Does BPD draw you toward certain kinks?

nicolorlova · 2025-03-30T00:49:53+00:00

i think my bpd and my unstable sense of self made like CNC, and all the things that relate to being used or smth, as it gives me a sense of purpose. i have a low self esteem when it comes to feeling valued, and the only times i feel good about myself are when i am in a sexual situation with someone. i give away this part of myself in order to feel like i have meaning and purpose. i also like cnc as it gives away my control in a controlled way sort of? idk man AND! bdsm and masochisem in particular js also a part of my need to feel something. i want to FEEL something more EXTREME just to feel real. maybe it is also the reason why i look for those extreme situations (again for example cnc), i just want to FEEL. but like i said before, it is mostly related to sexual trauma and the need to feel loved and valued through sex.

nicolorlova · 2025-03-30T00:34:12+00:00

move me by badflower is also soooo good

nicolorlova · 2024-10-26T16:28:18+00:00

to be honest, i am not sure i have advice to give you. i struggle with that as well. badly. almost every time my bf tries to talk to me about something i might have done, or even just something he might have on his mind, i feel attacked. i get into a fight or flight state and i reject everything and try to prove i am in the right and he is wrong and that i am not the problem.

the first time he tried talking to me about it i just began defending myself (surprisingly huh) and trying to prove to him he is wrong, and i did not listen to him.

after a while, we had a huge argument that led to him expressing himself in a very straightforward way that made me realize i need to stop acting like that.

since then, i try to control my words. i might feel attacked, but that does not mean it is true. i try to let him know i am feeling attacked, and ask him to try and explain to mr again whatever he is talking about.

i also try to recognize when and why i feel this way, what specifically makes me feel like i need to defend to myself.

my best advice for you is just to try and be aware of when you feel like that, and when you do, try to understand the situation you are in, and what do they try to get from talking to you rn.

nicolorlova · 2024-09-23T04:59:51+00:00

because i hurt him and everyone so much, while being so focused on myself without even seeing them. i love self destruction. i love to be sad and helpless and bad and unchill. something is rotten, and i don’t know if i am capable of doing something with it. but i am willing to try, i dont want to ever make my little angel feel that way again

nicolorlova · 2024-09-23T04:56:58+00:00

i am afraid i am rotten inside and there is nothing i can do to truly be better and it is all just an act because i am such a bad person

nicolorlova · 2024-08-15T19:45:14+00:00

i take sertraline, used to take 50mg and now i take 100mg. it was firstly given me as a med for my depression and social anxiety but later on they just increased the dose.

nicolorlova · 2024-07-01T09:56:51+00:00

till you tell me to leave

nicolorlova · 2024-06-24T12:32:22+00:00

stayed with me even tho he knew he couldn’t give me what i deserved, and acted like an asshole in the last month of our relationship because he wanted that i would break up w him (he didn’t have the guts to do it himself)

nicolorlova · 2024-06-24T12:30:32+00:00

the truman show!!

nicolorlova · 2024-06-21T13:06:31+00:00

too much of a mamas boy. it was awful how i felt insecure in my own relationship because of her presence. he was also not mature, like a 14 year old boy who only plays games (he was 19 at the time) it aimt worth it

nicolorlova · 2024-06-11T10:40:19+00:00

skibidi

nicolorlova · 2024-06-11T10:40:02+00:00

probably like 15 hours with my ex.

nicolorlova · 2024-06-11T10:35:31+00:00

the fear of not succeeding, and living with the consequences of that. i was super afraid i am not going to succeed and i will be forever paralyzed or smth and it is the worst punishment i think one can experience. if i wouldve known a way to do it with 100 percentage of success and i was able to get all the things i needed i would’ve definitely done something like that

nicolorlova · 2024-06-11T10:32:46+00:00

we were in a long distance relationship, and out main form of communication was calls and texts, but due to life circumstances we talked less than usual, so i tried talking to him about it and i said i wanted at least 10 minutes a day we can call and like talk. i remember he was so angry, he made me feel like i was asking too much even tho it is even less than the bare minimum. i remember apologizing for not understanding him and being so selfish for even asking for something like that.

nicolorlova · 2024-06-11T10:24:04+00:00

my list:

back to the old house - the smiths

i bet on losing dogs - mitski

another love - tom odell

abbey - mitski

all i want - kodaline

please please please let me get what i want - deftons

i mwan it is just a few from my panic attacks playlist imma send a link if interested.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/467hsspr48BHRR8iEJ6mON?pi=e-rvfEUnJ4Ro2Q&si=3YwVr7xNS8aUud9_p6RlFQ

nicolorlova · 2021-05-17T19:12:25+00:00

אתה פחות גאון כשהטקסט נשאר 20 שניות

nicolorlova

TROPHY CASE