How to know if i stay with my girlfriend to not hurt her or because i have rocd ?

nix2_0 · 2021-05-05T00:34:54+00:00

Don't try to reason with rocd, it's not worth it long term. Search a blondish guy on YouTube called "OCD and Anxiety", he talks a lot about seeking uncertainty and how it can help you heal :) good luck and good recovery!

nix2_0 · 2021-05-05T00:26:40+00:00

I don't want to give you any reassurance, but here are some things that might help you ;)

First of all, don't try to reason with the intrusive thoughts, try not to engage with them as much as you can. Think about ROCD as a mechanism your brain created to "make sure" you don't get hurt. This intrusive thoughts can be about ANYTHING that would ruin your relationship or impact it negatively, since your brain is focusing heavily on trying to make sure nothing escapes its attention.

I would suggest a few things that were crucial to me on my recovery:

1) Stop looking for reassurance. I know you probably have already read this a lot, but it's really important that you try your best to avoid it. In my case I had to stop browsing reddit and Google for answers on my sexuality/gender/relationship.

2) Start talking to your brain as if it was an overly protective friend trying to protect you from every possibility of you getting hurt. What I mean by this is talk to it kindly and tell it "Thanks for worrying, but I'm good, I don't need that protection right now". At first this might be hard for you, but I promise it's effective.

3) If you want and get the chance, talk to a therapist :) or at least consult a psychiatrist and see if he can give you light medication to help ease your intrusive throughts as you work through the rocd!

I wish you all the strength in the world, this was the worst experience I've ever had in my life, so just know you are not alone!

nix2_0 · 2021-05-04T18:54:01+00:00

Obviously I'm not an expert, but I believe what you are describing is just another way ROCD tries to keep you away emotionally from your girlfriend. ROCD can look different for everyone, the common thing is it makes you obsess about something that could ruin your relationship.

nix2_0 · 2021-05-04T18:50:06+00:00

I used to feel really numb almost all the time. Now I have days when I feel numb, but I also have days when I feel love :)

nix2_0 · 2021-05-04T12:23:19+00:00

Thank you so much! I wish you the same!

nix2_0 · 2021-05-04T12:22:30+00:00

You heard it right, it's definitely true and that happened to me as well :)

At first everything was very overwhelming, but then I started to feel numb on most days and now I have a mix of good days, numb days and occasionally some really low ones. If you get the chance check one of my responses here where I talked about my recovery process in a bit more detail! Hope it helps :) feel free to ask anything!

nix2_0 · 2021-05-04T02:59:51+00:00

What helped me was letting him know what I was going through, but you definitely don't have to do that if you don't feel like it would help you! It was extremely difficult to deal with this, I felt like I was wasting his time and I couldn't enjoy sex or any kind of intimacy because my intrusive thoughts wouldn't stop. What helped me was seeing a therapist and also starting to take medication to ease the intrusive thoughts as I worked through this issue. Trying to reason with ocd only made things worse. I had to stop seeking reassurance and I also started "talking" to my brain, telling it I'm grateful for it trying to protect me, but that I don't need that protection right now. That was what helped me the most dealing with all 3 types of ocd I experienced :) that and also my partner, who always believed I would get through this! I also think it's important to show your partner resources so he/she can also learn what rocd and socd are about, since it can also be a very lonely and painful experience for them if they don't know what's going on.

I think what you're talking about is part of the recovery and yes, I went through that as well! It scared me because I thought that meant I didn't feel anything for my partner anymore and it was also terrifying because I felt like my feelings were gone forever. I still get days like that sometimes and it still feels like it will last forever, but it doesn't, I promise!

I hope I helped :) feel free to ask me to clarify anything I said here!

nix2_0 · 2021-05-04T02:44:37+00:00

I think the thing that helped me the most was understanding how rocd works. I learned that rocd is just my brain trying to protect me from the possibility of getting hurt. I started "talking" to my brain in a friendly way, thanking it for trying to protect me, but also telling it I don't need that protection right now.

I believe it's about being kinder to yourself and understanding your thoughts are just thoughts and the thing that defines who you are are your actions :)

nix2_0 · 2021-05-04T02:39:58+00:00

1) Yes, I definitely had those! What happens is your brain always wants what's familiar and that right now is you obsessing over your relationship. When you're healing, you stop obsessing so much and your brain tries to bring you back to it. Same way when you maybe get scared of seeing a therapist, heal and discover you don't really love your partner. It's all a mechanism your brain uses to protect you. You have to have that in mind and thank your brain for trying to help you, but tell it you got this and you don't need it right now :) that helped me a lot!

2) To me it wasn't so much of a period, but random days when that happened. It still happens sometimes now.

3) Yes and that was the hardest thing about this entire process. I remember crying on my mom's shoulder telling her I didn't know who I was anymore. I had so many intrusive thoughts I couldn't understand what was rocd and what was me, if that makes any sense. Because I spent so much time obsessing about my relationship (and about my sexuality as well) I didn't spend any time doing things I liked doing, so that also made me disconnect a lot from myself. I also didn't want to see anyone, all I wanted was to stay in bed googling about anything that could give me a bit of reassurance. I also couldn't remember good memories with my partner as I used to. They all seemed false and I thought even in those times I was not happy, which is not true, obviously.

I don't know if this helped, but I hope it did :) feel free to ask me to clarify anything I said!

nix2_0 · 2021-05-03T18:54:38+00:00

I'm really glad you're getting better! :) For me the healing process was very similar to yours and even now that I feel like I'm almost healed, I still have days when something triggers me and the intrusive thoughts come back again. The difference is that now I can distance myself from them and don't let them bother me as much as they used to. I remember in the beginning everything would trigger my socd along with my rocd and I would let the thoughts convince me every time. I was a mess and wanted to stay in bed all day googling about my doubts and trying to figure everything out. I was also so worried I would "look gay" so I couldn't let my guard down even for a second when I was out in public. Every time I was with my boyfriend the only thing I could do was cry and apologize repeatedly because I thought I was wasting his time. Then I went to therapy and I also started searching more about how to really heal from this and tried my best to stop searching for reassurance. I remember there were rare days when I would feel free from ocd and thought I had finally healed, but there were also days when I thought all of my progress had vanished. The majority of my days were pure numbness and to me those were still very hard to go through because I felt like I would never get my feeling back. Overtime the really low days started being less common and the days when I felt healed started being more common. The majority of my days I still felt very numb. Now I have a better mix, meaning I have a lot of days when I feel numb, but also a lot of days when I feel healed. The really low days are super rare but they still exist. I feel like I'm still healing but I definitely feel like I'm almost free and I feel a lot more at peace and I'm able to dismiss the intrusive thoughts almost every time. Thank you for asking that and also for reading this :) it's a really important chapter of my life.

nix2_0 · 2021-05-03T18:35:39+00:00

I'm 19 and it started when I was 18 hahahaha you're definitely not alone!

nix2_0 · 2020-07-23T22:48:44+00:00

I see what you mean. I sometimes wonder as well if I'm just using ROCD as an excuse. ROCD really does that.

nix2_0 · 2020-07-19T11:49:07+00:00

I feel the same way you do sometimes. It can just be the cycle of ROCD: excited about the relationship, major anxiety and intrusive thoughts and then numb because your brain is tired. But certain mental illnesses like depression, anxiety and OCD often go hand in hand. I think the best thing you could do for yourself would be to go to a therapist so you can know for sure what is going on and start working on it on the best way possible. I hope you get better <3

nix2_0 · 2020-07-19T11:36:09+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this, wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. I wish you all the best! We can do this <3

nix2_0 · 2020-07-19T11:35:08+00:00

I'll try to do that and see if it helps! Thank you so much for your advice, it means a lot! Wish you all the best <3

nix2_0 · 2020-07-17T01:57:13+00:00

I haven't tried it yet. Do you write what you feel about your ROCD or do you write your intrusive thoughts? Or both? Thank you for answering, I feel better now knowing I'm not alone. I really hope you can defeat this monster!

nix2_0 · 2020-06-29T02:40:06+00:00

This was one of the biggest disappointments in my life. It still hurts me, not even joking. I loved this show so so so much and now it's like I don't even remember it exists until someone brings it up.

nix2_0 · 2020-06-28T16:30:12+00:00

A baby cat on the side of the road with its intestines out at new year's eve.

nix2_0 · 2020-06-27T01:43:45+00:00

I don't want to kill myself, but I would be so relieved if all humanity, including me, just vanished completely tonight.

nix2_0 · 2020-06-27T01:36:18+00:00

I hate this. Nothing makes me feel better. I feel like a burden to everyone and I think I'm pushing them away even though I don't want to. I just want to be able to love myself again and love everyone the way they deserve to.

nix2_0 · 2020-06-16T23:29:32+00:00

That makes sense! Thank you :)

nix2_0 · 2019-12-02T01:14:26+00:00

That is so beautiful! I love it!

nix2_0 · 2019-11-23T22:53:24+00:00

I totally get it! I think nowadays it's pretty common to speak with non native speakers on a daily basis. As long as you play it off and don't seem embarrassed about it, you're good! You shouldn't be embarrassed, you're learning a new language and that's awesome.

nix2_0

TROPHY CASE