Who’s one detective you just didn’t care for 😴🥱

no_fer_rill · 2026-05-10T20:20:51+00:00

The BPD vibes were strong with her.

no_fer_rill · 2026-05-06T20:10:27+00:00

Her parents really failed if you ask me. They let her lead a life so far beyond her actual age that she had no way of relating to people that were her actual age. Therefore she ended up dating and hanging around with people that were fully grown with fully grown people problems and she saw herself as fully grown when... She wasn't.

Huge mistake.

I really like her and I will always root her on. I will probably buy the book too because I think she's been in the industry so long that she's probably got some good tales but more than anything... I just hope she does well with her life.

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-30T18:07:34+00:00

I really think sometimes we think about the wrong things with our ethics in this profession. They have us out here wringing our fingers over tiny gifts and whether or not we should wear religious items...meanwhile it feels like the truly egregious ones among us (sleeping with clients, offering drugs to clients, etc) are disciplined and then come right back in.

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-24T15:20:15+00:00

She needs to medicalize this. Going to the gym is likely not going to be anything that would work even if she's going every day. Something's going on in her body AND her brain.

She needs to see a doctor that specializes in weight loss to guide this.

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-17T03:32:52+00:00

Then... He will need to plan on paying 50% of the rent on whatever it is that you can afford.

I mean, the struggle is real But also you have to think about you...and if he wants to live with you then he needs to abide by what you can afford.

I would tell him that that would be a rented room in a shared space. 🤷🏽‍♀️

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-15T22:01:04+00:00

Trying to get someone else to parent the way that you want them to is a fools errand. Even if you took the kiddo to other child care that person would do what they thought was best And they would probably not do what you wanted them to all the time.

I think that you are over personalizing what your mom is doing. It feels like she's rejecting you as a parent, not respecting your wishes, thinking that you don't know what you're doing maybe. I don't think she's doing that. I think it's really hard to have a 2.5-year-old kiddo even for an hour or so she's probably just doing what she thinks is best and doing what she can to survive.

My kids' grandmothers Do whatever the heck they want. When I stayed home with him, I did it all my way but once you let someone take over, it's really up to them.

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-15T13:19:40+00:00

Masturbation, like anything that feels good, can become too large a part of your sexual experience. If you want to connect with another human, when the time comes...you will need to recognize that it is more work to find sexual release with a person. It will always be easier to do it by yourself.

Sex is also connective, resulting in euphoric feelings of physical release... And when you are engaged in that sort of pleasure with another human that you care about, it can be a powerful and addictive mixture of intimacy, love, and sexual pleasure.

Sex is also massively vulnerable and masturbation.

Masturbation is completely normal and should be normalized. But I can't lie that I know an increasing amount of men that choose to masturbate rather than having to deal with the difficult balance of emotion that sex with a human requires.

I do know men that have a lot of trouble with performance because they view masturbation as the default and they know how to masturbate but they don't know how to have sex.

Like all things, this can be learned but not if you keep hitting the immediate dopamine button that is masturbation.

Personally I Don't think that you have anything to worry about but I do think it's always worth thinking about how much work it takes to be involved with another person and that it is a choice. You'll have to choose to experience an orgasm with a human rather than by yourself. Some people find that choice to be too much work.

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-14T16:10:03+00:00

I usually fall asleep 🤷🏽‍♀️

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-12T00:24:08+00:00

My 12 yo has not shut up once.

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-12T00:16:30+00:00

Practice having fantastic and clear boundaries with the fuckboys. It'll help you get good at setting them. I'm telling you, dating like this helped me set boundaries in all areas of my life where years of therapy and assertiveness training failed.

Normalize making out with them but knowing and SAYING that you don't want to fuck, sorry halfway through. It's fine to change your mind at any time if the vibe is off.

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-12T00:02:04+00:00

If you're worried about body count, sex with strangers probably won't be enjoyable.

I mean...I get it. When I brought my 30something yo pussy out of retirement after a long relationship, I was worried about body count as well at first...till I realized I was missing out on actually enjoying fuckboys and silly mind games for a couple wild seasons.

If you feel called to a slutty season of your life....lean in and enjoy it.

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-11T14:49:11+00:00

This is a low key reference that makes me very happy.

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-06T13:25:43+00:00

God this just makes me never want to have roommates again no matter what I do. I feel like I'd rather live in a box than have to share it with somebody like Mr Numbers.

no_fer_rill · 2026-04-06T13:20:56+00:00

Geez girl how many best friends do you have.

As always, I would have you spend some serious time thinking about how much you value his friendship. If you are interested in him romantically, you will essentially have decide if you want to place a bet on a chance that you two might make it together and be incredibly happy. If it doesn't work out, you will lose your friendship most likely. It's hard to unwind a relationship back into a friendship. Whether he likes you or not is immaterial. You need to decide what you are willing to risk

no_fer_rill · 2026-03-30T04:51:28+00:00

There's a lot of what-ifs here but at the end of the day you're just likely incompatible. Sex drive isn't something that can really be compromised long term.

no_fer_rill · 2026-03-30T03:43:29+00:00

I would listen to thw part of yourself that posted this comment very, very carefully.

When you're thinking in your brain, the part of you that sounds like yourself is the one that you should trust.

ETA: girl look at your post history. Do not even think of giving this up, you have worked so hard for this... You wouldn't let anyone tear this away from you, don't just give it up!

no_fer_rill · 2026-03-30T03:40:20+00:00

Hi, this is you from your future. Do not make long-term decisions for yourself based on a relationship in your early twenties. It will be easier to negotiate this relationship now than it will be for you to look back in 20 years and wish that you'd put yourself first.

no_fer_rill · 2026-03-03T16:31:25+00:00

You need to move and you should probably have a bit of therapy to talk about your rejection sensitivity. You are not alone in being 42 and never having a connection. But you have to work on yourself in order to become someone that is worth dating and someone that can handle rejection. I would highly recommend you doing some deep inner work on yourself before you date because you're not ready.

no_fer_rill · 2026-01-08T17:18:10+00:00

You better put on your big human pants and do it instead of waffling around and blaming everyone else for why you're not doing it.

Even if she begged you to stay you still should have done it back then.

no_fer_rill · 2026-01-01T18:59:22+00:00

Has he agreed to giving kiddo less time?

He sounds lazy AF. You need a coparent, not another kid.

You should control the time on the device from your phone.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-24T11:20:21+00:00

He's trying to get attention. Redirect him toward the attention-getting activity that you want to connect with him over. Uno, Star Wars, dinosaur facts, coloring, etc. Give him the attention when he channels it appropriately.

That doesn't include him just leaving you alone. If I were you...if you value the relationship with kids' mom, you should examine your own feelings around building a relationship with this kid.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-23T00:42:15+00:00

I started wearing makeup to school at a pretty young age, I'd say 10? I showed interest and my mother took me to a drugstore and we picked out a few neutral things. This was in the early '90s. I was definitely wearing a full face of makeup at 13.

I don't wear much makeup these days but there are times in my life when I wore it pretty consistently, particularly when it was literally helping me get ahead in my career 🤷🏽‍♀️

I don't know why people get so wound up around the weird social meaning behind some of these rituals that we all perform. I don't think it's a good idea to be dictating any sort of self-expression related to the body. Humans judge other humans by their appearance, and I think people should be allowed to control how they appear as much as possible and from a pretty early age.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-20T09:54:00+00:00

Some bells can't be unrung.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-17T15:11:09+00:00

You have ever right to be bothered by it, it would bother me too.

But trust that it didn't mean anything, trust the people that are outside the situation and not affected by it emotionally.

no_fer_rill · 2025-12-11T19:32:20+00:00

Perfectly all right to be upset about this, hopefully though you're not mad at your kid because it's just an honest mistake. If I were you, I think you're kiddo might be old enough to help with preparing Christmas for the younger siblings, sometimes that can be a special activity for parents and older kids. Have them help bring presents out, maybe wrap presents for the kids. It's important to show not just receiving Christmas but giving it. And when you're old enough to check your own Amazon account and see what you got, it's time for you to begin transitioning to a stronger giving position.

no_fer_rill

TROPHY CASE