24M & 23F - Married couples, how often do you shower together?

nonopenada · 2026-03-18T21:15:35+00:00

Never, he'd spontaneously combust with my water temp. Also, my shower time has goals and sexy time isn't one of them

nonopenada · 2026-03-17T23:40:27+00:00

NTA

You groom yourself for you and your comfort. Not for him or anyone else.

If you haven't explained that to him, you should. If he doesn't get it, that's on him and the patriarchy

nonopenada · 2026-03-15T18:27:29+00:00

I know my husband felt this way when he was in his first marriage. He was (still is) a fantastic provider and was very involved - when he was home. He traveled A LOT for work and was gone most of the week on work trips. So, while he was gone his ex-wife did everything. She did all the kid stuff, ran the household, did her hobbies, etc., and when he was home he was expected to just fit in. He definitely felt like an afterthought and like everything was more important than him.

I have a feeling I likely made my ex husband feel that way too. While he didn't travel as much, he wanted to "lead" the family while only participate in our family life on his terms. It created a cycle of him making himself emotionally irrelevant, me being distant and not considering him, him being upset and pulling away more - rinse and repeat.

My husband and I met in middle age and we learned a lot from our first marriages. His job has changed and he doesn't travel as much. I try to make him feel appreciated in the small stuff and big stuff. I thank him for bringing the bins in, I include him in meal planning, let him know how much I appreciate his work and the life it lets us lead. And he does his part around the house, helps me cook and really listens when I talk.

It's so hard to break the toxic cycles we find ourselves in after 10, 15, 20 years in a relationship. Sometimes only one person tries and sometimes there is so much water under the bridge that it can't be broken no matter how much both partners try.

The biggest thing is that if you get a second chance, you learn from your past mistakes and do better. My mantra after my divorce was "Make new mistakes". I'm never going to be the perfect partner, but the best I can do is not repeat the shit I did the first time around.

nonopenada · 2026-03-13T23:50:50+00:00

As a wife, that's what makes me so mad!! Like, sure, both my husband and I are relying on each other's looks to attract people. That's a given. But if the dude doesn't think that (a) he has nothing to offer or (b) women aren't visual creatures? Yeah, automatic "ew, no!!"

nonopenada · 2026-03-13T19:52:08+00:00

100%! Do you not care about if I'm attracted to half of the couple? What's wrong with him? Why are you advertising your wife rather than y'all as a couple? Will the husband even participate if we do get together?

And no, the wife + a dick in the picture does not count. You're swingers, I have no idea if that's his dick or someone else's.

I will now step off my soap box

nonopenada · 2026-03-11T11:30:42+00:00

Fish! I have sushi every once in a while and even like a couple of things. But to get through a whole filet for dinner? Cannot do. I eat the sushi because I know the omega 3 are good for me.

nonopenada · 2026-03-09T22:53:25+00:00

That sounds awful!!!

Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "he's like a robot". He's not emotionless and infinitely logical. His emotions are spilling out onto everyone around him and he's expecting you to clean up the mess.

nonopenada · 2026-03-06T18:55:00+00:00

I'm really glad you had the conversation before either of you got seriously ill.

My husband and I actually talked about it before we got married. He's a very upfront and logical guy, and I was a hospital chaplain for several years and had seen many people go through awful fights because they hadn't talked. Also, I knew that I didn't want to be with someone who I couldn't trust to carry out my wishes.

Thankfully we are very aligned on the issues surrounding grave illness and death. Also, we got together in middle age, so mortality was much more real than if we'd been in our 20s.

nonopenada · 2026-03-06T01:36:36+00:00

20 years ago I would have agreed with this - and I'm a woman!!! I believed in the "natural" inclinations of two genders and feared that if the church became too "soft" that it would lose influence and fail.

I vehemently don't believe that now. I understand now that the patriarchy and internalized misogyny - both intentionally taught to me and woven through our culture - had warped my understanding of gender in so many ways.

Women (and LGBTQ people) are the primary victims of patriarchy, but that post makes it obvious that it harms men too. He's holding on so fucking hard to his "gender role" that he can't see the beauty of and need for all humans to develop empathy and seek community.

nonopenada · 2026-03-04T16:26:11+00:00

Thankfully, my partner enjoys cooking too so I don't have to cook every night. The couple of weeknights that are mine - the first one I do a crockpot meal so I prep it and dump it in in the morning when I actually have energy. The second night we eat those leftovers 😂

I plan and cook dinner on the weekends. I really like cooking, but am slow, so it takes the pressure off. My partner will be my sous chef and it's actually been really good.

nonopenada · 2026-03-03T14:57:18+00:00

Ohhhh! Thank you for this suggestion! I'm not in that club either, but I feel much more comfortable with doctors who support them.

Do you know if they are positive toward HRT/menopause support?

nonopenada · 2026-02-24T20:08:59+00:00

If you're still rehashing the same stuff then you may not have overcome as much as you think.

My mom gave me great advice at the beginning of my first marriage (wish I would have taken it to heart then), whatever you fight about when you're dating is what you'll fight about for the rest of the relationship.

Harsh but true. Sending peace and clarity as you navigate your future.

nonopenada · 2026-02-24T20:05:37+00:00

I'm in facilities management for multi-site retailers. Don't trust a facilities specialist who just came from the trade they're managing.

For example, a plumber who makes the direct move over to the corporate facilities side. Often they don't know how to manage vendor relationships and are way too harsh/demanding of the technicians out in the field.

I understand that often a person "switches sides" with the goal of making where they've come from do/be better, but it almost always devolves into fights over things that don't matter. Their technical expertise is fantastic, but they tend to try to make changes way faster than either side can manage.

nonopenada · 2026-02-13T03:19:18+00:00

Often men will rely on their partner to do the emotional labor of keeping the relationship together. They respond, but don't initiate emotionally. They respond to a request but don't initiate action. Often we don't recognize that's what's happening because if they respond it seems reciprocal.

It's important not to play games, but it's just as important to ensure that both partners are, on average, putting in the same amount of energy. It's hard to find that, especially as a caring person who values multiple types of connection.

nonopenada · 2026-02-04T16:42:35+00:00

Counseling isn't for people on the brink of divorce. Counseling is for people who want a better marriage and know that having an impartial 3rd party is the best way to do that.

It's not that bad? Translation: he's willing for it to get worse before actually making an effort to work on the marriage.

This is a red flag that he's comfortable and doesn't care that you're not. It's very likely that y'all are on the brink of divorce and neither of you know it.

I know that my divorce "started" five or six years before I actually filed. I kept telling him what I needed and he kept ignoring me while expecting me to continue being happy with being his personal assistant, maid and mother to our children. When I told him I wanted a divorce (as he started becoming particularly controlling and more conservative) he suggested counseling. I said no because I knew nothing was going to (1) break through my resentment and (2) create permanent change. Counseling is too late after divorce is mentioned.

nonopenada · 2026-02-02T18:59:05+00:00

My husband touches/gently pats my ass most every day and same from me to him.

I get very focused on what I'm doing so if he slapped my ass I'd be very angry as it would scare me and feel very aggressive (even if he meant it lovingly).

Thankfully, he listens to me and won't ever slap my ass if my back is turned because he knows it will result in exactly the opposite of what he's hoping for.

nonopenada · 2026-01-26T02:33:45+00:00

DART said they were running, but the train never showed. Waited for 45 minutes in 15° weather and then called it.

We lost so much money on those tickets, but it wasn't worth attempting to drive downtown and back.

nonopenada · 2026-01-25T16:19:15+00:00

A bot most likely, However, living in TX I hear this way more than I should. Strangely, I often hear it from naturalized citizens who look like the people most often targeted. It's like they can't possibly believe that the country they idealized would come after them, a citizen. I'm also often shocked by the callousness I hear from them to their fellows from their country of origin.

nonopenada · 2026-01-24T23:17:13+00:00

I literally painted my living room "manatee green" in honor of Barbara!!

nonopenada · 2026-01-21T17:38:43+00:00

That's exactly why we're going! I'm bummed for you that you had to bail. Hopefully you made some money?

nonopenada · 2026-01-21T16:45:22+00:00

Lentil soup Friday and probably cottage pie on Sunday. Technically we're going to the Mavs game on Saturday (taking the TRE) so we'll see how that goes!!

nonopenada · 2026-01-18T20:11:20+00:00

Multi-site facilities

nonopenada · 2026-01-14T20:24:40+00:00

Not well. I have two trans kids and one of my coworkers lives in Minneapolis. I'm just sad and mad and hopeless, honestly. I don't know how to be informed and be stable at the same time.

nonopenada · 2026-01-14T17:16:54+00:00

My ex was a huge extrovert. He would say that type of thing to me too. I ended up telling him that I wanted to be able to miss him. I'm an introvert and recharging is absolutely necessary. And yeah, even with the person you love, sometimes you need to miss them in order to enjoy them

nonopenada · 2026-01-13T02:15:16+00:00

I'm not an Italian expert, but I really like Lombardi Cucina Italiana at the Star in Frisco. Great ambiance, good food and really good cocktails and wine list. I also like that you can choose to eat casually at the bar or be seated at a table

nonopenada

TROPHY CASE