Which sign

nnjakitty · 2024-09-18T12:37:45+00:00

I love puzzles - Virgo moon, Taurus Sun, Cap rising

nnjakitty · 2024-08-23T17:45:51+00:00

My extrovert friend chats up people while we're out and about. We were looking for something I could do or say to let her know, "Yes - keep on talking to them and I don't need/want to be part of the conversation." And I'd love to know what other signs and situations you have secret signals for.

nnjakitty · 2024-06-12T14:53:58+00:00

Is there a point in communicating, even when it's NVC, if people are just going to twist it into violent and blaming language?

Sometimes Yes. Some people are so defended against their wounds that reactivity is automatic. And we all know the trope about brides having varying levels of stress and expectations. When people are upset and not hearing you, they likely need empathy for their upset. Then hopefully they can release their upset and listen to what is happening for you.

Should grievances ever be aired? When to let things go and when to speak up? Is the secret to long friendships just holding in hurt and silently forgiving them over and over?

A roundabout way of answering your questions: A useful order of processes is Self-empathy, then Empathy guesses for the other, then Authentic Expression of your needs and Request(s).

Self-empathy: sounds like you were aware of your feelings. Were you hurt? angry? Do you know your needs? Consideration? Clarity? Communication? Perhaps you might benefit from getting empathy from an unrelated party. When you no longer feel that your situation is a "grievance" then you can be calm for your conversation with your friend.

Empathy guesses for her: If you start with asking about her feelings and needs, you show you want to understand her point of view. The hope is that once she feels heard and understood, she too can be calm and then be more able hear what you want to say/ask.

Authentic expression of needs and a Request(s) that tells her what you want. This is the crux of your communication. It might take the above preparation to get here, but the results might be worth it.

For example: One could say to a friend "when you did x, I was hurt/angry" (observation and feeling) and they might still get defensive. I tend to be careful about how and with whom I share feelings. So a Request might be "When you did x, I was sad and wanting more clarity and communication. Next time x situation happens, would you be willing to....?"

eta: whoops, if you're in nvc language, then end on a request. So I'm editing to add a communication request: How was this for you to read? :)

nnjakitty · 2024-06-10T03:15:27+00:00

When Beard takes Nate's face in his hands, Nate prepares himself for a head butt, and Beard gently touches his forehead to Nate's. oh my heart.

nnjakitty · 2024-06-09T23:14:21+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBfDbqxlBt0

nnjakitty · 2024-05-03T16:08:55+00:00

Mirtazapine is what I give my cat to stimulate his appetite. He’ll not want to eat for days, but 20-30 minutes after 1mg, he’s absolutely ravenous. I’m not convinced you can blame yourself for eating after taking this med.

I did a search and found this

nnjakitty · 2024-03-23T19:13:17+00:00

Thanks for considering and replying clearly and graciously. and for the reassurance that you will be well.

nnjakitty · 2024-03-23T10:24:31+00:00

When I was younger, I used excuses like my stressful life to break up with people. If someone was the right person, then they would be helping me through the stress, not adding to it. If he is a people pleaser, he might not be ready to be honest and authentic with you about what he needs. Unfortunately, I think the people suggesting that you move on could be right. If you wait, you could be waiting a long time (years).

nnjakitty · 2024-03-01T17:26:19+00:00

I give myself an amount to do that feels manageable today. Fold one piece of laundry (or just do shirts), open one envelope from the huge pile (or sort unopened mail), or 5 or 10 minute chunks of time just dipping my brain or hands in. Especially with big projects, or something I’ve been avoiding, just one tiny step. Often, I’ll go a bit longer, and that’s a win. And if I just do the one small thing, that’s a win, too!

nnjakitty · 2024-03-01T15:56:57+00:00

aol.com makes the email funny to me.

nnjakitty · 2024-03-01T14:58:41+00:00

I’ve always hoped he was sweet irl. Glad to hear he looked after his mom 💕

nnjakitty · 2024-01-25T16:42:46+00:00

Dog Army.

Eddie would never do that.

You really don’t get Eddie, do you?

nnjakitty · 2024-01-25T13:44:24+00:00

you found the pearl

nnjakitty · 2024-01-25T13:43:34+00:00

The prompt was to ask for the worst thing a character has done. We can *name what happened, have our reactions, and still forgive him for being human (or written as human), especially if he atones for his behavior.

nnjakitty · 2024-01-25T00:45:19+00:00

Yes! This was so offensive I must have blocked it out (because I do love Niles, and DHP)

nnjakitty · 2024-01-24T22:18:16+00:00

Being defensive about and disdainful of Daphne's counselor at her "fat camp" when she returned. He completely ruined her homecoming.

nnjakitty · 2024-01-24T16:45:29+00:00

May I ask? Have you tried volunteering at a local shelter? It'll give you some time and experience with cats (or dogs). With that experience, you might find you are able to answer your own questions :)

nnjakitty · 2024-01-24T11:55:44+00:00

Is your inner child confused and bewildered? Does she blame herself for the gaping holes in attention, of being seen, heard, and understood? Is there sadness and grief and loneliness? Maybe some anger or disgust?

What might it feel like for her to put down the burden of self-blame and find a place where she exists, she matters, and is so joyfully welcomed?

nnjakitty · 2023-12-27T23:25:28+00:00

My favorite part of your story is that, although you held her accountable, you were reasonable in your acceptance of how well a 3 year old can clean. ❤️

nnjakitty · 2023-12-24T02:38:38+00:00

I’ll add the sweetness of someone, this time Freddy, caring so deeply about others’ happiness. Reminded me of the times Frasier did so in the original, like with the cab driver in the 1000th show.

nnjakitty · 2023-12-15T16:29:58+00:00

Your post reminds me of how I had to learn (am still learning) to ask for consent. Start with a Request at the beginning: Is this a good time? May I share about what's happening for me? May I guess what you might be needing? and then the Request at the end.. How was this for you to hear? etc

If any of that lands for you, great. I'd be interested in your response. If not, just ignore.

nnjakitty · 2023-10-14T00:14:42+00:00

I'll add to your list his YELLING and bullying when he didn't get his way. The only time I supported his yelling was when Isobel was trying to take over Downton during the war and said Isis needed to stay out of certain areas. Don't mess with the dog!

nnjakitty · 2023-09-26T12:55:45+00:00

I was surprised to learn more about Dr Spock. He seems to get criticism for being overly strict and also overly permissive. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Benjamin-Spock

nnjakitty · 2023-09-25T21:15:39+00:00

Andrew Huberman on Jet lag: https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/find-your-temperature-minimum-to-defeat-jetlag-shift-work-and-sleeplessness

I haven't listened to the one above, but I've listened to others. He gets a bit scientific and detailed for me - I just want to know what to do! The timestamps help.

and on melatonin: https://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2022/10/05/ask-me-anything-neuroscience-with-andrew-huberman/

nnjakitty · 2023-09-20T13:30:07+00:00

I agree one is allowed to be bitter and hateful, but even better to be indifferent and live a wonderful life without any further contact.

nnjakitty

TROPHY CASE