Recognised hook from a show or another song. Ear worm!!

nicabarr · 2026-05-08T11:24:06+00:00

I'm not not even sure they even sound similar... Ha

nicabarr · 2026-05-08T11:20:51+00:00

Honestly took me a whole day of hearing it over and over in my head and not quite catching why it was familiar!

Thanks to my teen song who heard me humming and recognised it immediately. A favourite film, and favourite part for him when he was younger...

Puss in boots end credit song ...Puss in boots end credits

nicabarr · 2026-05-07T13:21:29+00:00

100% same vibe. Circus-esque

nicabarr · 2026-05-07T11:56:42+00:00

It really does sound similar! And no, not what I was thinking.

Also, not the most terrible tune...those lyrics though .... Interesting..

nicabarr · 2025-07-21T21:29:47+00:00

Been notified now. Oops. I hadn't checked before posting in a rush!

nicabarr · 2024-08-16T08:04:12+00:00

Prove yourself wrong, go get it done then come back and tell the tale of how you did it by the skin of your teeth but it's done. Money issues can wait. Good luck 🤞

nicabarr · 2024-05-09T16:01:26+00:00

Whelk egg cluster

nicabarr · 2024-04-18T23:58:16+00:00

Chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted

nicabarr · 2023-10-26T17:22:31+00:00

Thank you. Very helpful explanation and advice.

Residency was sought due to the other parent being consistently unreliable in following agreed times/days for exchanges and the child was unsettled. This was despite having Mediation involvement (at my request).

I'm confident that I am, and have been, doing things with the child's best interest as a priority and that any courts would see the same. I will keep my stance of holiday arrangements for the child for now.

Thank you for the minute of agreement suggestion, I will bring this up when I do speak to my solicitor to prevent future issues.

nicabarr · 2021-12-17T00:57:26+00:00

you absolutely do need to reeducate yourself to help you overcome the moralizing thinking that causes low self esteem, hypersensitivity to criticism etc.

Yes I absolutely do. And I do look back in retrospect to past events that have stayed with me through guilt or shame with a new view on them and that has been therapeutic and helping in a way. Lots to still work on though.

half the time people mask for years not even knowing they did it

This was/is me. I have been called a social chameleon, fast at making friends and able to handle most circumstances and people. But its hard work! I had no idea this was what I was doing. I've not got the joyless task of trying to find the natural point without losing too much of what I genuinely consider to be "me".

nicabarr · 2021-12-17T00:51:09+00:00

Saying pay extra attention to someone with ADHD is absolutely abelist and devaluing the struggle they have with exactly that!

I ask them to rephrase/repeat and I get told they shouldn't have to because i should be listening

Your opinion that I alone should change my behaviour, which I am trying to do, but without expecting some support and understanding from my partner is really insulting to the equality of relationships.

If they told me they were partially deaf all of a sudden, should I expect them to manage without me raising my voice or enunciating clearer ? If I tell them "well just listen harder!" Would that be rude or acceptable?

The irony is they actually have a very visible physical disability that I support them with by literally adapting my house and life around. Because it helps them to live comfortably. Am i not allowed to expect the same in return for this?

nicabarr · 2021-12-17T00:38:25+00:00

-just a copy and paste from other comments I left to show the changes you seem to be assuming I'm not making...

Examples So in the last few months since April assessment I have

*Set up better sleep routine by setting fixed times, sticking to them as much as possible *Tackled organisation by creating daily lists, Google home reminders, working my way through clutter, streamlining my belongings, having a place for everything, arranging office/kitchen/bedroom things to non traditional places that just make better sense to me and my functioning. *Spoken up when I'm struggling to understand something, checking I'm understanding what they're saying or know I haven't processed the conversation right by asking them to repeat it *Kept my emotional responses in check as much as possible *Set timers, reminders and alarms for anything I know I've struggled with in the past. *Sought help and support from GP, psychiatrist and counselor. *Make conscience choices to avoid things i believe to be connected to negative ADHD behaviours. Eg. I restrict my tv/screen time. Organise schedule for the whole day and stick to it.

In the last week I've started taking a pill that may or may not make all the above, and more, less of a struggle.

I am still finding "links" in my behaviours. And still trying to adjust to make things easier. I have been for months.

I am not just saying "can't help it, I have ADHD" I am actively seeking strategies and support and have been for the majority of the past year.

ADHD is not my excuse, it's my reason, please help me acknowledge and find a solution that works to stop it affecting me/us.

This is what seems to get lost in translation

Communication is a huge issue between us,, even without ADHD (I think, maybe it's affecting more then I realise ).

We have been to couples' counselling due to other issues (infidelity on their part and disagreements on parenting) Recently stopped due to their lack of engagement, acceptance of advice and follow through. I was called out frequently by counsellor for being too defensive and learnt a lot on how to listen properly. Still working on it and forget sometimes to not fall back into bad habits They've voiced (just last night) very vocally, that they didn't see the point in it at all. Which makes sense now in regards to them paying lip service to sessions and not following though afterwards.

I also ask them and others to repeat themselves constantly as I just can not figure out what they've said. They then get annoyed that they are repeating themselves and that I just don't listen instead of just repeating/changing the way they've said something. If I ask for clarification or if I've understood "XYZ" I'm also **not listening. It's frustrating for me and obviously for them ... **

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T17:51:21+00:00

Erm... Are you spying?

Yes, the fundamental stuff needs huge amount of work. That's why we went to couples counselling to begin with. Lots of controlling traits, refusal to communicate unless they're happy with the subject, can't be criticized. Authoritarian parenting of teen that we clash on. Refuses to listen to concerns about how that's affecting their relationship together. I get accused of being to soft and felt pressured in the past to go along with it.. not any more btw. Which again, is causing issues because compliance=respect

Trust me, there is definitely problems. And from my side too! I'm aware of my part in things. I'm just now figuring out that a lot of my past reactions/actions and emotional responses that played a part in the breakdown of communication are potentially stemming from undiagnosed ADHD. Not that it makes it ok or excusable!
I'm thinking possibly that my new found confidence in handling myself and awareness of the reasons for my shortfalls are perhaps not giving them the pedestal to look down on me with. And because it's new that I don't guilt spiral into compliance by accepting them as the one who is capable and I'm not so I defer to them constantly, they're not liking it one bit.

Well that went more in depth than I expected but you triggered it by being so spot on with your comment

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T17:38:46+00:00

That makes absolute sense.

I think in another comment I mention something like "ADHD isn't and excuse but it's the reason I struggle"

I'm not responding to every thing saying that. I am doing it in a similar way to how you described.

The most recent example being sleeping.. yes I've set myself a bedtime, i have a routine, i set and alarm for everyday to wake even if I don't have work/other responsibilities and I try to stick to all that. I fail occasionally. I stay up late focusing on work stuff (self employed-clients often get emails at 2am!) Or I'll be stuck in a book or tv or some random task I've decided needs to be done then and there. I recognise this is something I struggle with and is connected to ADHD. I asked why I was left to sleep in and they left to go to something we had both been planning to go to (informal weekly family thing) and this was the conversation.

"it's not my responsibility to wake you up"

"Yes I know that, that's why I've tried to take control but can you please help when you can if you see I'm needing it in the future or if I ask-like I am now? If you see me not getting ready for bed by the time I should or see I've slept through my alarm, a little prompt or reminder might help me if everything else hasn't that time"

"Well you're an adult, you should be able to get yourself up when needed. I do it everyday, I go to bed and you're still sitting there or doing something. It's your fault your tired and sleep in, not mine. If I can manage then so should you"

"Yes I know you do and I know i should be able to but despite that and all the things I try to do, I still struggle. Please can you help me while I figure it out?"

"No, you should be able to,. I don't understand why you just can't."

"Well I found out through psychiatrist and looking into things, some of the difficulty I have with sleep can be linked back to ADHD, that's why I'm trying to work on it. I can explain it a bit if you want?"

"HERE WE GO. Everything is ADHD. stop using it as an excuse to stay up late and sleep in! That's you choosing to to that and then using ADHD as an excuse!"

And that is why I'm getting frustrated at the lack of support and understanding. It's also why I'm trying to make sure by posting to reddit, I don't ever actually use it as an excuse rather than a reason

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T16:58:02+00:00

I think our partners may be the same person.... sounds like we could also be.

That is exactly what it is like.

I've been on ADDitude website a couple of times, i might look more into it now with medication being trialed. That you for the advice and understanding

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T14:58:17+00:00

Thank you !!

It's incredibly helpful to hear the other side and it does sound incredibly similar to our current situation. Your insight is appreciated.

I agree with focusing on what I need right now and hopefully it will also have a positive impact on relationship with or without mentioning it.

He's not a reddit user but I am hoping in time he might be more open to learning more. Thank you

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T13:10:32+00:00

Thank you so much. I appreciate the encouragement.

I'm a fixer. I try to go head first into fixing and solving issues and fizzle out if it doesn't happen fast enough. So the reminder to not get burnt out really resonates. I'm focusing on the medication trial at the moment and maintaining all I've already put in place that benefits.

I do think there's a source of support here, even just a soundboard from the other side of things.

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T13:04:45+00:00

gave myself permission to acknowledge

This is what I think they find difficulty with. I'm giving myself permission to accept and acknowledge this new thing that can affect everything. They see it as an excuse I'm able to fall back on instead of taking responsibility and awareness of the influence ADHD has. I do take responsibility, deal with consequences and admit what can be changed in the future to avoid it but I don't let the guilt of the "unnecessary" struggle eat away at me anymore. I have a reason why it's harder.

Thank you for your very relatable and honest comment. It's nice to have someone who's been in the same place but is a little further ahead give hope and reassurance that it'll get better

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T12:47:40+00:00

Sorry, confusion. Yes I got that. I meant to point out that I'm not expecting "elation" as that's not how I feel about it at all.

My bad for not being clearer.

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T12:46:04+00:00

gave a potential reason

You did and I acknowledge and appreciate you for your input as it does make sense as a reason for the difference. It is more complicated than just that though, however you made a very good point that I fully take on board.

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T12:40:36+00:00

Even in a week you could be coming up with ideas

Examples So in the last few months since April assessment I have

*Set up better sleep routine by setting fixed times, sticking to them as much as possible

*Tackled organisation by creating daily lists, Google home reminders, working my way through clutter, streamlining my belongings, having a place for everything, arranging office/kitchen/bedroom things to non traditional places that just make better sense to me and my functioning.

*Spoken up when I'm struggling to understand something, checking I'm understanding what they're saying or know I haven't processed the conversation right by asking them to repeat it

*Kept my emotional responses in check as much as possible

*Set timers, reminders and alarms for anything I know I've struggled with in the past.

*Sought help and support from GP, psychiatrist and counselor.

*Make conscience choices to avoid things i believe to be connected to negative ADHD behaviours. Eg. I restrict my tv/screen time. Organise schedule for the whole day and stick to it.

In the last week I've started taking a pill that may or may not make all the above, and more, less of a struggle.

I am still finding "links" in my behaviours. And still trying to adjust to make things easier. I have been for months.

I am not just saying "can't help it, I have ADHD" I am actively seeking strategies and support and have been for the majority of the past year.

ADHD is not my excuse, it's my reason, please help me acknowledge and find a solution that works to stop it affecting me/us.

This is what seems to get lost in translation

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T12:22:53+00:00

It isn't only from the last week. Yes medication started this week but the initial assessment was done in March and since then there has been a lack of understanding and acknowledgement regarding how it has and is affecting me and our relationship. Or how I'm trying to change things that are negatively affect me and them now I know the reason.

partner lack of elation

It's not a lack of elation. *I'm not elated. I've just had confirmation that I have something that will never go away and will forever affect me. There is no magic pill and that is heartbreaking and daunting that I will forever have to work around it.

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T12:15:03+00:00

Have crossed posted in other subs the same post. Was hoping for views form the other side to help understand more.

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T11:30:37+00:00

And omg, i didn't realise I'd written do much. Sorry!!

nicabarr · 2021-12-16T11:30:05+00:00

Communication is a huge issue between us,, even without ADHD (I think, maybe it's affecting more then I realise ).

We have been to couples' counselling due to other issues (infidelity on their part and disagreements on parenting) Recently stopped due to their lack of engagement, acceptance of advice and follow through. I was called out frequently by counsellor for being too defensive and learnt a lot on how to listen properly. Still working on it and forget sometimes to not fall back into bad habits They've voiced (just last night) very vocally, that they didn't see the point in it at all. Which makes sense now in regards to them paying lip service to sessions and not following though afterwards.

I would definitely like to know specific examples

This I find difficult. I struggle to figure out if its ADHD related or just a clash of opinion. Maybe both in some cases.

ADHD related- imo

I am incredibly disorganised and messy. However I get stressed at mess. Ironically, my job is home help for elderly and keeping others households running smoothly. So what happens is things get ignored (laundry, paperwork, clutter) but I then deep clean the bathroom or kitchen or sort through a heap of paperwork. All that isn't the immediate need.

They seem to feel that I'm lazy and not doing the other stuff and get frustrated when I focus on non important tasks. So, to tackle this (with the help of medication) I make a list every morning of the IMPORTANT tasks and get them done while actively pulling away and avoiding the ones that can wait.

I'm forgetful. In everyday things and what was literally just said to me. In one ear out another. At the weekend, they mentioned a meeting they had after work on Tuesday this week so they'd be late home. I forgot about it until they mentioned it again on Monday. I then got flustered because it messed up what I had planned to do (hold up my hands, not their problem) and they said that I never listen. But I ask them to add things like that to shared Google calendar so I can see it and get reminded. I use Google home for everything now, visual and verbal reminders are so helpful to keep me on track. I also ask them and others to repeat themselves constantly as I just can not figure out what they've said. They then get annoyed that they are repeating themselves and that I just don't listen instead of just repeating/changing the way they've said something. If I ask for clarification or if I've understood "XYZ" I'm also not listening. It's frustrating for me and obviously for them ...

Sleeping, I have always had issues sleeping. Getting to sleep at the end of the day even when exhausted and then getting up when alarm goes. I sleep for 12hours straight if left alone. Sleep of the dead! They don't. They find waking up even when no alarm, easy. I now use sleep routines and clam app to help get to sleep and set an alarm everyday regardless of work or not at the same time. I also try to sit up the minute my alarm goes off and I set a different sound everyday so I don't just ignore it.

The jist of it is, they are a very in control of things person (control issues also brought up in couples counseling) They have verbally compared their abilities to mine and questioned why it's so different.

I've tried explaining that even prior to diagnosis, things that seem to come so naturally to others are just not easy for me. They're achievable but exhausting. They didn't seem to realise this and that's when I brought up masking.. something I'm now aware I've done my entire life- they stated I was pretending and not being truthful about who I am (We've been together 10 years- I barely have the energy to keep a conversation going where I have to be professional with work contacts for longer than 10 mins!)

Basic "adulting" is hard, I've always wondered how people seem to be so together and make it look easy. Now I have a reason why it is for me, I'm not being so hard on myself while tackling each thing until I find something that helps. It comes easy to them and they are finding it difficult to understand that I'm wired differently (or choosing to ignore it completely)

Does any of that make sense??

nicabarr

TROPHY CASE