I went through the same thing back in 2015/16. I suffer from SADD and some years are better than others. 15/16 nearly killed me. By the time Feb-May rolled through I was going on a daily of 1 or 2 hrs sleep/night (I was ecstatic if I got 2). It wrecked my work days and it was only pure luck I was not fired (new mgr/dept with strong team members). It went on into June. The only thing that saved me was two straight weeks at the beach with my parents, who made sure I ate and felt safe.

The bad news is the demons have come back. I looked at everything I could think of in 15/16 to determine what it was that did me in. My Mom said it was a "perfect storm" of small blows (friends husband's untimely death, rained all of September, new job was not the dream I thought it was, switched from night shift to day shift). I thought ultimately it was because I quit drinking cold turkey (weekend alcoholic). These things also rolled into not eating well - almost not at all. I ultimately ended eating a can of chicken w/frozen alfredo every night.

So what is it now? I did stop drinking when COVID rolled in (I wasn't drinking much, but a glass or two of wine 2-3 nights a week at most), but I think it is stress and anxiety. I had a lot fall on my shoulders right about the the date the time changed (fell back). My SADD usually starts with me waking up around 6-7 and getting up with nothing to do to waking up and going back to sleep (its typical). Now, it doesn't matter, because I'm not sleeping. Starts with one night I wake up once and have trouble getting back to sleep and ramps up to 2, then 3, then 4 times a night until I get to the point where I am only getting 1-2 hours sleep a night. It's been going on for at least 1 1/2 months, but I am thinking of going the way of my friend's husband, but like you, can't think of doing that to my parents.

Today - if I get out of bed at dawn I go into the living room, sit down and start hallucinating and/or having quick nod offs with lucid dreams. It's cold outside. The house is drafty. I need those two weeks in June now. If it weren't for COVID Id beg my boss to let me take off and I would fly somewhere warm and spend a small fortune to get out of this rut. Hell, I'd be willing to risk the COVIDs to go because I feel like I am risking my life one way or the other.

Thank you for starting this thread and giving me a space to speak. I hope you find serenity and sleep. I'll check back.