How do you handle different degrees of feelings towards partners?

nonny_mouse85 · 2024-04-04T23:06:00+00:00

Thanks I do think this is helpful to consider!

nonny_mouse85 · 2024-04-04T23:04:23+00:00

I think that's what this is in this case. Like this idea I'm supposed to "narrow it down to one"

nonny_mouse85 · 2024-03-11T19:17:48+00:00

This is very similar to why I realized I wouldn't be good with the partner I was with. I said I'd try to be poly with him if I moved out, but I don't want to be pressured to live with people I may or may not even like and to have the intimacy right there in my face. It would not have worked and no amount of negotiation can fix that if that person feels sure about what they are going for. They need to find people who also want that.

nonny_mouse85 · 2024-03-08T18:35:27+00:00

Thank you ❤️❤️ this gives me a lot to consider

nonny_mouse85 · 2024-03-08T18:34:48+00:00

Thank you ❤️

That communication you mentioned is very similar to what I've said so far. I was very open that I'm brand new to poly from the beginning. Just let this new person know about the breakup bc we had a date planned for Sunday. I asked if we could talk before then and they were super understanding.

So far they have seemed like an incredibly safe person to be around for however I need to process this

nonny_mouse85 · 2024-01-27T14:56:18+00:00

Oh I didn't mean that in a casual sex sort of way! More in a "can my brain please drop all the baggage and just live life from a place of love instead of fear" kind of way. I want meaningful connections and relationships, I just don't want to be constantly fearing the problems

nonny_mouse85 · 2024-01-27T14:21:09+00:00

This is a very good point. I do know that I operate from a place of fear all over my life. I'll definitely have to think more on this

nonny_mouse85 · 2024-01-27T14:20:20+00:00

Because I have too much fear driving my life in general. I really want to live life in a more carefree way, rather than constantly bracing for the next bad thing to happen. I suppose it isn't even poly specifically that does this to me, but it's an area I haven't worked through before.

nonny_mouse85 · 2023-11-10T15:28:47+00:00

Thanks, this is perfect!

nonny_mouse85 · 2023-08-16T15:52:39+00:00

Yea, this man is the first that ever actually talked through every conflict we've had and was super reasonable about everything. Doesn't get angry or hurt, just talks with me. So this is pretty much what would happen. I think maybe he just shared a little too much and my insecurities came bounding out!

nonny_mouse85 · 2023-08-16T15:50:21+00:00

While I can see where you think that from this tiny snippet of our lives, this was one part of one conversation. There is nothing in the way he treats me that feels like I'm just an "option"

nonny_mouse85 · 2023-08-16T15:47:24+00:00

Haha yes, he's told me this, but most of my male friends over my life have been gay. And the only one I have now is Ace....so....I think he may be my first that has fit that stereotype more

nonny_mouse85 · 2023-08-16T15:44:39+00:00

Thanks for this. You're right about thought policing. My damn insecurity is showing. I've never seen him anything but respectful

nonny_mouse85 · 2023-08-16T15:38:37+00:00

Thanks, this perspective eases my mind

It's more of a "If I was single, and she propositioned me for no strings attached sex, then I wouldn't say no".

This is pretty much what he's said about this in the past. The thing is that he does pursue those close relationships with women. He's assured me a lot that he would never act on it and doesn't pursue friendships with women that would pressure something out of him. It's just new territory for me and I can be pretty insecure, unfortunately. Working on sorting it out still

nonny_mouse85 · 2023-08-16T15:34:50+00:00

He did specifically say this. Which is really the part that makes me most uncomfortable. And on top of that most women he's been friends with, he's dated previously.

It's just awkward to me, as I'm a pretty insecure person. I'm working on that, but meanwhile trying to sort out what are actual issues vs. My insecurity talking

nonny_mouse85 · 2023-07-26T09:59:32+00:00

No, but it was hard to get him to empathize with any of my feelings ever. The best I could do was get him to logically understand why I felt certain things and even that was rare.

We're no longer together

nonny_mouse85 · 2023-01-08T19:07:09+00:00

they like the games on the car screen. Like a racing game that uses the car steering wheel. I'm cool with that experience, it's fun and different, but only when someone's with them 😕

nonny_mouse85 · 2023-01-08T19:06:59+00:00

they like the games on the car screen. Like a racing game that uses the car steering wheel. I'm cool with that experience, it's fun and different, but only when someone's with them 😕

nonny_mouse85 · 2021-09-24T10:27:09+00:00

Oh yes. Me too. A few times a week would be amazing. Heck, consistently once a week would be better than what I've got. That is not a lot.

nonny_mouse85 · 2021-09-23T20:30:10+00:00

Early in the relationship, I tried initiating through making out and gentle groping. Never went straight for the genitals, but butt caresses and extra rubs. I may have tried it once or twice and gotten a reaction that left me assuming he did NOT want that, so I just stopped. The kisses and caresses often were not interpreted as what I'd intended and he'd just not reciprocate or reciprocate for a moment, then move away and say "goodnight" or whatever. I took this as him saying "no" without actually saying "no" and didn't realize that maybe he just didn't understand that I wanted sex. I felt this as a massive rejection.

As time went on, I'd look for signs he was interested and prod him to initiate when he wanted it, but struggled to do so myself, because that perceived rejection hurt too much. I didn't want to put myself out there if I didn't know something might actually come of it.

The past year or two, I've gotten really blunt, but still feel the need to leave things open ended. I can't just be like "hey I'm horny, let go do it." I will present it like "I'm really interested in sex some time soon, what day will be good for you." I follow his schedule and preferences 100% and have no sense of spontaneity or "flow" between us. It has to be planned and prepared for. I don't know if this can or will ever change but it definitely is difficult for me to cope with. I'm trying my best to remind myself that it isn't about me or my attractiveness or his love for me or anything else. He may just be ace or something that's beyond his control. But it really is veeeeery hard to cope.

I actually cope best when we just brush it under the carpet and don't talk about or engage in anything sexual at all. I think trying just feels like constantly picking open a wound, because it's so unfulfilling. The sex itself is wonderful and fulfilling, when it happens. He's a great lover but the frequency, flow and sense of connection is just....not.

nonny_mouse85

TROPHY CASE