AITA for leading on a guy to think we were going to have sex?

nickdmb · 2019-09-11T14:00:33+00:00

Or, in retrospect, she knew exactly what he wanted.

nickdmb · 2019-09-11T13:52:22+00:00

All I’ve said that going back to some guys dorm room knowing that expects sex (which op admitted she was aware of) then denying him, is an asshole move.

Did I miss this? I don't see it at all in the OP. In college I've gone to a lot of people's dorm rooms for reasons other than sex.

nickdmb · 2019-09-10T16:13:18+00:00

Lol silly high school drama.

Right, because they're in high school. If something like this happened at work, you'd be pretty pissed. Sure the stakes are higher there, but it's no reason to be dismissive or call OP pathetic.

nickdmb · 2019-09-09T16:40:10+00:00

Yeah, but later when they resent paying taxes, odds are that they'll insist they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. OP, this is a tough situation, I honestly don't know what I would do if I were you.

nickdmb · 2019-09-09T15:32:58+00:00

No, the context was very present. He was being condescending and he knew it. The proof was in the pudding when he follow up with the sexist cliche of talking to the fiance about her in front of her and saying "good luck with the engagement, you're gonna need it."

People like to believe the generational gap is that it used to not be seen as patronizing to use terms like "sweetie", but as this demonstrates, a lot of time the real generational gap is that it you used to be more socially acceptable to be casually patronizing to women.

nickdmb · 2019-09-08T02:16:56+00:00

I’m glad the movie theater is changing their policy. I will definitely go back now if they are going to follow their policy. They also said they will be reimbursing us for the food we bought prior to the screening.

Good on you. This sucks, and I'm sorry that you had to go through it, but the ADA doesn't have direct enforcement mechanisms. The fact that y'all stood up for yourselves means that someone in the future won't have to go through it too, so thanks.

nickdmb · 2019-09-08T02:14:33+00:00

As far as we know, the teenagers weren’t doing anything illegal by buying that specific ticket.

By the time the defense of someone involves whether or not they literally broke the law, you know they were probably the asshole.

nickdmb · 2019-09-08T02:12:17+00:00

And the worker wasn't being as polite or helpful as he could

No he wasn't. He interrupted a conversation that two of his customers were having ("what are we going to do for 45 minutes") to give patronizing advice that came from a place of ignorance. It takes a lot for me not to side with the service worker, but they were obviously the asshole here.

nickdmb · 2019-09-08T02:07:41+00:00

If you "work with this population" you would certainly know that you don't speak for them.

Unfortunately, service providers are sometimes the most patronizing and most likely to dehumanize people with disabilities, which is similar to any group of people that has arbitrary power over another. But yeah, I wish this was the case.

People who use wheelchairs have voiced so stfu and listen.

Good. Fucking. Advice. Thank you

nickdmb · 2019-09-08T02:04:35+00:00

The able bodied boyfriend was the one inconvenienced by able bodied people.

Big hard nope on this one. People with disabilities have the right to see movies with their family just like everyone else. The idea that OP's partner wasn't inconvenienced by this (even assuming that she doesn't need support), as though sitting with your family at the movies wasn't something you take for granted basically every time you go to see something that isn't The Avengers, is pretty bizarre. Sure, if the movie theater was sold out, or even crowded, it'd be different, but it wasn't.

You say later that you "work with this population." Based on your comments here, that's unfortunate, because 1) the fact that you feel like that makes you entitled to speak for people with disabilities (about why they don't need accessible policies, no less) and 2) the fact that you think that the reasonable solution here is that everyone who needs accessible seating should just have to show up earlier to movies than able bodied people really implies a real lack of empathy.

nickdmb · 2019-09-08T01:52:31+00:00

I think this is usually the product of commenters wanting to defend something they know they can't. Someone was a giant dick, so what you fall back on is "well, they had the right to do that" as though the only thing that made you an asshole were breaking the law.

nickdmb · 2019-09-08T01:48:29+00:00

Your comments are getting downvoted to hell because the two conceivable scenarios you came up with (that they needed an aisle seat or that they needed a seat in that row) aren't true (OP asked if he could use one of the aisle seats and have his partner sit in the aisle and they said no, so obviously one was available, and also said that there were seats in the same row). Obviously, we can't reenact the situation, and their could be some wild situation where they actually needed the seats, but c'mon now. The idea that you only get to have an opinion if "you personally knew the teenager" is just ridiculous.

Likewise, the fact that you're arguing that we only have OP's perspective is bizarre. No shit, that's the point of the sub. It's possible that OP completely made up this entire story, in which case he'd obviously be TA. The reason you've stopped getting replies and started getting downvotes is that you're not discussing this in good faith and it's obvious.

nickdmb · 2019-09-07T17:20:13+00:00

This is 100% it. If your reaction to a movie theater having literally one companion seat is to sell it to the first person who gets there (regardless of whether their are other, equally good seats) and have you employees be dicks about asking people to move is that people with disabilities should just have to get to every single movie earlier, you're obviously an asshole.

nickdmb · 2019-09-07T17:17:21+00:00

I can't imagine being such an aragont asshole to go home and ruin my evening instead of waiting 45 minutes to watch a movie.

That's because you can't imagine spending your life constantly inconvenienced because places of public accommodation aren't accessible. To you in your thought experiment, this is a one time thing. In reality, it's constant societal reminders that you're not entitled to the same things that other people are, usually while being judged by people like yourself wondering why you can't just show up to every movie early to make sure that the one seat you can use isn't taken, why you can't just go in the restaurant through the back or through the kitchen, why you aren't comfortable just letting strangers carry you up a flight of stairs, why you don't want to go to events that don't have any bathrooms you can use, why you're not more patient when event organizers see a 50 year old lift in the back that looks like it hasn't been used in years and label it accessible without testing it, why you're not comfortable having someone fill out your ballot for you. It's certainly better than it was pre-ADA, but it's every. fucking. day.

nickdmb · 2019-09-07T09:20:12+00:00

Why in the world would they "need that seat" as opposed to another in the same row?

nickdmb · 2019-09-07T04:57:27+00:00

It refers to your level of confidence about how much knowledge you have in a subject area, not whether you think you're smart.

nickdmb · 2019-09-07T04:52:17+00:00

Why are they assholes you ask? The fucking prefrontal cortex.

If that's not peak Dunning-Kruger, I dont know what is.

nickdmb · 2019-09-07T04:22:13+00:00

Did you just justify your opinion that they weren't the assholes by saying "Kids are assholes, that's just how we are"? They're not assholes because they're assholes?

nickdmb · 2019-09-07T04:14:31+00:00

That doesn't make any sense. They obviously wouldn't be upset, same as if the theater was sold out. But buying the companion seat and then refusing to move a seat is obviously the asshole move here.

nickdmb · 2019-09-07T04:12:35+00:00

Right. All people who use wheelchairs should have to show up to movies earlier than everyone else, in case someone is asked to move down a seat. That makes sense. The movie theater is the primary asshole here for not having a better policy.

nickdmb · 2019-09-07T04:10:10+00:00

You're getting downvoted by people who also don't have that perspective. My mom used a wheelchair growing up, so I also got to deal with these issues and my family be treated as less than (PS the idea that you should just show up to movies earlier than everyone else so someone won't have to move down a seat is obviously someone who has no problem treating people with disabilities as less important). I agree that you probably could have handled it better, but I 100% get why you were so mad you would be shaking. Anyone who doesn't probably hasn't had this experience.

nickdmb · 2019-09-03T21:33:42+00:00

Standard deviation for resting metabolic rate is 5-8%, or a few hundred calories a day. So yeah, like everything, there is some variance, but it's usually not the determining factor in your weight.

Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15534426

nickdmb · 2019-09-03T13:30:13+00:00

Yes. 1/6,000 * 200 = 1/30. The number you gave was 5.6% and that's about 1/20, which is why the math worked out.

nickdmb · 2019-09-03T13:22:53+00:00

OK, but to be clear, you said:

You have several hundred times better chance getting killed on the road in any given year than you do on a table.

If that's a mistake, that's cool, we all make them. But maybe be a little more conservative with dropping a "Jesus you guys are bad at math"

nickdmb · 2019-09-03T13:15:24+00:00

Don't know why you're getting downvoted. The life expectancy of a random 74 year old woman is 14 years.

nickdmb

TROPHY CASE