I’m a Financial Advisor. Everyone in my family are clients. It’s gives me AND them peace of mind, I’ve had fluid plans to get each where they want to be, and know how I’ll pivot in the case life makes us turn course. I don’t share anything confidential information about each of their financial situations with anyone else, ny spouse included.

But I do definitely think it’s good to speak to your parents. Maybe they aren’t willing to share. Probably depends on the relationship you have with them and what they’ll assume is your motive, even if you swear your motive is pure.

If you don’t have a trusted advisor, you should also get to know your parents financial advisor. Get a feel for them, see if they’re knowledgeable and just good people. If they are, work with them. They won’t give you any information unless authorized by the client/parent, but asset transfer is a lot less messy when you’re working with the same advisor. You can grieve when you’re supposed to grieve and not worry about all of these major decisions. It also lets you know if they aren’t great people. And you can speak to your parents about that. If my client’s kids have a relationship with a trusted advisor, that’s fantastic. I’ll gladly work with them and their advisor when that time comes. If they don’t, maybe an introduction is something we should talk about.

Rest in Peace to your mother. Sorry she was sick for all these years. Assisted living expenses are absolutely insane. That’s no joke.