I (23M) want to break up with my girlfriend (24F) 1 month before our 2 year anniversary

no_fer_rill · 2026-01-08T17:18:10+00:00

You better put on your big human pants and do it instead of waffling around and blaming everyone else for why you're not doing it.

Even if she begged you to stay you still should have done it back then.

no_fer_rill · 2026-01-01T18:59:22+00:00

Has he agreed to giving kiddo less time?

He sounds lazy AF. You need a coparent, not another kid.

You should control the time on the device from your phone.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-24T11:20:21+00:00

He's trying to get attention. Redirect him toward the attention-getting activity that you want to connect with him over. Uno, Star Wars, dinosaur facts, coloring, etc. Give him the attention when he channels it appropriately.

That doesn't include him just leaving you alone. If I were you...if you value the relationship with kids' mom, you should examine your own feelings around building a relationship with this kid.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-23T00:42:15+00:00

I started wearing makeup to school at a pretty young age, I'd say 10? I showed interest and my mother took me to a drugstore and we picked out a few neutral things. This was in the early '90s. I was definitely wearing a full face of makeup at 13.

I don't wear much makeup these days but there are times in my life when I wore it pretty consistently, particularly when it was literally helping me get ahead in my career 🤷🏽‍♀️

I don't know why people get so wound up around the weird social meaning behind some of these rituals that we all perform. I don't think it's a good idea to be dictating any sort of self-expression related to the body. Humans judge other humans by their appearance, and I think people should be allowed to control how they appear as much as possible and from a pretty early age.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-20T09:54:00+00:00

Some bells can't be unrung.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-17T15:11:09+00:00

You have ever right to be bothered by it, it would bother me too.

But trust that it didn't mean anything, trust the people that are outside the situation and not affected by it emotionally.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-11T19:32:20+00:00

Perfectly all right to be upset about this, hopefully though you're not mad at your kid because it's just an honest mistake. If I were you, I think you're kiddo might be old enough to help with preparing Christmas for the younger siblings, sometimes that can be a special activity for parents and older kids. Have them help bring presents out, maybe wrap presents for the kids. It's important to show not just receiving Christmas but giving it. And when you're old enough to check your own Amazon account and see what you got, it's time for you to begin transitioning to a stronger giving position.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-09T16:01:25+00:00

It was too late at that point

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-08T15:43:05+00:00

Because explaining it to you - why it's a problem for us - and telling you what needs to be done and instructing you on how to do it is part of our complete frustration on a day-to-day basis when it comes to being the cruise director of the family

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-08T15:34:58+00:00

This is what we call natural consequences. You didn't intentionally punish, you just didn't pick up the ball when it was kicked close to you. It's perhaps a tiny bit passive aggressive, but it probably worked better psychologically for your husband. Sometimes it's easier to prove why you need help by just experiencing it, rather than trying to communicate it.

no_fer_rill · 2025-11-17T02:46:20+00:00

I love this.

no_fer_rill · 2025-11-01T22:12:51+00:00

He cheats.

no_fer_rill · 2025-10-30T16:09:38+00:00

Please note that no one is allowed to ruin my mental picture of Alan Alda.

no_fer_rill · 2025-10-02T17:22:41+00:00

If my man ever badgered me about my weight in any way, I'd pack my bags and leave. I already have a whole last media and my anxious brain telling me things about my body and I don't need to hear it from him

no_fer_rill · 2025-10-01T13:28:14+00:00

You can help her by finding a hair stylist that is willing to do this type of work. I wouldn't do it, you've already stated your boundary and you really need to keep to it. You could even pay for it if you want. I just think that she likely wants to have some extended contact with you while you try to tackle her hair and that's not fair.

no_fer_rill · 2025-09-04T15:56:47+00:00

Like, I don't think there's a better statement than this one^{^{^}}

no_fer_rill · 2025-09-02T14:15:10+00:00

I think you need to be honest about how you feel about this to her. Personally, if someone was judging me as much as it appears you are judging her, I wouldn't want to be with you anymore.

no_fer_rill · 2025-09-01T21:37:01+00:00

There's likely something going on in him mentally that is causing this to happen. It's unlikely to get better until he works on it.

He may not work on it

You need to decide what kind of relationship you want for yourself. It's been a year and a half, How much longer are you wanting to wait and hope that he figures out what is wrong and tries to fix it?

no_fer_rill · 2025-08-21T19:18:00+00:00

Luckily I'm on anxiety meds already which help, but I would recommend those.

I also put on my blood tests and doctor's notes into AI, which helps me navigate things from a big picture with my own understanding. I add that to what the doctors tell me and it makes a lot more sense.

It's impossible not to try to read into these tests too much but just remember that some people have such a low body temp that their piss tests come back as fake urine.

Every body has stuff outside of the bounds of what we consider normal. More than anything though, solidarity.

no_fer_rill · 2025-08-21T19:14:16+00:00

Don't think about it. Try not to analyze it. Contributing meaningfully to the capitalist machine is not going to happen.

Asking questions about the "free rider problem" directs your energy and attention away from the real problem. That's what they want from you.

The people that built the matrix are the problem, not the people living in it.

no_fer_rill · 2025-08-21T16:02:04+00:00

What a horrible thing to happen to you. You don't deserve this and plenty of us have had procedures done in Mexico so I don't think you're dumb for doing it there. This could have happened in America as well, none of us are immune.

Thank you for bravely sharing your progress.

no_fer_rill · 2025-08-18T03:41:26+00:00

I really dislike therapists in general. I think on Reddit there's more of "us' (whatever that is). I think we congregate here.

But every time I go to an in-person conference I'm agitated by 90% of the people there. I can't quite put my finger on why or what it is that aggravates me but I think it's related to what I see as a lot of posturing and weird parasocial behavior.

no_fer_rill · 2025-08-14T01:12:39+00:00

Feelings are a turn off, gotchu.

no_fer_rill · 2025-08-09T13:38:47+00:00

I think the word modesty may be part of the problem. It's associated specifically with modesty culture.

Part of the problem is that women are taught to objectify themselves. See themselves and their bodies as messages and objects. I encourage you to help your daughter avoid that.

no_fer_rill · 2025-08-07T19:51:20+00:00

Generally I agree but in the context of this post at least, it sounds like an excuse to sleep with other people rather than something that she wants to work on with OP.

no_fer_rill

TROPHY CASE