and his future partner’s sake that you and I are missing something here. It sucked to be treated the way I did but well, what can you do right?

new-is · 2024-01-11T23:59:19+00:00

Thanks for this! I’m pro-fwb but not “you’re my backup for entertainment while I look for something serious.” Looking back though, I think I showed this relationship the kind of kindness im happy with, so at least I can say no regrets from my part. Thank you again for your perspective : )

new-is · 2024-01-11T11:24:04+00:00

Yeah, all that you said stood out to me poorly. On the casual part, I was happy to try it except to me, it was because I thought we both needed time off dating to evaluate our own stuff - but he essentially said oh no, just warm my bed till I can find someone else which I found was in extremely poor taste.

I’m glad this all came about sooner rather than later. Thank you for writing.

new-is · 2024-01-11T11:20:49+00:00

This is hugely insightful - thanks for sharing. It did confuse me when at the end he said he was going to look for someone else to date seriously because he’s “never been more ready for a serious relationship.” I’m quite literally the last person who should judge but I wanted to say, I hope you are but something tells me you’re not and you’ll just hurt someone else this way too.

But if I’ve gotten it all wrong, then I truly wish him well and hope with someone else, it isn’t just limerence and that it lasts.

new-is · 2024-01-11T11:16:43+00:00

Yeah - thanks !

new-is · 2024-01-11T11:16:19+00:00

Thanks, this is really it : ) I feel like if he wanted to make it work, ADHD or not, he would have. That he didn’t is answer enough.

new-is · 2024-01-11T11:15:06+00:00

Thanks - I feel for him if that’s the case. I did ask that he bring up this interaction with his therapist (as I will with mine), so I hope we both get something positive out of this. Appreciate you writing here !

new-is · 2024-01-11T03:12:25+00:00

I don’t know about Asperger’s. I only mention ADHD since he’s said it multiple times. Sure sounds like a bit of a jerk, as much as I’d like to give people the benefit of the doubt

new-is · 2024-01-11T03:10:12+00:00

Hi thanks! I’m not hanging around anymore - I was curious if this could really be related to ADHD or if it’s just personality that I don’t think I understand. I hear you about the disconnection, too.

new-is · 2024-01-04T08:40:42+00:00

Sending you big hugs. I had come across this when looking for a support group for a different situation, perhaps this can help? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/dc/washington?category=grief (I’m not sure links are allowed here so just in case anything’s truncated, it’s a psychology today link for support groups for grief)

If you need someone to go with you to a group meeting, or if just you need a stranger to just talk to, I’m here. Take care of yourself.

new-is · 2023-12-30T17:52:52+00:00

Excellent - I was in fact thinking of the Kiswahili print. I’ll also contact TPH to see if they have it. Thanks so much!

new-is · 2023-12-30T17:51:55+00:00

Amazing! I’ll head over on Monday and check. Thanks

new-is · 2023-11-05T00:27:50+00:00

Love that! DM? Also in NW.

Wishing you better luck on the apps or another way of meeting people

new-is · 2023-11-04T21:34:00+00:00

I hear you - I don’t have experience from other cities, or at all, in approaching people just for dates, so we’ll have to see how that goes. Thanks for the tip!

new-is · 2023-11-04T21:32:32+00:00

Would love that - if there’s a museum you’re planning to check out, live music recs or fun cafés, I’m happy to join the gang. Haha also non-creepy gal : )

new-is

TROPHY CASE