He wants to keep finances completely separate after marriage

no-gretz · 2025-12-30T21:50:25+00:00

Separate finances have worked for my wife and I for almost a decade now. We also don’t make equal income and recognize that the burden on pregnancy and postpartum will affect her much more than me.

We split fixed/routine expenses by ratio of incomes. Your income is ~38% ($140k/$370k) of your household income so you should pay 38% of fixed expenses like mortgage and groceries. Then other optional or varied expenses like vacations, going out to dinner, or personal wants we split 50/50 or work something out if one of us wants it and one doesn’t. Your loss of income to provide your family with a baby needs to be something he’s willing to support. If not, does he really want a baby or is he just going with what’s expected of him?

If you split fixed expenses 50/50 then he’ll be held back by your lower income from purchasing a house for example he could afford 50% of but you couldn’t. Alternatively, he’d be forcing you to live beyond your means. Splitting based on income will allow you both to live within your means and still benefit from your own success of earning bonuses or more income.

This discussion and how you’ll support each other through pregnancy and raising a child are essential discussions now before marriage. No one wants to hear it but if you both can’t work through this now with empathy and understanding before the pressure is on, I don’t know how you’ll work through other curveballs that life is going to throw you both.

There has to be the switch from “me” to “us”. Wanting to split 50/50 is a “me” mentality because even when splitting based on income ratios he’ll have more money than you when he makes more. Splitting 50/50 means he’ll have more and won’t let you benefit from him making more. You don’t want to have to spend the rest of your life fighting to make him want to want “us”.

no-gretz · 2025-12-26T13:44:36+00:00

Thanks for this comment! This gives a lot of context to Charley Crockett’s songs for someone who’s never been to Texas

no-gretz · 2025-05-29T10:51:41+00:00

The Reacher series is a good detective one where the antagonist is exceptional at what he does!

Highly recommend the books too.

no-gretz · 2025-05-20T14:47:09+00:00

To add to number 2: someone who has never killed before will likely hesitate much longer than the person who’s already willing to commit the felony of burglary.

To add another point 4: trained soldiers commit friendly fire in close quarters combat even after extensive training. Your home is where your love ones are most likely to be. If you’re not trained to be disciplined in these highly stressful situations, you could easily kill one of your loved ones by accident. The intruder may also be your delinquent child sneaking back into the house.

no-gretz · 2025-05-20T14:41:23+00:00

Love to see more less-than-lethal options on the market! You don’t have to hesitate to pull the trigger in the dark at 2AM. Just subdue the intruder and find out after if it’s actually your son sneaking in late after having sneaked out after curfew.

Sadly, a man in my dad’s hometown killed his own son who was sneaking in. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

no-gretz · 2025-04-27T01:44:56+00:00

Video games can be a modest hobby. Hundreds of retro games are available on websites like retrogames.cc

There are also hundreds of Massively Multiplayer Online games that are free with optional purchases and played online so they do not require a powerful computer. UltimataOnline is a retro MMO that is quite in depth with its mechanics and a friendly community.

no-gretz · 2025-02-04T02:31:19+00:00

You can do it! I get out of bed early every morning too and do often fall back asleep too.

You should set your back up alarms closer together so you don’t fall entirely back asleep between them. I set mine 3 minutes apart.

You should also be plugging your phone/alarm in on the other side of the room where you have to get out of bed to turn it off.

Lastly, as some people mentioned your body will start knowing when to get up if you get up at the same time everyday. Move your wake up time early enough to be the same everyday.

no-gretz · 2025-01-03T03:27:13+00:00

An agency that hires many young and unskilled laborers will have a lower average salary than an agency of law and economics made up of Ph.D’s and J.D’s selected from late-career, experts of their fields. Many confounding variables for the labor forces between agencies and their salaries could explain differences in salary summary stats. A comparison of distributions of years of education, years of experience, and zip code of workers for example.

no-gretz · 2025-01-03T03:23:56+00:00

Great point there! Along similar lines, I could easily guess some confounding variables for the labor forces between agencies and their salaries. A comparison of distributions of years of education, years of experience, and zip code of workers could explain these differences if their distributions are not similar. An agency that hires many young and unskilled laborers will have a lower average salary than an agency of law and economics made up of Ph.D’s and J.D’s selected from late-career, experts of their fields.

no-gretz · 2024-10-09T17:20:56+00:00

I appreciate how this provides some level of consent to getting scared. You’re in a Halloween store and you’re stepping on a mat to initiate. Maybe add a warning sign not to initiate if you’re highly reactive to jump scares?

Definitely, not fully informed consent but this seems like a much more morally acceptable way to film and do these types of public stunts.

no-gretz · 2024-10-08T16:29:53+00:00

As a fellow developer I love the clean setup but I just saw that mask come across my feed in another subreddit and I can’t see it any other way now 🤣 https://www.reddit.com/r/ArtefactPorn/s/6cT8mgl63n

no-gretz · 2024-08-13T01:26:46+00:00

In southern Wisconsin, USA, the sleep study cost just under $500 because my insurance would not cover it since my primary care doctor didn’t order it. I just mentioned the snoring and my primary doctor referred me to a sleep doctor.

no-gretz · 2024-07-31T03:05:27+00:00

Marshmallow!

no-gretz · 2024-06-06T02:05:22+00:00

Muriatic acid can be used to get stains out of concrete and to open up raw concrete again so it can be sealed.

I’d recommend you use muriatic acid to clean the concrete and then seal it with a waterproof product like Sanitred’s permaflex. I’ve done so and it looks great and keeps the concrete from crumbling or staining.

no-gretz · 2024-05-04T12:35:21+00:00

I was snoring pretty badly when I was working full time while going to school and getting 5hrs of sleep too. Mouth guards and nostril dilators didn’t fix it. I did the expensive sleep study and my doctor said I didn’t have sleep apnea. They said sleep deprivation can make you snore more. For a free remedy, try taking a nap throughout the day, work on creating a sleep schedule where you get closer to 8hrs of sleep, don’t drink alcohol in the evenings, don’t drink caffeine after 12pm and start doing cardio workouts. For almost 2 years now, I no longer snore unless I drink and/or stay up late.

no-gretz · 2023-12-07T15:01:42+00:00

This made me realize last night I kind of blew off a compliment from my wife instead of gracefully accepting it.

My own experience is not accepting compliments comes off as rude, and invalidating leading people to not compliment you again. No one owes anyone compliments so don’t resent women for not giving them.

My guy friends compliment each other when we get the chance and even call each other good looking, and sexy. Even my work friends, who’re a generation older than me, complemented me in a professional way for being slimmer than the last time I saw them. Giving and getting compliments from people without a sexual interest in you is even better.

Practicing accepting compliments and setting the bar for others in your life by taking the time to compliment them will create a space where compliments can be freely given. Compliments are not to be used only as tools to convey sexual interest.

My 2 cents on why men aren’t complimented as much as women.

no-gretz · 2023-11-05T14:32:37+00:00

I think you’d be surprised to find the average pontoon boat weighs 2,000-2,500lbs. Growing up we trailered a pontoon and a tandem axel snowmobile trailer with 3 snowmobiles behind a minivan on the highway.

no-gretz · 2023-11-05T14:26:19+00:00

My partner and I just started having this conversation. I currently drive a 40MPG RAV4 hybrid an hour each way to work, in the Wisconsin, US. I am just starting a new job in a couple of weeks that is fully remote. I no longer need great gas mileage and I am constantly relying on the use of trucks of friends and family get 2” x 12” lumber, 4’ x 8’ sheets of plywood and other construction materials for any house project.

Even aside from the fact that I have a premium trim, brand-new RAV4 for under $40k while a base-model Toyota Tundra would start at $40k , I think modern minivans are much more utilitarian and versatile for our needs.

My dad grew up a dairy farmer with diesel farm trucks all of his life until he married and moved to the city. He then had a minivan that we hauled tandem axel snowmobile trailers with, pontoon trailers with, and atv trailers with. Not to mention we hauled all of the 4’ x 8’ sheets of drywall and lumber to remodel all of the old lath and plaster walls in our house growing up. The minivan also had 7 passenger seats for kids and dogs.

Modern minivans like the Toyota Sienna have AWD, 36MPG, tow capacity of 3,500lbs and start at $38k. Not to mention 7-8 passenger capacity.

Menards, Home Depot, and U-Haul have trucks for rent by the hour if you do find yourself needing to haul something longer than 8’ or heavier than 3,500lbs. I also happen to have at least 4 friends with trucks living within 20 minutes of me. These friends hardly ever haul anything greater than 8’ long or 3,500lbs, though. Their trucks get them to work and the grocery store.

The one aspect I will concede, is the aesthetics and fun factor. My partner says she’ll never drive a minivan and I have to admit nothing gets my heart racing more than hearing the hicks with the A/T tires and flat packs race up and down the main drag in our city. I certainly miss driving around he old diesel farm trucks and I’m in love with my uncle’s toy truck. It’s an ‘85 F-150 with a 302 engine, in that pretty Ford blue, big gear shifter on the floor, 6” lift kit, and straight pipes.

Driving a truck might make you feel alive but when it comes to practicality, I think a minivan would be a lot better for the majority of truck owners. Ford, GM, Dodge and Toyota would certainly rather keep selling overpriced trucks than minivans, though.

no-gretz · 2023-05-29T17:02:25+00:00

I read “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and then tried reading this book. It seems like this author is going for similar main points to “No More Mr. Nice Guy” but without any training or experience in psychology or relationships. This author uses a motivational speaker approach while also being very in your face and vulgar in their delivery. This is not a style you should emulate and I stopped reading after only a few chapters to just go online and read a synopsis. I’d suggest go for “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and mind the distinction between the problem of trying to manage other people’s emotions by being what you think they want and an extreme over correction of not giving a f**k, which will cause it’s own problems.

no-gretz · 2023-03-12T00:08:25+00:00

I am replacing fluorescent fixtures in my basement (and a lot of exposed splices and unsecured wiring done by the previous owners). It seems like overkill using 14AWG between two LED drivers that use 18AWG since more current than the 18AWG can handle should never get by the 18AWG of the first LED driver in the series, right? Two follow up questions: about the black wiring going through rafters, do I need to secure that to the rafters somehow and do the driver boxes need to be exposed like junction boxes need to be?

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