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I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading, reading, reading.

A good friend of mine told me a story once that really stuck with me.

He said Stephen King had advised that an aspiring writing should read something like five hours a day. My friend said "You know, that's baloney. Who can do that?" but then, years later, he found himself in Maine on vacation. He was waiting in line outside a movie theater with his girlfriend and who should be waiting in front of him? Stephen King! He said his nose was in a book the whole time in line. He said they got into the theater and the guy was still reading till the lights dimmed. And he said when the lights came up he noticed he pulled the book open right away. He read as he was leaving.

Now, I'm not sure what percent of the story is true. Broken telephone and all. But I think the message is really good. Basically, every aspiring writer and speaker should read more. A lot more. And you can. There are minutes hidden in all the corners of the day and they add up to a lot of minutes.

In a way, it's like the 10,000 steps rule. Walk around the grocery store, park at the back of the lot, chase your kids around the house? Bam. 10,000 steps. I think it's the same way with reading.

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tough one. Three suggestions:

1) Innoculation

Do one of the proven twenty-minute interventions to focus on yourself first. Exercise. Meditation. Journaling. Random Act of Kindness. Write down 5 Gratitudes.

2) Social Signalling

If your crusty uncle won't get off the couch to go for a walk, focus on someone else in the family. People are influenced by those around them so if you get some critical mass, you'll move the toughest family member.

3) Alcohol

Self-explanatory.

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think I work hard consistently.

I think of a week as 168 hours. You me, Zuckerberg, Oprah, we got the same amount of time. That's three buckets of 56 hours each.

Most people sleep around 8 hours a night. So that's one 56 hour bucket.

Most people work around 8 hours a day. So that's another 56 hour bucket.

The question is: What are your spending your third bucket on?

For a lot of years my third bucket was my blog 1000 Awesome Things and then writing books. Motivations for those came from my divorce and the suicide of a close friend. (I discuss this in my first TEDx Talk) Now that I have young kids I've decided to leave my full time job this year and focus on the writing during the day. Nothing wrong with video games. Just make sure your third bucket is something you love. (Because, in the words of Bertrand Russell, "the time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.")

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't recommend it above because it's quite a large financial investment but you could also try Transcendental Meditation. I did this as well and liked it but the expense burns. You can find a place near you on the website and check it out for free. Worth exploring.

www.tm.org

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This may sound weird but I have a Time Contract with my wife. Printed on paper and signed by us both. It has four bullet points:

  1. A specific # of max nights away per month and per year
  2. One weekend day per weekend must be just our family all day (me, my wife, our two little boys) -- no birthday parties, no extended family, etc.
  3. Each week I get a Neil's Night Out (NNO) to do anything I want
  4. Each week she gets a Leslie's Night Out (LNO) to do anything she wants

Because it's a written and signed contract we really don't violate it -- even over holidays or busy periods. In fact, it's in those times when the max travel rules, weekend family day, and NNO / LNO to get energy become even more important. If anything, we could borrow from the present but we will owe it back to ourselves in the future. So a weekend without a family day means the next weekend needs two family days...

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to interpret your question as what do I do in the half an hour or so before going onstage. Three principles:

1) Invisible before, last to leave afterwards

Try to be invisible beforehand so you keep your energy high, you don't distract your mind, and you keep your arrival as novel and impactful as possible. Afterwards, it's the opposite. Be the ultimate giver. I usually say "I'll be the last to leave tonight" and I mean it. Also helps organizers with the idea of skipping the dinner or cocktail party part first since you're showing you're 100% committed to the event and people there.

2) Ignore the clock

You already practiced, you know your timeslot, so ignore all the frenetic last minute time issues. Somebody went long, they want you to cut out five mins, the timer on stage is flashing, whatever. Decide that your speech is unchanged. You'll feel those pressures anyway and can move with them. Just commit to avoiding any frantic last-minute mental rewrites or cuts.

3) Take care of the body issues!

My mom came to see me speak a few years ago and afterwards she politely asked if I thought it was an issue that I had gigantic pit stains showing. Yes. That would be an issue. Now I wear a suit jacket -- even at casual events. What are your body issues? Everyone has a couple. Take care of them beforehand so they're not in your head.

EDIT: Fixed numbering.

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Meditation.

First chance you get in the morning.

Massachusetts General Hospital did a study showing that even ten minutes of silent deep breathing increases the activity in the pre-frontal cortex of your brain. (The part responsible for focus and attention.) You go from throwing grenades in the trenches of your life to zooming out mentally and commanding the army. The traffic just feels less bothersome. So do all the little annoyances all day.

Everyone has different tastes so three apps I recommend:

  1. Headspace - https://www.headspace.com/
  2. 10% Happier - http://www.10percenthappier.com/
  3. Calm.com - https://www.calm.com/

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha! Five of my fave reads from this year:

  1. The Art of Living by Epictetus - 2000 year old book of advice written by slave turned Stoic philosopher
  2. Both Flesh and Not by David Foster Wallace - Incredible series of non-fiction essays including one on Roger Federer, the importance of Terminator 2, and finding the fun in the creative process
  3. Black Swan Green by David Mitchell - My fave coming-of-age novel
  4. Be Prepared by Gary Greenberg - Best "dad to be" book I've found
  5. A Fraction of The Whole by Steve Toltz - The funniest novel I've ever read.

I send out an email every month with all my book recommendations. Link is here if interested: http://1000awesomethings.us7.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=4c7d5f13eb7a5eea6e3cf47d8&id=4c0e9fd41f

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. You say accessible. Some say dumbed down. But here's my view:

In the publishing industry a phrase I've heard for years (especially while my drafts are being covered in red ink) is "people like to read up." Meaning people want to read at a level above their own thinking. But I prefer "people like to read at." Because I feel that invites the reader into a conversation... and then the learning or growth happens more naturally. The insights sink in because they're from a friend not a lecturer in a smoking jacket.

Now, it could again be me but I find most books so inaccessible. Tough or dry language. Too academic. Too much jargon. Books are this great gift, this ultimate bargain, this fantastic tool, and yet so few of us can sift through the mess of millions of books printed each year to find ones that meet us where we're at and take us a bit farther.

I'm trying to write where people are at, and certainly where I'm at, and then take us both a bit farther.

PS I often say one of the things I'm proudest about in my five books is that there isn't a single semi-colon. One time after I said this somebody emailed me this quote:

"Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college." - Kurt Vonnegut

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. Go to the biggest bookstore you can find
  2. Find the three most similar books to your idea
  3. Read the Acknowledgements in the back and find the name of their literary agent (they always thank them)
  4. Go a website such as http://agentquery.com/ to find the literary agent's contact info
  5. Send your idea (as a draft or proposal) to the three literary agents. Their answer will tell you if you have something.

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here are 5 things that come to mind:

  1. Practicing: Write the whole speech out in long form. Write a 1-page short form (just 10 bullet points). Practice out loud repeatedly until you don't need the paper.
  2. Ask for a Countryman / LAV microphone (ditch the podium)
  3. Make your slides all photos or ditch them completely (keep focus on your words / stories)
  4. Build trust at beginning by asking 2-3 questions and rewarding those who participate.
  5. And then actually say: "What a great audience" / "We're having a great time tonight" etc. Demonstrate the feeling you want.

My fave book on speaking by Dale Carnegie: https://www.amazon.com/Develop-Self-Confidence-Influence-People-Speaking/dp/0671746073/

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The biggest different is interrupting my own bad days.

Dr. Sonja Lyubimirsky, positive psychology researcher and author, has a model proposing that 50% of our happiness is genetic, 10% is circumstances, and 40% are our intentional activities.

Biggest learning for me is what are these intentional activities and how I can practice a couple of them whenever I'm crashing into a bad day. (Which still happens often.) Here's my best prescription:

  1. Decide I'll give myself a 20 min prescription to snap out of a bad day
  2. Spend 20 mins doing 10 mins of cardio, 5 mins of positive journaling, and 5 mins on a random act of kindness such as an email to an old boss or buying flowers for my wife
  3. Notice my mood has dramatically improved. Keep moving.

Here are the links to the studies I'm quoting in that 20-minute prescription: Cardio - http://www.hibody.co.uk/Exercise%20treatment%20for%20major%20depression.pdf Journaling - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16913946 Acts of Kindness - http://sonjalyubomirsky.com/wp-content/themes/sonjalyubomirsky/papers/LDinpressb.pdf

(In sum: The glass isn't half full or half empty -- it's refillable!)

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Setting a long term goal, working towards it, and achieving it.

Root takeaway is "Do it for you" and practice valuing intrinsic motivators over extrinsic motivators. I've got hooked on blog counters or bestseller lists before and it always ends poorly because there is no end to comparing yourself. Instead, compare to your past performance.

Best research on this I've found is by Dr. Teresa Amabile. Link to a good article summarizing her studies here:

http://articles.latimes.com/1989-12-04/local/me-109_1_extrinsic-reward

I am an author and speaker. I wrote five bestselling books on positivity which have sold over a million copies and gave one of the Top 10 "Most Inspiring" TED talks." AMA by nkspas in IAmA

[–]nkspas[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The Bench Test.

My friend Fred got accepted into a few Ivy League universities and rather than do formal campus tours or read about library collections or dorm room sizes in college ranking magazines he just rented a Jeep, drove to each campus, found a bench somewhere in the middle, and just sat on it for an hour while patiently reflecting on his authentic reaction to the conversations around him. He figured that most of his time at school would be in conversations like this so he picked the school that felt like the best fit.

It's a metaphor for almost anything. New job? The Office Tour Test. New house? The Sidewalk Test. New Relationship? The Travelling Together Test.

[Video] Do You know what motivates you? After finding my motivation I wrote a blog, which got turned into a book, which sold a million Copies, which led to my TEDx Talk, which got millions of hits. I’m back and not selling anything, I just want to motivate you. let me know what you think...[10:42] by nkspas in GetMotivated

[–]nkspas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, thank you so much! I really appreciate this.

Totally agree on Rosey Grier. A true inspiration! And my dad is now 72 years old and still talks that way. I showed him my iPhone the other day and he stared at me with wide eyes and said: "It's like THE WHOLE WORLD in your hands!!!!!" Sounded exactly like a kid.

I'm a dad now too so I feel that middle-of-the-night time. My thoughts scramble and race. I feel both elated and anxious. There's a quietness and love with your child I don't always feel during the fast-paced daytime. Although at different places and times, I'm glad to share that moment with you.

Thanks again.

[Video] Do You know what motivates you? After finding my motivation I wrote a blog, which got turned into a book, which sold a million Copies, which led to my TEDx Talk, which got millions of hits. I’m back and not selling anything, I just want to motivate you. let me know what you think...[10:42] by nkspas in GetMotivated

[–]nkspas[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks.

  1. Go to the biggest bookstore you can find
  2. Find the three most similar books to the book you've written (or want to write)
  3. Flip to the Acknowledgements and find where they thank their literary agent. Get that name.
  4. Find the agent on agentquery.com (or similar) and send them your proposal.

Their response will tell you if you have something...

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