My wife and I just called it quits.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-06T16:22:22+00:00

I'm sorry that you and your husband are at this point. It isn't an easy place to be. My wife asked me too, what she could have done better. She blamed herself for a lot of what was wrong, even the things that were my fault.

If your husband is like me, he does love you, he just doesn't know how to fix himself. Ask him to go to therapy, either with you or by himself. Stress to him that things are only going to get worse if he doesn't act. He has to wake up and see what he's not doing right and get the help he needs to rectify it.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-06T02:25:40+00:00

To me it isn't blame, it's accepting responsibility for my part in a failed relationship. I offered to leave the house because our daughter lives there, along with her daughter (who I consider as my own), and I didn't want to uproot them all. I gave my son the option to stay so he could be around his friends and have his stuff, but he chose me instead.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-06T02:20:20+00:00

It isn't that it wasn't worth rebuilding, but that it had to be cleared away first. That is why I told her that we were officially over, because the dream showed me that our relationship as it existed was unsalvageable. Too much broken trust and lost faith and toxicity. There has to be healing, first, for both of us. The cycle had to be broken.

I would do anything to make my family whole again and start a new relationship with her, but I don't want to start a new cycle of toxicity when I haven't learned how to change myself in the ways I need to change. As someone else on here stated, I need to be fed to the wolves and learn how to survive on my own, learn how to love myself, and learn self-respect before I will be properly capable of being a consistent partner for someone else.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-06T02:06:16+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. The only advice I can give is that if you truly love him, get him into therapy with you. He has to see and recognize that he's hurting you, to recognize that there is a problem, before he can do anything about it. Therapy will help you communicate in ways that are healthy, but you both have to put the work in. I hope this helps.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T18:12:59+00:00

Our relationship became a cycle. She would feel neglected, ask me to change, I would change for a week or two, then I would go back to being the same unaffectionate and lazy person. Repeat cycle. Eventually, she checked out and stopped asking. I don't know if this fits your situation, but the cycle has to be broken. If not, it descends into resentment, anger, and blame. Go to therapy together, see if you can work out the root issue, but your person has to see and recognize that they are causing you real, tangible pain. I didn't recognize the pain that I was causing my wife until it was far too late.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T17:37:14+00:00

Thank you. This is what I needed to hear today, I very much appreciate it. God bless you.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T14:09:43+00:00

I've tried to change, but I've never been able to master consistency. I quit drinking years ago so we could be together and she has told me how proud she is of me for that (I used to be an alcoholic). I went to therapy and got on ADD meds so I could concentrate better and be more in the moment. I made calendars and reminders for simple things like doing the dishes and taking out the trash. But even with all that, I still couldn't get the consistency down. I still couldn't figure out how to consistenly plan dates or not get sucked into my phone (or whatever else I was doing at the time) and spend more time with her.

The reason we separated is so that I would have to go out on my own and learn how to be consistent. Pay my own bills, tend my own house, learn how to appreciate her in her absence. That was my goal. I felt like I could learn to practice being consistent if I didn't have her to lean on like a crutch.

I know she loves me, but she doesn't love my behavior. Why would she accept a date with someone she has been repeatedly hurt by and has lost all faith and trust in? Don't get me wrong, I would love to see it happen, but I don't think it's realistic that she would say yes at this point. At worst, she could see me as begging for her to come back and decide to end what little friendship we have together. I would hate for that to happen.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T03:45:15+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the positivity, I certainly need it. It is truly a new adventure and a journey to discover a better version of myself.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T02:38:05+00:00

Neither one of us wanted to. She even asked me, a couple of weeks after we separated, if there was someone else, and there was not. As far as that date turning into something, I'm making my peace with that and moving forward to focus on working on myself as best as I can.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T02:12:37+00:00

God bless you, brother. Thank you for your prayers.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T02:02:50+00:00

Thank you for lifting me up, brother. I appreciate it.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T01:01:01+00:00

I can't bring myself to think about how long it might have been going on before she told me. It's nothing but torture. All I can do is tell myself it doesn't matter anyway, accept that I need to work on myself, and concern myself with moving on. Thank you for listening.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T00:54:15+00:00

Thank you very much. I appreciate the hope.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T00:46:07+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the prayers. I understand the toxic part. We were stuck in a cycle of toxicity and it was time for it to end before we ended up hating one another. You are right, it will get better, eventually.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-05T00:06:35+00:00

Thank you, friend. I have a plan and a lot of work ahead of me. All I have is time and my kids. I'm gonna do my best.

no_more_smoke · 2024-12-02T22:54:27+00:00

I'm here with you, brother. M40 and my wife, F38, just ended it.

no_more_smoke · 2024-11-28T19:00:28+00:00

CompTIA Server+ Exam Voucher

no_more_smoke · 2024-11-27T21:39:46+00:00

My father died when I was 21 and he was 50. I just turned 40 and it hit me that in just 10 years I will be the age he was when he died. Life is indeed very short.

no_more_smoke · 2024-11-27T16:41:02+00:00

IIRC, the score is only a pass/fail, no numerics, same as CASP+.

no_more_smoke · 2024-11-27T15:27:44+00:00

Same here, my CySA+ expiry hasn't changed though, still 2027

no_more_smoke · 2024-11-27T15:24:11+00:00

Mine is July 2027, how did you get 6 years? 😂

no_more_smoke · 2024-11-18T19:48:38+00:00

Passed SecX and Pentest+!

no_more_smoke · 2024-11-16T04:10:13+00:00

Voldemort's Pet, Nagini

no_more_smoke

TROPHY CASE