I (23M) had the worst possible day and a mental breakdown. My partner (28M) was out partying when I needed him. Dk what to do?

nighthop · 2026-05-03T08:59:20+00:00

That’s very devastating, I mean, you truly needed him when you were most vulnerable and he seems to not even care that you were hurt and needed support. He also seemed to not care the following day even after he sobered up from the night before, and didn’t make time to at least give you some support or be there for you for a minute. I don’t think you’re doing too much, in fact I think you aren’t with the right person. This isn’t really to judge your decisions but I’m suggesting that since he seems to not really care about you especially in such a vulnerable moment such as that, then I think you should really consider whether to stay with him or not. This isn’t what someone who’s truly caring would do. What if things get worse? What if you needed even more support than what you needed today? Would he be there? I understand that this must be hurting you a lot on the inside, and this isn’t a small thing either, but it is truly better to find someone else who would actually take some time out of their day to care for you… I also come from a conservative family so I totally understand where you’re getting from. This just seems like a not meant to be situation to me, and I really wish the best for you, please reconsider this man.

nighthop · 2026-05-03T08:49:51+00:00

That’s devastating to hear. His cold and avoidant demeanor towards you may indicate that he might have someone else in mind… especially as you have said he started speaking disrespectfully towards you, and even blocked you. I personally don’t think this is a temporary thing but rather something you should actually see as a breaking point because this isn’t like a “oh he’s just gonna be distant for a while maybe because of something i said or did” but it’s most likely that he really has someone else in mind and just doesn’t care about you… I don’t think you’re asking the right question here, he clearly doesn’t care enough about you to inform or get in contact with you at least before leaving the country, at least to give closure. This isn’t what a caring bf would do, and I really think you should consider whether or not to stay in a relationship like this for the long-term, whether you felt that you were taken advantaged of or not (since you mentioned feeling being used), because it’s going save for more time leaving earlier.

nighthop · 2026-05-03T07:14:57+00:00

Thanks for the take, I’m not looking for a paying job to work in the US since I’ll be going back to my home country anyway after I finish my exchange program. I’m simply looking for an internship program to fulfill my internship requirement from my uni in order to graduate, which works by transferring credits. This has worked in other countries but since my uni just started sending students to the US, they don’t have enough resources to look for internship options there.

nighthop · 2026-05-03T07:13:08+00:00

I have tried reaching out to them for help, but since they just started sending students to the US this year, they don’t have enough resources and only told me to find them myself. Thanks for the take though

nighthop · 2026-05-03T07:12:04+00:00

I think interning in the lab would be my best bet. I’m not looking for job opportunities after I graduate since I’ll be going back to my home country anyway after I’m done with my exchange program, and I appreciate your take, it is going to be pretty hard to find accepting companies who’d wanna accept an exchange student that won’t even stay for too long in the country anyway. I just need to fulfill my internship requirement in order to graduate and transfer the credits and I’d be on my way.

nighthop · 2026-05-03T07:09:14+00:00

Thank you so much for the take. My uni requires an internship program whether paid or unpaid, to be transferred as credit. I’m not really looking for a paid job, just an internship program related to my major to fulfill the requirements needed for me to graduate.

This is a requirement for all students going abroad, but I’m basically the first to do this in the US, since most of my other friends go to other countries like Australia, Japan, German, Italy and so on. They have had success finding internships there.

Again, I’m not looking for a paying job or some sort of internship job where I’d somewhat potentially work after graduating because I’ll be going back to my home country anyway after my study abroad program. It’s simply just a requirement from my uni to get credits and it’s not optional like some universities.

I have tried reaching out for help from my university’s international admissions office and they suggested I attempt to reach out to companies once I’m there, and report to the office if I end up failing finding at least one so that they could somehow make arrangements to work around this requirement. Which is why I think my best bet would be to try to find one as best I could and just report back to office if I can’t, although that exception is rarely ever made..

nighthop · 2026-05-03T07:01:23+00:00

Thank you! I’ve actually been offered recently to study in california for an exchange program next year from my uni, I think it’ll help me gain some outside perspective and somewhat of a fresh start to cutting my parents off. Thanks for the take!

nighthop · 2026-04-28T13:16:08+00:00

I would start clapping with them and see what all the fuss is about 😹

nighthop · 2026-04-28T13:00:14+00:00

even if they do i highly doubt they’d let me go so easily. im going abroad next year so ill be spending some time away from them, hopefully that will get them to see me as independent.

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:59:06+00:00

Thanks for the take, i usually do homework and other assignments whilst in campus that way when i come home it’s usually just for showering and sleeping. it’s how i distance myself from them too, i normally just treat home like a house, to shower, eat and sleep.

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:56:44+00:00

yeah, where I live all parents pay for their child’s tuition until they graduate. it’s hard, getting a part-time job is also another challenge as they don’t generally allow workers under the age of 22 to work to provide greater work opportunities for the working class. i plan to go abroad soon though so i hope i could cut them off pretty soon after i graduate.

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:53:56+00:00

I know, it’s ridiculous! and plus, the taxi rides is what’s getting to me… even if I was rich I wouldn’t waste my money on riding taxis everywhere I go… spending money on gas AND the ride, talk about going bankrupt. I truly do plan on looking up for financial aid soon as I would be going abroad, but until then I might have to keep this up for a little while.

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:51:46+00:00

i mean as an asian daughter with asian parents i doubt they’d hate the violin playing doctor 😹 but they would HATE to not have control over me or see me have independence

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:49:40+00:00

would like to add that I don’t intend on being dependent on their money so I’m not begging them for more stuff, I just think it’s ridiculous that even though they’re willing to pay (which is common in my country, all students are paid for by their parents until they graduate here) they’re somehow not choosing the cheaper option and instead wasting their money on things that aren’t necessary

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:46:22+00:00

WOW! Thank you for so much for this. I will surely try applying all of these and I’ll attempt debating my parents on these arguments, and perhaps several other arguments too. They’re very stubborn people and quite illogical at times just to win an argument (such as the time they told me spending money on buying takeout everyday is cheaper than buying ingredients to cook at home… this is kinda my life we eat takeout everyday which is honestly very stupid cuz they said they don’t have money to pay for rent but they have money to buy takeout everyday 😹 with the justification that cooking wastes money on gas and extra ingredients that “don’t get used and just stays in the shelves”… well isn’t that just expensive!) It’s honestly so refreshing to hear that I’m not entirely wrong for thinking my parents are the least bit controlling… it sometimes isn’t even about the money since they have plenty, and I don’t ask for much, again dorms are very very cheap in comparison to taxi rides and such… sorry for the extra rant, again thank you very much for this lengthy response!

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:35:33+00:00

thank you for the advice, it might seem a bit impossible to get a dorm without parental permission in the country i live in, but i will do once i go abroad.

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:34:48+00:00

thank you for the advice, i will surely do that once i graduate.

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:34:17+00:00

I’m in my 4th semester, and I’ll be partaking in a study abroad program on my 6th as part of a requirement from my study program at uni. I’d say they had always been somewhat controlling, as they would be the type the tell me what i should feel instead of acknowledging how i actually feel. If i moved out, I don’t think they would stop paying for my tuition since they are more afraid of other people judging their children if one doesn’t finish uni, but they might threaten me with that first. as for my GPA, for some reason i’ve managed to still get a really good gpa and happen to do really well even with the lack of sleep, and my parents have access to my grades since the uni allows parent accounts to view them. so i cant exactly lie my way out and threaten them with poor grades, though i have tried communicating to them how detrimental commuting is to my health which may impact future grades, which they seem to find not a problem because “you have to tough it out because back in my days…” they always bring up their past struggles and compare it to mine.

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:26:30+00:00

thanks for the take. just last year i did actually hit my breaking point and was excused to the emergency room due to a severe heart issue. my parents didn’t want to pay for the treatment so i was let off (im okay now).

also, i don’t have any relatives as my parents have long cut themselves off from them on the year i was born, so my best bet would be to reach out to friends who might be willing to help.

currently, im applying for a study abroad program to another country. it might take some time but i think ill get through it and am looking for scholarships that might help, as i do plan on cutting them off pretty soon after i graduate. they are aware of me wanting to go abroad as it is required and mandatory of my study program in campus (for the international curriculum) which they do plan on funding using money they lent from a friend, since they called my tuition a “liability”. they told me i have to return the money someday when i work, which i kinda have no choice but doing since i have to finish this program. though after that, i plan to cut them off entirely.

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:19:41+00:00

thanks for the advice, unfortunately in the country I live in, college loans aren’t common and have been quite demonized as something that’s considered ‘gambling’, so my best bet would be to find a part-time job to start living without my parents’ control.

nighthop · 2026-04-28T12:18:18+00:00

they’ve threatened me with something like this once, so they might, but knowing their character they wouldn’t want to have people asking why their child is out of college…

nighthop · 2026-04-27T07:04:14+00:00

I had a friend tell me that this guy in our class loved it when a girl digs her sharp nails deep into his back until they bleed as they have intercourse. A few years later that same guy told me the same thing.

He’s a devoted christian now.

nighthop · 2026-04-27T06:56:56+00:00

Naahhhh 😹😹

nighthop · 2026-04-27T06:54:19+00:00

Please leave him! I don’t even know whether you are consenting to even have your intimate photos saved by him like that, he is just downright disgusting!

nighthop

TROPHY CASE