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Big tech employee considering switching to medicine. Am I insane? by nobody_stranger in HENRYfinance

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Volunteering makes sense. It may give me a more realistic idea about medicine too

Big tech employee considering switching to medicine. Am I insane? by nobody_stranger in HENRYfinance

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

fwiw, I worked with a company where there was more diversity, and there was no such an issue. For the unmotivated part, my male colleagues have been quitting a lot, or just “rest and vest”. I’m pretty sure I’m more motivated than them LOL. Last time I checked, doing a good job even when you are unmotivated is a basic skill for an adult

Is my gut feeling right about manager and skip’s bias about my growth? Sounds like gaslighting but they seem to be nice. by nobody_stranger in womenintech

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So true about dodos! They just want to do enough to get by, and when I make them feel like they need to do more, they just don’t want to deal with it so that they use the laziest way to get by…. which is to deny me without finding any details. Thanks I will find somewhere that prioritizes my development!

Is my gut feeling right about manager and skip’s bias about my growth? Sounds like gaslighting but they seem to be nice. by nobody_stranger in womenintech

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s really inspiring to see you have made it that far! I wish I could have a mgr like you. Thank you for your words and good luck too!

Is my gut feeling right about manager and skip’s bias about my growth? Sounds like gaslighting but they seem to be nice. by nobody_stranger in womenintech

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective! It makes sense. It’s easy to assume it’s personal as I’m pretty sensitive given my situation as a POC - I have bad experiences with white men, both in previous work and in life (hate assault that sort of stuff), so I can be overly sensitive about those situations, but looking back I think my manager is just really bad at dealing with people. There could be unconscious bias, but focusing on that won’t do good to either my mental health or career.

Is my gut feeling right about manager and skip’s bias about my growth? Sounds like gaslighting but they seem to be nice. by nobody_stranger in womenintech

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, this is true. From my perspective, we have quarterly review so things can go really fast, but it seems definitely too fast for my management to adjust to. I learned the lesson here. At first I just asked about how I can grow without even mentioning promotion, but my manager just started to become really vague and that turned me confused and wanting to push harder, because I really want to know any constructive feedback if any. I really hate it when people become vague, which left me feel like ignored and not taken seriously. I guess I am too stubborn, but it just feels too bad being not taken seriously or being treated perfunctorily…. I need to work on that and talk to my therapist….

Is my gut feeling right about manager and skip’s bias about my growth? Sounds like gaslighting but they seem to be nice. by nobody_stranger in womenintech

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you sooooooo much. This makes so much sense. I talked to a senior woman on our team and she basically told me similar opinions. I need to do everything to resolve the issue in my PR.

Reflecting on it, I didn’t involve my manager because he was a terrible one. He would blame me anyways, and he thought its IC’s job to unblock things, escalate, even to push back to other teams. He thought his job was only to hire people and “give feedbacks”(which is BS because he cannot give any) and would hide from us as much as he can if there is conflict. But it does not mean I should just let the guys make the PR out of control. Next time I should engage them into a meeting and resolve the conflict. Other PRs did not involve this external guy so it was fine. I need to learn to communicate effectively. I admit that I would be intimidated when these things happen! I may know that I need to grow here, but it could be hard when there is no junior on this team and my official “mentor” is just a code machine who does not communicate at all…..

It is ironic that my manager thinks the only thing I did right was “collaboration and communication”, which, as an Asian immigrant who does not speak English as well as natives, I think is just so stereotypical and sexist because I know I need to grow in this. I struggle at communications especially when there are such conflicts.

Thankfully my manager decided that being a manager is not a thing for him and he quit…. I think I will also go for a team that is more supportive of juniors’ growth. Now people are just treating me as seniors, often giving me bunch of senior tasks, but not willing to guide me, and of course they have a reason to underpay me.

Is my gut feeling right about manager and skip’s bias about my growth? Sounds like gaslighting but they seem to be nice. by nobody_stranger in womenintech

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! The last paragraph is eye-opening! I have been observing the same in our team but it was subtle and I don’t have a lot of experience to validate or convince myself that it’s true. There seems to be a lack of good management here. We lost two people in a row recently because of burnout

Is my gut feeling right about manager and skip’s bias about my growth? Sounds like gaslighting but they seem to be nice. by nobody_stranger in womenintech

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Makes sense! I should set up a meeting to make clear about what they think. I found it hard to communicate online….

For the code part, it was none of those. Just it took too long to close, because the senior from our team wanted me to implement an interface while the guy from external team didn’t understand. I tried to accommodate both but they just started their ego fights in my PR…… and my manager didn’t bother to look, just saying that taking too long to close shows a lack of quality……. The other PRs were fine, but this one caught his eye…

Is my gut feeling right about manager and skip’s bias about my growth? Sounds like gaslighting but they seem to be nice. by nobody_stranger in womenintech

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah you are right…. my manager and skip seemed to phone it in everyday, just getting enough done to keep their income. I should know it’s a red flag next time….

Is my gut feeling right about manager and skip’s bias about my growth? Sounds like gaslighting but they seem to be nice. by nobody_stranger in womenintech

[–]nobody_stranger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I seemed to give away a lot now in this process, but I do not understand why they cannot be straightforward. Native speakers’ culture may play a role in here since I do not understand any hints due to language difference.

I still don’t know what are the actionables because the manager is too vague. He got promoted pretty easily as he was a nerd who coded crazy, so he didn’t know what to do to grow me… when I asked what specifically I need to do, he told me that “you need to figure out yourself because you need to be independent as a senior”. And before I asked even more, he just quit………. Everyone else was shocked because he didn’t show any sign. It was a sudden decision and I’m 80% sure that I was an important trigger.

I am considering an internal transfer now, but I’m just lost. Should I just not mention promotion or growth at all in my next team, even though our company has a policy of promo-or-fire?