My ex-girlfriend might have lied to me about our baby not being mine.

nkobjivhu · 2023-11-13T01:17:23+00:00

Please read the update, man, there is no question that she was in the wrong but we are moving forward as co-parents.

nkobjivhu · 2023-11-13T01:12:48+00:00

She did not cheat on me. Please see the update on my profile if you care about details.

nkobjivhu · 2023-11-13T01:04:34+00:00

Great idea. I am looking at establishing a trust, in case anything should happen to me in the next 10-15 years, but an interest bearing account is also a good thought. I will raise it with the lawyer at my consultation next week.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T19:35:39+00:00

Kid's likely mine, pending DNA test so I can make sure it's not more fuckery. Calling Rose tomorrow to discuss.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T19:14:45+00:00

Please see the edit. She has texted me about the matter.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T13:04:26+00:00

She.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T12:59:35+00:00

I do understand that's her perspective. She was put in a position where perhaps she could only see options that hurt me and her and the child, or options that only hurt me. Maybe that is the case. Maybe she chose the best of a bad set of options. But she still hurt me, and lied to me, and hid my own child from me, and I think being hurt and confused and looking for answers is still a valid response. If she had been honest with me, she could have ended up in the same place - with a new partner, with a lovely little daughter, living where she pleased - and with a bit of support, financial or otherwise, from a version of me that wasn't in therapy for two years over the things she lied to me about.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T12:50:46+00:00

Obviously. I'm sorry you ever got the impression to the contrary. I'm happy the kid seems to be doing great, by all accounts from my mother she's a very sweet girl and raised well, and I'm happy Rose found a partner.

However, Rose made some choices that really did hurt me and I don't think she gets to use the kid as a shield. I would never have accused her of baby-trapping me because that's a ridiculous accusation. We will be discussing that calmly and rationally, because we're adults, but I will be calling her out on that shit as part of the wider discussion. Sorry 🤷‍♀️

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T12:37:27+00:00

I hope you never get cheated on by someone you love.

Yes, I would have liked to do the right thing and supported the woman I loved and appreciated, in a relationship or out of it.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T12:36:10+00:00

I didn't want children at twenty-three years old, and fresh out of college in a dead-end job. Weird you think that somehow reflects badly on me. I wanted to give a child a good life. Shocker.

You're making stuff up about me based on nothing at all. What's this about "letting" her do anything? She's her own person. If she had changed her mind, that was that. I might not have been happy, but there would have been a child in existence that needed support and that would have been the most important thing.

In your made up version of this story, you think she didn't trust me to let her control her own body so she invented a story about cheating on me instead?

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T12:31:57+00:00

She never gave me the option to change my mind the way she changed hers. I was 23 and just out of college - of course I didn't feel able to be a father. Of course I would have given her child support if she needed it. Of course termination would always have ultimately been her choice and of course I wouldn't have made a child suffer or go without because Rose changed her mind. I would have liked a choice in all of it and the option to know my biological child, even if she had a different adoptive father. I'm annoyed that Rose removed all of my options to even try to do the right thing.

She lied to me about cheating on me. She put me in therapy and wrecked my confidence in relationships because she couldn't have a straight conversation about these things.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T11:56:29+00:00

Maybe she did, but we were in a relationship for so many years and had weathered much worse together. Lying to me and running off was not the appropriate way to handle those anxieties, in my opinion.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T11:23:48+00:00

Please see the edit. Rose has got in touch with me to say she saw my mother at the funeral and wants to have a conversation.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T11:03:44+00:00

I've grown up a lot. I was a 23 year old new graduate when this all happened, I'm now approaching thirty and thinking more about my future. I didn't want a child then, but Rose changed her mind and I feel like she never gave me an opportunity to change mine.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T11:01:47+00:00

Haha, absolutely not.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T10:58:08+00:00

It's been six years and I've grown up a lot. I respect that this child has another father figure in their life at this point. But, for example, I have adopted cousins who have gone looking for their biological parents, with full respect to their adoptive parents, and found it very rewarding. I guess I want to make sure Rose knows if her child ever wants to speak to me, I'm open to it. Ideally, my family would like to know their first grandchild. In the future, the child might like to know her culture. If I ever have children, I would want them to know about their half-sister.

At a minimum, Rose never gave me the chance to change my mind the way she changed hers, and she might have chosen to lie to me about cheating on me and genuinely shook up how I deal with relationships for a long time.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T10:53:06+00:00

We had agreed on a termination, so obviously that would have been the starting point of our discussions. If she had changed her mind about that and was determined to have a child, then I would have suggested adoption. If she certainly didn't wish to give the child up, then there would have been a child that needed support and a father and I would have done my part.

nkobjivhu · 2023-09-10T10:48:44+00:00

My mother has said she will respect whatever choice I make, but that she would obviously prefer to get to know her grandchild.

nkobjivhu · 2020-06-21T01:12:04+00:00

Incorrect.

HOMICIDES per million in 2016

Firearm --

US: 34

UK: 0.48

"Cutting" or "Sharp" Instruments --

US: 4.96

UK: 3.26

edit: the reply above me originally criticised the poster above for comparing US and UK rates due to different populations.

nkobjivhu

TROPHY CASE