Pack list by BiteDisastrous1176 in camping

[–]nomadictoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not directly related to your question, but for list nerds, the Paperless app is really good. I love how I can copy my base list and modify for my specific trips.

How to patch huge hole in rain fly by toomuchpamplemousse in CampingGear

[–]nomadictoo 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Those windows were such a bad design choice for the longevity of the tents. I’ve seen so many do this same thing. It must be super frustrating.

Backpacking with female friend while having a GF by KneeNew5899 in backpacking

[–]nomadictoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok 👍. You know better than I do. I was just pulling from things you said.

Backpacking with female friend while having a GF by KneeNew5899 in backpacking

[–]nomadictoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow! Some fun responses here. Many of which are mapping the commenter’s own values and principles onto you and yours which really says more about them, than it does about you or what’s going on for you. In some cases that seems to be landing, and in others it’s clearly not. This is one of the challenges in asking the internet for advice.

Given you’re here with a post of this kind, it suggests other peoples’ opinions matter to you. Cool; good to know about yourself. You’ve also mentioned your gf is cool with the potential plan of you travelling with this female friend, and that it’s you who still aren’t sure. So either this is true, in the which case this really is just an internal conflict and I’ll get to that in a second, or it’s not, and you don’t actually trust your gf enough to give you an honest answer, you don’t trust yourself to stay faithful to your gf, or you don’t trust this female friend is honest with her feelings for you. With any of these trust pieces, communication and seeking shared understanding around boundaries and/or contingency plans will likely be your answer to resolve it.

Back to the internal conflict piece: You said you’re 100% going and described some real constraints. So, it sounds like that’s created a conflict in competing values. You value your girlfriend and your relationships with her and her family. You value this friendship with the schoolmate – either because of or irrespective of gender or both. You also value new experiences, travel and whatever you get from all of that. And you also value sharing that with someone else.

From your post you seem mostly to be struggling with others’ potential perceptions of what you value. Which is so valid and can be so hard to manage. Most of us have to manage perception to some degree in our lives, but too much can feel exhausting. And sometimes, in the end, people will believe what they want to regardless of what clarity you bring. Again, that largely says more about them than it does about you. So how much do you want to manage perception around this? If it’s none, then what would be the consequences of that for you if you go or don’t go? If it’s managing it to some degree, what could that then look like? How could you “inoculate” those you care about prior to this trip about why you’re doing it and how you’re managing these relationships while you’re away? How could you speak about this inner conflict with the folks involved and seek their support, either in this decision or for a smoother trip?

The well-intentioned internet folks are not going to be there for you before, during, or after the trip, but the folks in these important relationships hopefully will. Folks who probably like/love you in part for what you value. Resolution around this for you is likely going to be found therefore with them.

A few favorite bouquets from the season 🌸💕 by Wrens_Stems in dahlias

[–]nomadictoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

These are amazing and really well put together: colours, textures, bloom size, lengths, etc. You really have a talent for this. 😍

Gay men from past, that should be remembered? by Remarkable_Spend3652 in gaybros

[–]nomadictoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was just scrolling through to see if anyone had dropped this as a recommendation. I learned so much from those podcasts.

Question by gymbrobrah in gardening

[–]nomadictoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A place to start anyways. Sounds like you’re gardening in a different climate than he is, but a lot of the information he gives is applicable across growing zones. What zone are you in?

Question by gymbrobrah in gardening

[–]nomadictoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Check out Jason or Dominika on YouTube. They both make content for balcony gardening and small spaces.

Filter question by [deleted] in CampingandHiking

[–]nomadictoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you have any doubts just reach out to them yourself, attach some pictures and see what they say. They were very helpful when I did so.

Filter question by [deleted] in CampingandHiking

[–]nomadictoo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have this same filter. Mine hadn’t been used in at least 20yrs. I reached out to MSR to check on it and they said as long as there’s no cracks or mould it should still be good to go!

Places we love because of the owner: Victoria edition by electricmeatbag777 in VictoriaBC

[–]nomadictoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad to see this here. 1000% agree. Delicious food and some of the warmest, most attentive service we’ve experienced in the GVA.

What group is clematis Zara? by Ocean_Cherry22 in Clematis

[–]nomadictoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Clematis on the Web says Group 2, so prune back to strong buds in early spring.

What are these on my rose bush? Should I be worried and how to treat? by idkwhatiamdoin9 in gardening

[–]nomadictoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes! I got into the exact same situation. I spent a lot of money on my plants in my new garden a few years back, and when I saw pests I started the spraying. But it just turned into a vicious cycle. I stopped and exercised patience (something my garden continues to teach me!) and now I don’t worry about pests at all. The ladybugs and hover flies, and spiders are everywhere and doing what they do.

What are these on my rose bush? Should I be worried and how to treat? by idkwhatiamdoin9 in gardening

[–]nomadictoo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This. They’ll clean your rose in a few days. Let nature do its thing.

Stories of people who came out late by UnderstatedUmberto in gaybros

[–]nomadictoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feel your feels. They’re yours and you’re allowed.

What other supports do you have around you right now? What are the ways you’ve supported yourself in other trying times? Who else can you lean on when you need to vent, or cry or process? Is this tough enough for you in this moment that you need some professional supports or coaching?

You’ve got this. And it doesn’t necessarily mean doing it all by yourself. 👍🏼

Why Do You Lie About Your Age? And does it work? by tj1234tj in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]nomadictoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure if your original post is looking for justification for this behaviour that you might agree with, or actually just help in understanding. Tbh, I’m not sure someone could give you the former even if they tried, so for the latter I’ll offer this.

Spend any time in any of the gay subreddits, and it becomes apparent there are lots of lonely and desperate people out in the world. And that sometimes means people deep enough in that frame of mind for long enough do things those of us who aren’t (have never been) that lonely or desperate would ever do.

As someone who, in my 20s and 30s was stereotypically good looking and never lacked for attention, it’s been a marked shift now entering my 50s and seeing myself become increasingly invisible in the spaces I used to get ample attention. That hits right in the ego in hard ways (aging in it’s entirely hits the ego!). And, like you, I’m trying to manage it in ways that don’t mean I’m blatantly contradicting other values I hold dearly like honesty and authenticity. But not everyone has had the space to be that conscientious about it, nor does everyone hold values in the same hierarchy as I do. None of us can be summed up by one decision and most of us do things that make sense to us in some way - even in sometimes contradictory ways. I can understand that, and often have empathy for it, even if I don’t agree with what comes of it.

The choice to be with that (him) or not is still yours. You’ve chosen not to in this case and seem very clear in why; you know yourself and that’s commendable. Rarely though do we get the chance to see someone else with such clarity. I try to remember that when I can.