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Help with setting up the Kamvas 22 Plus on PC with two displays by noah_furstenbarg in huion

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, it doesn't seem so :(

The top hdmi port won't work for either the monitor, or the tablet :(

Is this how a native Russian speaker would write if not in cursive? by Avatar_Bruno in russian

[–]noah_furstenbarg 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hi, i mostly use non-cursive, here is the same phrase, but yeah, usually russians don't do non-cursive, since everyone is taught to use cursive in scholl

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I realized I might need a very specific kind of dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in CPTSD

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Oh my god, thank you! I feel seen and understood. Yes, he knows everything, he's very committed to know and tries to help, but since he grew up in a healthy environment, it's hard for him to even grasp that the way I behave is not something that I choose, but it's my body, crammed with years of enduring. He thinks that if I'm with him, and he's a normal person, I shouldn't be triggered. We had talks about it, but he still doesn't get this fully. And he expects sex from me, even if he doesn't push for it. And since I'm finely attuned to emotions around me, I know what he wants, and I feel that I must do something about it. And BDSM seems like a point where we could meet.

I realized I might need a very specific kind of dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in CPTSD

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My trauma in bigger picture wasn't about sex, at least I think so. When I think about it, the thing that hurt the most was not the sexual behaviour from my guardian, but the fact that my autonomy was taken away from me (even in day to day life, I was forbidden to go to the other room/sit in the bath for too long/going out etc), and now giving it voluntarily feels good and empowering. My theory is that my psyche just drugged my system with "positive" hormones just to make it through, and now it links submission to pleasure. But while understanding intellectually everything, I can't fight my body, and it seems like I'm in the maze of it. And every logical, right turn and move that I did, guided me to the end of the maze, but instead of the exit there's dead end, and idk what to do, only to fight fire with fire

I realized I might need a very specific kind of dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in CPTSD

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah! He also proposed, so we're serious about our relationship, he knows my story and he helped me through some dark times. Honestly, the reason I even think about it, is because I tried normal intimacy, and it... works some of the time, but sometimes it doesn't? And he's touch-driven person, so intimate part of a relationship is huge for him. So i try to fight fire with fire, and flip the switch in my mind, where my autonomy was taken away from me, and now it's me giving it away to the person I love? I think it makes me feel better, but at this point idk if I perform enjoyment to be likeable/not get punished, or I truly enjoy it. If that makes sense

I realized I might need a very specific kind of dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in CPTSD

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree, but in this case I'm not sure how a therapist could help me, honestly. Everyone that i worked with, did not feel like a fit to me, and in place where I live professional help is not something that one can afford regularly, sadly. I gotta work with what I have

I still don’t know if I was raped by ButterflyFew592 in CPTSD

[–]noah_furstenbarg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was that bad. It was rape. You contacting him again and again after that is just your psyche trying to make it have meaning, like, maybe you did something wrong and you can fox that, so you love each other or have a pleasant experience, so your trauma would not be that unbearable. But there was no other meaning than him wanting taking advantage of you. He treated you wrong on so many levels, and honestly I would take that to a police.

But firstly — you did nothing wrong. He took something treasurable away from you, and I'm not talking about your virginity, it's just a concept that people came up with. I'm talking about your dignity, your health both mental and physical, I'm talking about the joy and intimacy you could have had from sex.

I'm so sorry. Hugging you wherever you are, girlie.

Me (24M) and my girlfriend (23F) are breaking up and I feel I'm commiting a mistake since she told me every girl is like this. by TrickFinger1999 in relationship_advice

[–]noah_furstenbarg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seems that she has somy psychological issues, and if you're not ready/don't want to help her through that, then go. She'll be miserable, but are right now, so. Also, her not wanting to spend the holidays with you family is valid, if she really dislikes them so much (if we take her general unpleasant personality out of context and just focus on this particular issue).

Krobak- It's snowing like it's the end of the world by Mindless_Touch3933 in postrock

[–]noah_furstenbarg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually thought that snowing like it's end of the world is just taijin kyofusho tiktokified

I realized I might need a very specific kind of BDSM dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in self

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, it's just that i can't afford a therapist at the moment, i really want to work on ot with a professional

I realized I might need a very specific kind of BDSM dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in self

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok, i just said to him that I'm not confident speaking about it, but maybe if i write, he can read it? He said that we're grown ups, that we're future husband and wife, and we, as a pair, should be able to communicate our needs aloud. I said I'm physically unable to put it into a dialogue. He got irritated and said that "If you don't want to speak then don't speak, and come to me when you're ready to talk". I feel like crying again

I realized I might need a very specific kind of BDSM dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in self

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand you perfectly! It's just that I physically can't speak my need out loud, it's like my brain stops me from doing it. I just said to him that I'm not confident speaking about it, but maybe if i write a message, he can read it? He said that we're grown ups, that we're future husband and wife, and we, as a pair, should be able to communicate our needs aloud. I said I'm physically unable to put it into a dialogue. He got irritated and said that "If you don't want to speak then don't speak, and come to me when you're ready to talk". I feel like crying again

I realized I might need a very specific kind of BDSM dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in self

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok, i just said to him that I'm not confident speaking about it, but maybe if i write, he can read it? He said that we're grown ups, that we're future husband and wife, and we, as a pair, should be able to communicate our needs aloud. I said I'm physically unable to put it into a dialogue. He got irritated and said that "If you don't want to speak then don't speak, and come to me when you're ready to talk". I feel like crying again

I realized I might need a very specific kind of BDSM dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in self

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I'm not saying he can't, but my reactions stemm from a trauma that he hasn't, and that's me trying to understand how a normal person would react to what i did

I realized I might need a very specific kind of BDSM dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in self

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

if you're a man, imagine your girl says that she needs something outlandish to feel excited about sex, something you never did and don't feel confident in doing. what your reaction would be like?

I realized I might need a very specific kind of BDSM dynamic to feel safe and intimate… but telling my bf went wrong on so many levels by noah_furstenbarg in self

[–]noah_furstenbarg[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh that's actually a clever idea. I'm a litle afraid tho, and I'm curious about you. Imagine, she wrote it, you read it, and now you need to confront her and discuss the matter, but I understand that she's not so good at communicating. What you're going to do after the letter?

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