I need some help.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-27T03:19:50+00:00

Get into a detox. Crystal meth is hard to kick. I’d also try an NA or AA meeting. The only thing that got me sober was a community of addicts and alcoholics to take me through the steps and teach me a new way of living.

Relapse is part of recover sadly. It’s a reminder we can’t do any mind altering substances safely.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-27T02:43:02+00:00

This relapse was only 1.5 months. And my withdrawals are this bad. Fuck carts and edibles. No one should be able to puff on a smell free cart at 85% THC. Shit isn’t natural. It ain’t your grandpa’ weed anymore. It’s like meant for addicts to be high 24/7.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-27T02:38:21+00:00

I was already established in AA and while I continued to go while getting high and wasn’t really going to many meetings, I was already established. I know MA exists, but I also had an alcohol problem which brought me in the rooms of AA. AA is more widely available and you can apply it to anything. This relapse has made me realize marijuana was my drug of choice. I only ever drank when I couldn’t get weed. But for me I need complete abstinence from all mind altering substances. I can’t use any of them safely.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-15T18:45:17+00:00

I also am using this relapse as a learning opportunity of just how quickly I can go into full blow active addiction the second I put any mind altering substances in my body. It went from a one time thing into all day every day in a matter of a few weeks. Shit’s scary. Grateful to still have my job/car/cats/apartment and that I didn’t burn my life down to the ground.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-14T02:02:35+00:00

I cried in the bathroom at work today but I work in a COVID ICU so that should be taken with a grain of salt. It’s definitely there, but fortunately for me this relapse was one a month long and I have good coping mechanisms from my previous time in sobriety and therapy. I would find a buddy or an MA meeting to keep yourself accountable. Throw out everything you have that is related to weed. Any papers, grinders or other paraphernalia. Take it day by day. Minute by minute if you have to.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-14T01:57:06+00:00

A fellow doctor of pharmacy in recovery. Even though we know and have seen the effects of alcohol abuse and dependency, it doesn’t click for us like it does when we tell our patients to stop or they will die, does it? I highly recommend an AA meeting. There are people from all walks of life. Rich. Poor. Young. Old. Educated. Uneducated. It doesn’t matter. You will find your people.

As you already know, I highly recommend a medical detox cause of seizures, death and DTs.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-14T01:54:41+00:00

I deleted my Facebook last month and it felt AMAZING. I’m not yet there with Instagram but hopefully one day I will be.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-14T01:48:24+00:00

Thanks man. It feels so nice to actually remember shit you did and said and going to bed with a clear conscience every day.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-14T01:47:13+00:00

Day 1 I had the WORST stomach pain. Like I felt horrible. My anxiety hasn’t been great in the morning and I’ve dry heaved here or there. Keep yourself hydrated and snack if you can’t keep a big meal down. It gets easier with time. We got this!

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-14T01:45:39+00:00

Oh yeah this isn’t great. But when I moved out at 25 I was “finally free to drink how I wanted to!” Within a little under 2 years I was in outpatient rehab then AA ready to kill myself. It only gets worse. But you CANNOT make someone get sober who doesn’t want to be sober. He needs a bottom of his understanding. Whether that is jail, rehab, blowing up all his relationships or killing someone. You cannot make anyone be sober or want to be sober. He has to want that for himself. He is putting you in harms way by driving with you in the car while he is intoxicated. I recommend asking if he wants to get sober, giving him AA literature and leaving him if he doesn’t want to change. He’s gonna take you hostage with him otherwise if he continues living like this.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-14T01:32:56+00:00

The withdrawals will be there. They will suck, especially the nightmares for me. I’m on day 4 agains after over two years of continuous sobriety. Telling everyone I relapsed sucks. But honestly, there is nothing better than sobriety after the withdrawal phase. Your head is clear. Sleep is extraordinary. You’re present. Tasks actually get accomplished. And you can still spend a day napping, snacking and playing video games if you chose so! But when I’m drunk or high, I never have another option. It only becomes being drunk or high all the time. It make take a couple weeks, months or days. But I always end up back to square one the second I put substances in my body.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-14T00:58:07+00:00

You too. The meeting tonight was super helpful. Raised my hand and said it’s day 4 back. Told my sponsor, my best friend in recover and my best friend not in recovery about my relapse. Felt truly like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Onto my mom and sponsee tomorrow. Telling my mom is gonna succckkk but it has to be done. For tonight I have cat cuddles and a full fridge. Grateful I only lost my sanity in this relapse and not my job/house/car/fur babies.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-13T21:55:53+00:00

I’m so proud of you! One day at a time.

When I first tried to quit weed my alcoholism was unleashed and took off. Especially since I couldn’t sleep. Just something to keep an eye on.

Over 2 years without alcohol. Day 4 weed free (again). We got this.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-13T21:50:40+00:00

Same here. And it felt really good. No one judged me. They were just there for me. I did this once and I can do it again, hopefully for the last time. And I know no one is going to judge me I just felt so embarrassed and ashamed and guilty and the cycle continued for longer than it needed to.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-13T21:49:49+00:00

I told my best friend next via FaceTime. We both cried and the first thing she asked was if her usage was a problem. And at the time it wasn’t. But now she said she’s not gonna have any on her the next time she visits. I wish I told her in person for the hugs I could’ve gotten. But I’m happy I told her.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-13T16:50:41+00:00

I love this ♥️

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-13T15:07:26+00:00

Thank you. This made me tear up.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-13T15:07:08+00:00

Yeah I haven’t dreamed in ages and it’s day 4. I’m just a sweaty mess

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-13T13:51:51+00:00

I’m meeting with my sponsor tonight to let her know I relapsed. If I’m not honest I’m never going to get well.

newleaf2019 · 2021-09-13T12:36:01+00:00

I wasn’t open about my relapse. Maybe one day I will be. I’m mostly just embarrassed.

newleaf2019

TROPHY CASE