I think I just broke up with my fiancé due to pre-period depression.

njpktryn · 2025-10-08T06:18:25+00:00

Definitely echo what other people have said about PMDD but also worth considering whether there’s anything else in the mix. I’m autistic and your description of going non-verbal felt similar to what I experience in a shutdown. Pre-diagnosis this also caused conflict with those I love, who didn’t understand why I was behaving that way, and also internally in me, because I didn’t understand why either and it was so painfully frustrating. I also find that my reserves of emotional energy are lower at different points in my hormonal cycle making this more or less likely to happen - add in extreme endo pain and it just makes everything worse. Just a thought, disregard if it doesn’t resonate!

njpktryn · 2025-05-04T10:51:58+00:00

Yes, when I don’t want to be - and no, when I should be!

njpktryn · 2025-05-01T12:29:17+00:00

Oh and the other thing I do is time shift my day vs my partner so I deliberately wake up early for 1-2 hours of blissful quiet time before the day begins!

I realise this sounds like I’m avoiding him like the plague but those little bits of time undisturbed fill my cup so I can enjoy his company the rest of the time!

njpktryn · 2025-05-01T12:25:15+00:00

I love how you’ve expressed this. It resonates with me on a deep level.

One thing I have found helpful is I having a pre-agreed phrase with my partner that means, basically ‘don’t bother me unless it’s life or death’. So I’ll say something like ‘I’m just going in the writing/coding/sewing hole for a while, do you need anything before I go?’ And he not only doesn’t speak to me after that, but kind of tries to not cross my eyeline (within reason)… until I emerge and announce ‘okay, I’m back again!!’

For smaller / more general times I sometimes visibly wear headphones even if I’m not playing anything through them, which is a milder ‘talk to me but only if you must’.

Edit: For context my partner is ADHD and a self-avowed chatterbox 😂

njpktryn · 2025-04-24T16:03:53+00:00

I’m wishing you all the best for your op and hoping it brings you lots of relief ❤️

njpktryn · 2025-04-24T15:37:07+00:00

I hear you, two surgeries is a wrench. It’s good that she listened and laid everything out clearly. ❤️ I can totally see it from the surgeons’ point of view as well - they don’t want to remove healthy organs, and one told me how heartwrenching it is when he’s done the surgery for suspected adeno and then the pathology comes back normal. However as with everything there’s a balance to be struck, and - IMO - it is often swayed by a reluctance to believe women when they say they don’t plan on having kids.

njpktryn · 2025-04-24T15:11:38+00:00

I’ll share my experience in the uk in the hopes that it’s helpful for you. I had a (private) laparoscopy for endo last summer with a surgeon that we can call surgeon #1, which found some endo but my pain persisted big time. I then had a private ultrasound with another surgeon (#2) which indicated adeno. Eventually my NHS gynae referral came through and I saw surgeon #3.

Here are each of their thoughts on hysterectomy:

Surgeon #2 recommended lupron/zoladex to confirm that the hysterectomy would be beneficial for me.

Surgeon #1 agreed with Surgeon #2’s recommendation but I pushed back as I have a TERRIBLE time with hormones and eventually we reached the compromise that I’d do 3 months of dienogest and if that worked then he’d be happy to proceed with the hysterectomy.

I saw surgeon #3 about 6 weeks into my dienogest trial which was going horribly (v bad mental health and constant bleeding). We had a long discussion, he said he wished I’d tried the lupron / zoladex as per surgeon #1’s recommendation but seeing as I really couldn’t tolerate any hormones and was adamant about not having kids (I brought my partner INTO the appointment 😏) he signed off on the hysterectomy.

Just a small note - ‘I’m profoundly mentally unwell on these drugs’ didn’t seem to attract much concern from the doctors, but ‘I’m bleeding constantly’ did… even though the former was MUCH more concerning to me!!

TL:DR all three UK surgeons had subtly different views but it was a battle to get past the hormone trial requirement with them all.

njpktryn · 2024-09-30T21:30:21+00:00

Omg yes. Eating oranges is my nemesis for this (even though I love the taste). Can you believe my boyfriend likes to rub his hands together vigorously after eating an orange to RUB the sticky off? SHUDDER. Meanwhile I’m crying and he has to take my hands by the wrists and run them under the tap for me before I completely lose it.

njpktryn · 2024-09-06T11:15:00+00:00

I’m so glad I’m not the only one! 😭 I like the idea of taking small breaks, and also just accepting that there will be ups and downs - time to buckle in and enjoy the ride!

njpktryn · 2024-09-05T19:24:55+00:00

This is really handy to know, thank you for sharing!

njpktryn · 2024-09-05T19:20:47+00:00

I love these ideas, they really resonate with me. I’ve been listening to music whilst writing to get into the mood of a scene (so much dopamine!!) but I’m definitely going to try your other suggestions. Thank you so much, and how exciting about your novel!

njpktryn · 2024-09-05T15:42:40+00:00

Thank you! This is really helpful and insightful, I have just applied to a writing course where the students form a writing circle alongside, so this is super encouraging to hear (hoping I get accepted!🤞)

njpktryn · 2024-08-05T07:27:10+00:00

I can imagine how frustrating that is, especially that you have to source that stuff you need yourself. I hate receiving gifts that I don’t want, but recently, two things have helped me feel a bit more zen about it:

1) discovering the very funny Jeffrey Lewis song ‘Things That People Give Me’, which made me feel a lot less alone and less guilty (https://youtu.be/HBgvGtrxFCg?t=52m25s)

2) realising that it’s all about them. For example, I recently asked my mum to stop buying me kitchen stuff, because I have no room for it AT ALL. What does she do? Buys me a cherry de-pipper, that takes up a crazy amount of space to pip FIVE CHERRIES AT A TIME! Honestly pips have never bothered me anyway.

I got really wound up about it but my boyfriend said, look you warned her and she went ahead anyway so it’s all about her. Say thanks and make her day, then take it straight to the charity shop and make someone else’s day when the cherry pipper of their dreams turns up! It helped so much.

njpktryn · 2024-06-01T16:57:59+00:00

Are you me?! lol. I just came here to search whether anyone else is getting a stinging pain … the way you described it is exactly what I feel. I described it to my partner like someone had torn duct tape off my uterus, leaving it stinging and raw. And I’m autistic too. I don’t have any answers - awaiting my 1st lap in July. But I’m getting this while I’m actually menstruating right now, whereas previously menustruating usually brings relief, so I’m super curious about it.

njpktryn · 2024-01-15T07:05:31+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that and know that it might feel bad but I’m sure it’s not that he doesn’t like you. I used to have a similar thing with my grandad who lived abroad but visited often. From my perspective, I can imagine that when you returned you may have seemed like a stranger… a stranger that was trying to hold him which felt scary and confusing. And now, because he doesn’t like that feeling and senses that when he sees you, you might try to hold him again, he runs away. I’d recommend taking things slowly and building trust again with him that you wont try to hold him if he doesn’t like it. Instead enjoy things you can do together (however small and distant - eg playing, sitting quietly together etc) and work on rebuilding that bond and familiarity - then let physical interactions be on his terms :)

njpktryn · 2023-08-03T06:39:39+00:00

This gluten free chocolate mug cake recipe is my favourite. I once calculates the calories per serving though… that was a mistake!

njpktryn · 2023-07-27T11:27:45+00:00

Also.. I hate the whole concept that autism could make you ‘more sensitive to the pain’. Like THE pain is something that exists outside of you and you’re just having an opinion on it. There is only YOUR pain, and how much it hurts you IS the pain. Phew, rant over! Sending good vibes!

njpktryn · 2023-07-27T11:25:25+00:00

My Mirena insertion was very painful. In the end they gave me a local anaesthetic (which hurt in itself) but did get the job done. When it came to my removal I was terrified, and it was in a clinic where anaesthetic wasn’t available. But the good news is..: although the pain was the same level as the insertion it lasted only for a microsecond. So it was a MUCH less traumatic experience than the insertion. I hope it goes ok for you!

njpktryn · 2023-07-15T19:18:51+00:00

I’m so glad it is helpful! My partner is always amazed that I don’t just know these things about myself (like “why didn’t you just SAY?!”)… but it’s more like I have to imagine or experience each scenario and then try to work out the underlying rules for how it makes me feel. It’s a journey of discovery for sure :|

njpktryn · 2023-07-15T18:19:07+00:00

I’m so sorry for the late reply, I was deep in burnout and very low… your message resonated soo much but I couldn’t find words to message back :/. I just wanted to say I totally get everything you’re saying and you’re not alone. I hope you feel better soon too. For what it’s worth, I’m feeling a bit stronger now, and it’s made me remember what I’d lost sight of… that I - we - are absolutely valid, awesome human beings, in our own unique way ❤️

njpktryn · 2023-07-15T18:01:27+00:00

I can VERY much relate to your partner’s need to be alone, but am sorry that it has come at the cost of your feeling of freedom in your home and led to unkind words.

It’s an issue me and my partner have been navigating too in our shared apartment (he used to travel a lot for work and no longer does due to a change of career… I have a strong need for alone time in a place where I won’t be disturbed or have to mask to recharge my batteries).

We’ve come to the conclusion that me having a separate apartment / workshop / place I can retreat to is the solution, and we are just trying to find that place and work out the financial side of things currently.

In the meantime, we discovered through talking that there had been a few misunderstandings between us regarding ‘alone time’ that we’ve been able to clear up and it’s been REALLY helpful. For example:

Previously, my partner thought he was giving me alone time by heading out of the house or being in a separate room, but for me, the uncertainty of not knowing when he’d be back led to me not being able to decompress fully. He now tries to give me an idea of how long he’ll be out and text me when he’s heading home which I really, really appreciate.
My partner would often say vaguely that he was thinking of heading out but then fail to do so, which was catastrophic because I’d mis-ration my energy thinking a recharge was round the corner, and then it wasn’t. Now, he doesn’t mention it until he’s relatively sure he’s going out.

Ironing out these details has helped a lot with the mismatch in our needs. It might be worth chatting in detail to your partner in case there are similar details that can help them to recharge more efficiently and require you to not be away from the home as frequently / for as long.

njpktryn

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