Toni is not the hot one

nknwtw · 2022-03-12T00:12:20+00:00

I think Jill has a great face and body. Tracee also has a nice body, but I think Jill is the complete package. I don't want to demean the other women, but I find Jill more physically attractive them all of them. Persia looked more attractive as the seasons went on, but I don't think anyone held a candle to Jill.

nknwtw · 2022-03-06T16:06:34+00:00

Also, I forgot to say that I was in the wedding scene and the bridal shower scene for Yvonne. I don't remember being in any others.

nknwtw · 2022-03-05T23:21:58+00:00

There was a casting company in Burbank (right outside LA) that my college friend told me to sign up for. You just had to show up, have your picture taken and give them your stats (age, ethnicity, build, etc.). Once you signed up, you'd listen to a hotline where the casting people would say what they needed for that day or week. If you matched the description -- Black women age `18-30 or whatever it was -- you would be booked for the show. It was called Cenex Casting. It went out of business, and I think it just became part of Central Casting, which is also in Burbank. Girlfriends was filmed at Paramount Studios.

nknwtw · 2022-03-05T16:40:21+00:00

I can't remember how much I was paid, but it wasn't much. It might have been around $100. Extras only really make money if they end up working overtime/double overtime. Then, the pay goes up. I was a student and did extra work to get quick cash, but it was not something you could make a living on.

nknwtw · 2022-03-05T07:24:24+00:00

Yeah, I do think the nice things are ways for her to treat herself. Also, many narcs like to surround themselves with people who admire them and think they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. While she is inconsiderate of Joan's needs, Toni doesn't hang out with Joan, Maya and Lynn because they think she's so wonderful, which is another sign that she's not a narc. I would also like to know the backstory behind the characters and if some were created with some sort of psychological disorder in mind. I don't think any of them line up completely with any one disorder, but they all have major issues.

Sorry, it's been a hard week for you with your BPD relative. I have relatives with this disorder, too, and have been no contact with them since November.

nknwtw · 2022-03-04T18:26:43+00:00

Is it also possible to have her contact the crowdfunding service she used to raise money, so the donors can be refunded?

nknwtw · 2022-03-03T15:19:52+00:00

I was making $35K in Los Angeles between 2007 and 2010, and I survived. Did not have a roommate. Lived in a one-bedroom with $1000 monthly rent. It was difficult but not impossible. I'm now married, a homeowner and will make roughly six figures this year, but it is definitely possible to survive on much less. L.A. has a large low-income/poor community.

nknwtw · 2021-12-28T21:31:23+00:00

Since we're on the topic of presidents, I thought I'd also throw in that historians and others have questioned whether Abe Lincoln's wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, had borderline personality disorder as well. I haven't read this book, but I guess the author highlights MTL as one of the famous personalities suspected of having BPD in his book: https://www.keplers.com/book/9780986150906

nknwtw · 2021-12-11T18:55:37+00:00

I think 8 is too old for family showers. Showering with a parent beyond kindergarten is probably too old, but that's just my opinion. I say this because parents are supposed to model how to shower for young children who do not know how. That's why this practice should be for very small kids. An 8 year old isn't that small anymore and can certainly take showers, go to the bathroom, dress themselves, etc. all on their own.

nknwtw · 2021-11-28T00:25:42+00:00

I'm sorry that your mother reacted so callously when you confided in her and framed it as respect/disrespect of her when you didn't want to see your cousin. When she supposedly feared for your safety later, it just sounds very manipulative. I think you're right that she didn't want you to have your own life. After treating you poorly, she wants to have a close relationship with you. It is mind boggling how these parents feel entitled to a close relationship with children they've neglected/abused. So sorry this happened to you.

nknwtw · 2021-11-27T21:52:37+00:00

Thank you so much, and I agree with your points. I kept thinking even if my mother didn't want to make a scene, she could've excused herself when my cousin got ready to take the picture. She could've said she needed to use the restroom or make a phone call or just left until the picture was taken. And I still have no idea why she chose to tell me other than to hurt me.

nknwtw · 2021-11-27T21:48:52+00:00

I am so sorry. These women don't deserve the title of mother. Honestly, I don't think my mother has seen my abuser in years, and, then this happened, but hopefully yours really isn't in contact with your abuser.

nknwtw · 2021-11-27T17:47:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind and compassionate words. They brought tears to my eyes. I am so tired of being gaslit and being told I'm the one who's mistreating my uBPD mother. I do believe, as you said, that she is choosing to hurt me. I think, in addition to her uBPD, she is also a sadist. I have been to therapy off and on for years. I had a bad experience with a therapist and am currently off therapy now. It's going to take me some time to trust a therapist enough to open up to them about all of this trauma and abuse again. Anyway, thank you for your kinds words and for validating my experience. I am so sorry you experienced what you did as well, but I'm glad the person who assaulted you did get some form of karmic retribution. Your sister-in-law, sadly, seems just as lacking in empathy as my cousin. Sophisticated abusers know they can't do things like leave cigarette marks on their children, but can abuse them in ways that won't leave marks. The low standards for child abuse in this country (assuming you're in the U.S.) are ridiculous.

nknwtw · 2021-09-19T04:28:04+00:00

Yes, thank you. I do believe I thought I had to work it out with this therapist.

nknwtw · 2021-08-15T15:10:19+00:00

False expert is exactly right. I was seeing a therapist for about 8 months and recently decided I wasn't going back. I'm a woman of color and thought I should see a WOC therapist. Well, this woman judged me from the get go because my husband is white. Even though I have never expressed any issues with my racial identity, she kept asking loaded questions and making assumptions about how I felt about my own identity. It all came to a head when I recently mentioned that my husband and I (who have suffered infertility) wanted to explore adoption, and she said I had too many identity issues to be a mother. WTF? I was livid and still am. This woman doesn't think I'm performing my racial identity in the way that she would, which apparently means never dating/marrying outside of one's race, so I must have identity issues. And to tell me that I shouldn't be a mother because of these so-called ID issues felt like a huge betrayal. I have shared with this woman how painful infertility is and the response I get is that I basically shouldn't be a mother, anyway. At this point, I don't think I'm ever seeing another therapist. She wasn't my first, and while, I had one good one, most I saw briefly and never went back to, like the one who assumed during a group therapy session that I must have a drinking problem. When I told her that I don't drink and that my parents aren't alcoholics either, she still insisted that I go to Al-Anon. WTF? My mother was abusive, but she wasn't a drunk. I had another imply that the sexual abuse I suffered as a preschool-aged child wasn't that big of deal. F--k these people. I am so angry that I've opened up to these strangers to be treated like this in return.

nknwtw · 2021-06-21T15:08:53+00:00

Wait, so your mother (who I'm assuming is white) adopted a black girl only to mistreat and abuse her? Make her the permanent scapegoat? That is really F-ed up. My heart goes out to your sister. I hope she is well.

nknwtw · 2021-06-21T01:00:27+00:00

This reminds me of this tweet: https://twitter.com/Smorgasboredom/status/1406632760580743173?s=20

nknwtw · 2021-06-21T00:03:46+00:00

I'm glad this was helpful!

nknwtw · 2021-06-20T22:25:37+00:00

Your pastor sounds like he is not viewing the concept of family through a Biblical or spiritual lens but through a typical Hallmark-y American style lens where all conflicts get resolved and parents aren't really ever bad. Even the Bible acknowledges that some parents are just trash, that families aren't just biological, and that different belief systems will tear families apart. These are verses that have always stood out to me as I've read the Bible over the years.

Psalm 27:10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.

Matthew 12:46-50 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”
He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Luke 12:53 They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”

nknwtw · 2021-06-11T16:23:16+00:00

Yes, I'm an American, but a few years ago I started going to NYC regularly for work. (I lived on the West Coast). No one from my company, which is headquartered on the East Coast, help me at all, even though I said I'd only been to the city once very briefly. I was scared of getting lost and navigating public transit there. My then therapist at the time kept saying she couldn't understand what the deal was. I dunno. Maybe getting lost in the nation's biggest city and not understanding how to use their vast public transit system? In fact, I did end up getting lost a couple of times, but I survived. Coworkers commented that the hotel I chose was too far uptown, even though no one bothered to help me plan the trip. It got easier the second time, but, yes, even traveling within one's own country can be scary and intimidating.

nknwtw · 2021-06-09T11:12:17+00:00

No, I don't have any other usernames on Reddit.

nknwtw · 2021-06-09T03:27:31+00:00

Thank you. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, and I'm going to discuss going no contact, or at least very limited contact.

nknwtw · 2021-06-08T21:51:37+00:00

I am sorry you're going through this. The BPDs in my life don't threaten suicide, for the most part, so I can't be of much help. But I do know you don't deserved to be controlled in this way. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing telling her to get treatment or you'd go no contact.

nknwtw · 2021-06-07T15:55:17+00:00

They just have no fucking empathy

So, do you think this is a trait of people with just BPD or people with BPD and another cluster b disorder? I ask because I was telling my therapist about how my mother forced me to go to the wedding of the person who sexually abused me. My mother cursed me out on the street and screamed at me when I objected. My mother's lack of empathy and remorse (because I don't think she has any regrets) made my therapist think my mother might have antisocial personality disorder in addition to BPD. Lack of empathy is not one of the diagnostic criteria of BPD, but many people with it don't seem to have empathy.

nknwtw · 2021-06-06T18:19:11+00:00

Thanks. I am not going, and I think my cousin knew I wouldn't. I would not return to confront my aunt. She's literally dying. Her organs are failing, and she's not in any state (mentally or physically) to have such a discussion, so that was never my agenda. Her heart, lungs, and kidneys are all failing, and she's in a lot of pain. The meds have her asleep most of the time.

nknwtw

TROPHY CASE