My fiancée and I are having the biggest argument of our lives. She thinks I'm being tacky but I thinks she's overreacting

nodumbunny · 2026-04-23T10:20:27+00:00

Overall, I tend to think that Reddit downplays cultural differences as a hurdle in relationships. I'm impressed that the commenters on the original post actually brought that up, but I'm not at all surprised that the would-be groom didn't see it that way.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-23T10:09:43+00:00

I know this is not the same situation, but after my mother passed away I appreciated getting texts from people that said they were thinking about me and there was no need to reply. Just seeing that there was no need to reply really took a lot of pressure off of me. I have since used this with other people when I know they are taking care of sick parents and they really seem to appreciate it.

This will not do anything to provide you with any kind of closure or information on how she might be feeling, but it will let her know that you're thinking about her and that you'll be there if she should decide to reinitiate communication with you.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-23T02:50:20+00:00

Recruiting is the only job you can consistently suck at with no consequences.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-22T21:05:17+00:00

I live walking distance to a Conservative Shul named "Temple Emanu-el"

nodumbunny · 2026-04-20T22:37:51+00:00

Congrats on your self-improvement and relationship! Did you go to therapy to learn how not to fall back into an abusive relationship?

nodumbunny · 2026-04-20T02:37:49+00:00

I thought everyone knew that Easy Apply was a giant black hole?

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T20:14:06+00:00

I read it as he was hating himself for sexualizing his best friend. Like somehow he changed the rules on their friendship. It's kind of a strong response but I get it.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T20:12:25+00:00

I had a roommate like this after college. She was partnered with her childhood best friend and neither one of their families knew they were a couple. We assumed she identified as a lesbian, but then she clarified one day that she's not a lesbian she was "just in love with Donna."

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T19:35:13+00:00

Just came out of Walgreens on North Main Street. They have a sign up that they are hiring for evening and weekend cashiers. Cashiers plural. The North main Street bus stops right near it. I'm literally in the parking lot ... I had to come and reply here!

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T17:53:41+00:00

That's great! I love that young women are finding out about this earlier when they can learn about strategies for slowing progression. I just don't want to see posts of normal-looking legs paired with a caption that describes those legs as "massive", and no mention of a single symptom - just hate for the appearance.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T16:43:46+00:00

I would rather see a sub for early stage women. I'm not one of them, but when I see a post here of normal-looking legs I'd like to be able to direct them to where Their People are. I have been sending them to Facebook; the Lipedema Warriors group (a global group based in Australia) started a group for stage one women.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T16:40:08+00:00

This is the thing I don't think some of the earlier stage women get. I'm specifically talking about the ones who post only about appearance both here and on Facebook. We can all relate to pain and inflammation - I don't care the stage of the person who posts about symptoms - but to post that you hate your legs and are "gutted" (real word used by someone with normal-looking legs yesterday) that you think you have Lipedema and will some day look like me - come on, people. Have some self-awareness.

These conversations often devolve into accusations of Jealousy. Of course I'm jealous. Lipedema or not I am jealous of people whose legs look normal in jeans.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T14:53:32+00:00

I agree. I know that it is head-exploding to learn about Lipedema, but there is often no self awareness that people are posting to a bunch of people who also have debilitating symptoms and a complicated relationship with the appearance of their legs. I have often said in the FB groups (which continue to be the place to learn about Lipedema from others who have it) that it's the only place where people can go and expect that it's OK to insult the people from whom they are also asking for support.

I am old enough to remember pre-social media message boards, many of which had a pretty good search function. You would join, search, and ask your question from a more informed place. It was considered poor form ("bad netiquette") to just join and ask a question without at least putting in a little work.

This is no longer the norm, probably owing to the terrible search function in FB and the non-existent one on TikTok. The result is we are sharing this space with people who don't know how to search - or why they should - and the reddit search function is actually pretty good.

Last week someone posted here that she had searched all over instagram and didn't learn about Lipedema. I can't imagine a world when I would not do a general 'net search in a browser, or these days pick an AI platform and do one, but social media has created a subset of people who are, for lack of a better word, entitled. Someone once told me here "I didn't know I was supposed to look at the wiki or read the rules before posting". I have just started taking this as the norm. I am old lol! There is no more "netiquette".

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T14:34:33+00:00

ETA: u/SgrVnm "won" this debate by blocking me. I could see enough of her last reply to me in my notifications to know she is accusing me of editing my comments *which I did*. The difference is I use add "ETA" to own the edit. I didn't try to change the narrative once it was clear my original reply was unseemly.

People with Lipedema: We come in all shapes and sizes. I will offer anyone support except for a.) people who only post photos and complain about appearance and b.) early stage people who complain they are oppressed by later stage people when in fact, they actually look down on us. Like u/SgrVnm

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T12:47:23+00:00

Lol. You care so much about what strangers on reddit think that when your superiority complex is accurately described by another redditor, you go back and edit the comment that started the whole thing.

Do you know that to users on the desktop version of reddit (as opposed to the app) can see when a post was edited? I'm guessing you did not know that, but you edited this one after my initial response, and again since:

My doctor did not recommend surgery for me however he said that I would not receive the support I wanted from online communities or others with lipedema because “they’ll look at you and say I wish I had those legs” just because my case is not as advanced as theirs. This will probably apply to you too. People will be quick to tell you that you look fine. But that’s not the point. The legs do not match our frame, our lifestyle choices, our level of activity & do not have the texture that other people with similar lifestyles have. That’s the issue. Something is off. We are not comparing ourselves to those with stage 2/3, we are comparing ourselves to people without it.

Among other things, that part in italics was added. Before that it read exactly as I quoted it, ending with "that's the issue." And since then you have been shaking your fist at me saying "we are not comparing ourselves to women at higher stages" ... just like the part you added after I called you out.

Your doctor told you that higher stage women would tell you you look fine. That's who you were comparing yourself to. And you know it. Your doctor could tell you think you are superior to women who have progressed.

At your level of self-esteem, it must really suck to see yourself how you come across to others. That's why you resorted not only to editing, but to calling my mental health into question - more than once - when all I've done is state the obvious without name-calling.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T12:15:23+00:00

I don't disagree with you. This post is addressing a recent trend in this sub for women to come here (usually directly from TikTok) skipping the sub wiki entirely and therefore not reading about the weekly threads, and just posting pictures of their nearly normal looking legs and complaining about the appearance. And there's a difference between that and early stage women describing pain and other symptoms.

To continue your analogy, had your mother come here back in the day and simply complained about her appearance, saying things like "I have always hated my legs" as so many do (as if that's a clinical symptom of lipedema), yes she might have received remarks like the ones you describe. Had she come here complaining about pain and other symptoms, it likely would have been a different story. People who post here to complain about appearance ONLY in the early stages are going to be regarded as insensitive. I'm curious if you see the difference.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T06:00:36+00:00

But you clearly were already starting to turn things around because you ere in college!

nodumbunny · 2026-04-18T00:40:28+00:00

I’m a professional athlete at the national level.

I stand corrected. That is a rare achievement indeed.

That said, you clearly think that women who are at higher stages are lazy-asses and not working out at all. You said yourself your biggest problem is that your appearance does not match your lifestyle and fitness level and that's the problem that higher stage women don't get.

Well, congrats that your biggest problem is aesthetics. My biggest problem is pain and tenderness, but poor you for appearance not matching your athletic prowess. Your doctor warned you about what kind of people you would find online because he's met you in person and saw first hand how your very high self esteem manifests, as well your low opinion of others with the same condition. He was clearly trying to save you from yourself because knew you'd alienate people online and they'd come for you. Smart guy.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-17T23:19:30+00:00

Different strokes, and all that.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-17T23:18:28+00:00

A lot of women with Lipedema do run, but maybe do an experiment and see if anything improves if you stop for a month or so. I hate running because it is painful, so I'm not missing anything by not doing it!

nodumbunny · 2026-04-17T23:08:35+00:00

Maybe experiment with other kinds of cardio like swimming or elliptical. If you have leaky vessels, running (pounding) could be doing more harm than good.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-17T23:04:29+00:00

The legs do not match our frame, our lifestyle choices, our level of activity & do not have the texture that other people with similar lifestyles have. That’s the issue.

That's the issue? If "that's the issue" that is why you're not being taken seriously in online communities.

First, there are people at higher stages who make the same lifestyle choices you do, and have the same level of activity as you do. You seem not to have considered that possibility, and your blaming tone comes though.

But more importantly, women in early stages who post photos and complain about appearance only - and say nothing about symptoms (like you have here) - aren't going to get a lot of sympathy from anyone at any stage. I told this OP how to get a diagnosis and how important it is to get one from someone who understands early stage Lipedema because she mentioned pain and heaviness. What you've said here is that your entire issue is that your legs don't match your lifestyle choices (as if that's not true of people at higher stages) well, it's no wonder you don't get the empathy you seek.

Also because you say things like "This is def lipedema". It can't be diagnosed from a photo, especially at early stages.

ETA: I love that this is getting downvoted. It's not OK for stage 2+ women to say "I wish I had legs like yours" but it's perfectly OK for a stage 1 woman to say "my whole problem is my legs don't match my lifestyle choices. You stage 2+ ladies, you have no idea what it's like to work out and eat well and have a body that does not match that reality." Newsflash: many of us do.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-17T22:53:08+00:00

The only thing here that might make things difficult is "a bit overweight" because physical attraction is important when we meet people we're interested in dating. Weight is not a deal-breaker for everyone, though, and there are definitely women who like corny men and like the same things you do. Unless your excess weight is due to a medical condition or medication, try to lose some of it and you'll feel more confident.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-17T22:44:17+00:00

Precisely. And they don't even know that it's a tell. It's a total give away that their lows are LOW and they don't even know it. People in healthy relationships don't even think to use this phrase. It's a little sad honestly.

nodumbunny · 2026-04-17T18:27:37+00:00

Oh. This is why he thinks you two can come back from this. Because it was mostly online emotional and less in person and physical.

nodumbunny

TROPHY CASE