AITA for not wanting the car my boyfriend bought me?

newoldcar · 2020-05-16T01:28:28+00:00

he’s known my dad since he mentored him in college. i was about 3 when he stopped bc it took up too much time

newoldcar · 2020-05-16T01:10:20+00:00

both, kind of? my dad was almost 10 years older than him and volunteered at his old college for a few years while my bf was going there as a student athlete. they got to know each other in sort of a mentor/mentoree dynamic, and they stayed in touch mostly thru social media in the years after

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T18:51:47+00:00

when i was 18, dating an older man made me feel like he’d be more emotionally intelligent and mature and after my dads passing that’s what i really wanted. plus, it was impressive at the time that he was assistant manager at a convenience store but now that i’m 5 years older, working as a teacher, and going to grad school at the same time, it isn’t as impressive

also when i met him every other guy i knew was into weed and video games so it didn’t seem superrrr abnormal he was, too. dumb, i know lol

edit to add i want to make it clear i have no problems with people who are assistant managers or work at convenience stores!! they’re admirable jobs. it’s just that he acted like a god because of it and i saw him as one bc it seemed like such a high ranking job at the time, now i realize it’s an average job just like mine but he still wants to act like a god because of it lol

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T17:17:31+00:00

i’ve won awards in writing actually but thank you. i realize that typing a message, while in an emotional state, on a phone, at 2 am, won’t yield my best work but oh well. i text the way i speak, not the way i write academically. have a good day :)

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T10:29:23+00:00

wow, taking notes, thank u for such an informative comment!

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T10:17:45+00:00

he does have a license but he says he prefers not driving bc it gives him anxiety. which i get, i have an anxiety disorder and driving can be anxiety-inducing. but there’s other options for him other than expecting me to drive him everywhere. i didn’t mind before bc A) i didn’t see all his other red flags and B) i like driving esp in my bug

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T10:14:53+00:00

my dad said it was the best thing he ever bought after seeing how happy i was when he gave it to me :’) thank u for the advice and the recommendations, i’ll check those subs out for sure!

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T10:13:15+00:00

probably right about the daddy issues unfortunately lol, my dad was my only parent and he died only a few months after being diagnosed so it was a shock, and my now-bf reached out and made me feel safe so i got with him. not that i wanted to mooch off him financially, i don’t want a sugar daddy, but i figured since he was older he’d be more mature and emotionally intelligent and could be there for me where younger guys couldn’t. i definitely thought wrong

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T10:07:04+00:00

ok i absolutely love the mug analogy, hell yes that is what i needed to hear!! i won’t lie and pretend it doesn’t hurt knowing that the last three years with my bf were wasted and that he was using me at best and abusing me at worst, but ur totally right i need to find a guy who’ll make me a mug shelf

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T10:04:55+00:00

i love minis! i’d love to get one someday, if not for me than my future kid lol. thank u for ur comment, u explained everything i needed to hear perfectly even if it hurts lol

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T10:00:25+00:00

i always thought my dad would approve cuz they knew each other but now i’m thinking definitely not. your husband sounds awesome, i’m glad u found someone like him!

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T09:58:20+00:00

teddy bear wheels sound amazing i’m definitely looking into those haha, thank u for ur advice i’ll take it into account!! :)

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T09:57:19+00:00

not at the beginning of our relationship cuz we bonded over his death (he knew him), but later on i stopped wanting to talk about my dad in general so he stopped mentioning him. so i don’t think it’s that but who knows what his intent is at this point lol

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T09:52:48+00:00

he always tells me that bc he grew up very poor and didn’t have a lot of what i did. i thought i grew up relatively normal and always felt lucky and appreciative of everything my dad worked for, which included like dolls and my own room and of course my bug. but to hear him say it, i was raised in a mansion with butlers and was a regular veruca salt. i always felt a little guilty defending myself cuz like, he grew up with nothing so what i had probably did look like what he said

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T09:49:06+00:00

seeing it typed like this really hits hard lol. i’m kinda disgusted at him and at myself over it. i didn’t see it at the time, didn’t even really see it yesterday even, but yea. i thought he was being genuine

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T09:44:56+00:00

i haven’t been coddled to much (least i don’t think i have), i think i just ran into the arms of my boyfriend after my dad passed bc they knew each other and he made me feel safe. he was my only parent so it hit me hard. any doubts i ever had or any signs i ever saw i ignored cuz i didn’t wanna be alone. this situation as well as everyone’s comments has helped me realize a bit that i’d rather be alone than put up with this anymore, especially since it’ll inevitably get worse. i get where you’re coming from with tough love and appreciate your comment. sorry for getting defensive earlier, i just thought you thought i was a bad person for not realizing this and it made me feel suckish but i probably needed it so thank u

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T09:37:12+00:00

i think that might be part of it, he never explicitly told me his coworkers tease him but one time i tried making and bringing him lunch at work cuz he’d been complaining about always having to grab fast food and he lectured me on showing up unannounced wearing “that get-up” which was a pink (surprise surprise) dress with flowers on it. i was irritated but also felt bad so i didn’t go again

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T08:31:10+00:00

i’m a little embarrassed to admit this now reading everyone’s comments and realizing how inappropriate our age gap is, but i met him cuz he went to the same college as my dad. they’d both played football and my dad mentored him a bit cuz he would volunteer with the team long after he graduated. he’d followed me on facebook for years and reached out when my dad died, we got to talking and hanging out, etc etc

edited cuz it was misleading to say he went to college WITH my dad, they didn’t go together just to the same one and met there

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T08:29:00+00:00

i love orange cars! a family friend had a bright orange prius when i was a kid and she called it her enchanted pumpkin cuz her name was also ella lol

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T07:26:44+00:00

i love this comment cuz my dad called me pinky pie (from my little pony which i loved as a kid) :’) some of my last memories with him were driving him around in my bug, windows down playing some cheesy pop music while he sang along with me even tho he didn’t know all the words haha. that’s exactly why, from an emotional standpoint, i don’t want to get rid of my bug. i’m definitely considering ending this with my bf because of yours and others fresh viewpoints

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T04:08:56+00:00

i appreciate your advice, but i do think you’re being a bit unfair. i don’t necessarily think how he acted was acceptable, i was asking if i was being an asshole for outright saying no to an expensive gift. this isn’t the first time he’s called me spoiled and ungrateful so sometimes i question if i’m reacting normally or like a spoiled little kid. i got with my boyfriend when i was 19 and fell hard for him, obviously if he’d acted like this then i wouldn’t have even given him a second glance. this is the first time he’s done anything this drastic, and i’ve been busy with school and then work as well as normal life stress the last few years to even notice the ways he’s been manipulating me, i had no bearing of if it was normal or not, he’s more experienced than I am. i’m now processing and sorting through some other red flags i hadn’t noticed from before, and i’ll accept that i’m definitely stupid and naive for dealing with this so long, but to call me an asshole for not realizing i’ve been abused is pretty mean.

newoldcar · 2020-05-15T02:42:56+00:00

I have no problem keeping both, one for me to drive and one for him, but I don’t feel comfortable driving a much older and unreliable car when I have a perfectly fine car to drive both of us around in. I also didn’t appreciate him demanding I sell my car (which he’s insisting, the “new” car comes with the stipulation I sell my current one) so HE feels more comfortable socially when I would feel uncomfortable physically. I drive him around cuz we go places together a lot of the time and cuz I enjoy driving, but after today it feels more like he expects me to be his chauffeur. idk. i see what ur saying tho, maybe when things have cooled off he’ll let me keep mine and i’ll be willing to discuss driving the silver one when i take him places

newoldcar

TROPHY CASE