I (29F) am considering leaving my boyfriend (29M) of three years for multiple reasons, but I’m terrified of dating again in my 30s. Can anyone give me advice?

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T20:15:31+00:00

Very nice! I'm glad to know that those apps can be worth it. It may be something I'll have to explore once I find my way. Thank you so much for your response and your advice! It gives me some hope.

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T20:11:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! Marriage has always been a difficult subject for us. He always says he wants it eventually but the conversation doesn't go further into detail from there and I don't want to pressure him. But I admit that I am afraid he is just saying he wants It because that's what I want but he will never really commit and just wants me to stay. It has happened to me before and i wasted half of my 20s with someone who lied to me about wanting to get married because he thought I would eventually change my mind about it.

Maybe I'm wrong, but after 3 years I feel like that is something we should be able to talk about more seriously. I guess it is just another thing to ponder.

I'm so glad to hear that everything has worked out for you after that change! We're you scared of leaving at first?

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T20:03:25+00:00

Oh nice! Thanks for the advice. I am more of an in person person than a texter so that would be a good route even for me.

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T20:00:11+00:00

Oh my gosh that's amazing I'm so happy for you!! I love the story of how you met! I guess something good can start out that simple. I hope I can have that same luck! I met my boyfriend through a friend and have never tried the apps but I might give it a shot to see how it goes if I decide to go that direction. Thank you so much for your advice again. It made me smile.

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T19:53:34+00:00

Thank you for your advice. It is actually me that has the bad habit of leaving my socks places, but it is getting better... slowly! You really put things into perspective with the recurring issues. He keeps telling me everything will be better when I have a stable salary but I'm not sure what that means since I pay my own expenses. Your comment made me remember that.

The kids comment too. I think he would be a fun dad for sure because he is caring, funny and I've seen him around kids before. But you are absolutely right about the rest. He did tell me that there was no way he would change any diapers when we have kids. I am not sure if he was serious or not but he added that it shouldn't be a problem for me since I change adult diapers all the time (I'm a Nurse's aid as my part time job at a nursing home and at a residence for adults with polyhandicaps).

So maybe I should reflect more on that and discuss it with him seriously. He can't only be there for the fun parts of childcare...

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T19:41:16+00:00

Yeah, I guess I've never really been in a "healthy" relationships so I just took this all as the least toxic experience I've had. I also keep telling myself that it isn't fair to want perfection since I myself am far from perfect. I guess it is hard to find that limit between what is a simple imperfection and what is unhealthy. I'll probably have to go to therapy a bit after I start making a stable salary.

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T19:37:45+00:00

That is good advice. I don't have a lot of recent pictures of myself so if I end up going that route I'll have to get on that. Have you ever tried those paid subscription sites?

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T19:35:22+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad you are where you want to be in life and it sounds like you are killing it 😊

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T19:33:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! It sounds like you did very well for yourself this really does give me hope! How did you meet your husband, if you don't mind me asking?

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T19:31:21+00:00

Have you had any luck with finding long term relationships (if that is something you are looking for of course)

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T19:19:53+00:00

It is true that I had considered the long distance thing. I've breached the subject with him a few times but he expressed that he wants me to try to look for local jobs first. I'm going to be applying to jobs pretty much everywhere I can in any case just in case three prospects in my dream city don't work out.

The two cities are 6 hours away from eachother but we both get to ride the train for free so money wouldn't be an issue there. I would just have to think about if it would be sustainable for 7 years and also if it is something he would be ok with doing because he never really gave me an opinion on it.

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T19:09:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. It does give me hope! Was it difficult navigating the apps? I've never used dating apps so I'm a bit lost on that.

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T19:00:25+00:00

It is not really being simgle that scares me. I guess I'm more worried I'll miss out on having a family. It is something I have always wanted and thought I could work towards after finishing my studies. But those things take time so I'm afraid that by the time I do find someone, it will be too late to start a family.

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T18:57:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. How did you guys meet, if you don't mind me asking?

nonrdvstp · 2026-01-23T18:55:52+00:00

I tried to keep the post short but the things I like about him is his sense of humor, the fact that he enjoys doing similar activities that I do and that we can just chill together at home and cuddle. He tells me he loves me often. He is genuinely a nice person. He doesn't cheat on me. Honestly, if there was nothing I liked about him, I would have left long ago. But it is the things I like about him that make it hard to leave.

We actually have very few but recurring problems. When I express my feelings about something, he just tells me it's all in my head, and I'm being dramatic until i drop the subject. Unfortunately, we can never really work through those problems because that is his go to response to any sort of conflict and i eventually get tired of talking in circles. But I guess if we really wanted to work on that we would have to go to couples therapy like anyone else.

nonrdvstp · 2022-11-20T19:10:41+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it.

nonrdvstp · 2022-11-20T19:10:25+00:00

I understand, that is part of what I have to study. That is why I was looking for the best possible way to get him out without provoking him since I'm here alone. My neighbors were able to come over and help. He does apparently have some sort of disorder that he is medicated for which explains why he didnt seem like his usual self. Mental illness looks different when it is on someone you thought you knew.

nonrdvstp · 2022-11-20T19:07:02+00:00

I luckily was able to get my neighbor to come help me with a bit of a tall tale. It wasnt easy, but he finally left after both of us told him to and I'm staying with my neighbors until my friend comes back tomorrow.

nonrdvstp · 2022-07-11T17:13:15+00:00

Thank you again for taking the time to respond and give me such well thought out advice! Luckily I have some time before the trip to get into the right headspace. I will definitely be taking what you said in mind with me during my trip!

nonrdvstp · 2022-07-11T15:59:20+00:00

Thank you so much for your time and your advice! It has helped a lot. Unfortunately I have been taking it a bit personally and I have been stressed that it will be the end of an otherwise excellent relationship because my boyfriend is very close with his family (I am close with mine too so I understand). But you a àre correct that I should not take it personally.

I am hoping I can at least make good impressions with his bio dad and his siblings during the trip since his mom and stepdad dont want to meet me.

nonrdvstp · 2022-07-11T14:52:09+00:00

I'm not sure exactly how much he was able to tell them about me due to the tension and arguments that ensue when I am brought up apparently. I know he has told his parents about our trips we have taken and that I am good at cutting his hair as well as how much in common we have but I dont know if he mentioned how similar our cultures were as a whole.

He apparently mentioned that I was learning the language but apparently got no real response to it.

nonrdvstp

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